I want to avoid everything associated with all this. I am so confused about what I want to do with my personal life. Do I want to try things again? Do I want to fight for this? Do I want to try and make things work or do I just want to disengage from the situation until I can get out?
What happens if I decide to fight for this again? I have a chance at happiness, love and someone to share life with. There also is a chance that I will have my hopes and dreams dashed again.
What happens if I disengage right now? I already have to some extent. I have spent time in my room, alone or with the dog. There is no one to talk to, to share life with. Its a lonely existence. I realize that if I get my own place, it won't be as lonely but still lonely. But it will be a loneliness of my choosing instead of what is a self-imposed exile.
I am pretty sure I want to stay and make things work. But I don't know that I want to fight failure again. I failed in my fight for my marriage. I failed in my fight to keep Jakes with me and I keep failing with him on each and every visit we have. So far in this relationship, it has been a failure. So the big question is, Am I ready/willing to fight for what stands a very good chance of being another failure?
I don't know. I just don't know. I also don't know how to figure that out.
you are the only one that can decide it you know...and its not an easy question....
ReplyDeleteI always say go with whatever your gut tells you. Your heart may say one thing, your brain another, but your instincts always give you the direction.
ReplyDeleteIf common sense tells you this is a right and true situation, then it is worth fighting for. If on the other hand, your common sense says this relationship is all wrong, morally, spiritually, financially, physically....then why not cut your loses and move to what you can be sure is a correct way to live? Nobody can tell you what to do.... Be brave and strong and make your own decision. Praying for you, for guidance and peace and rest in decision.
ReplyDeleteRosemary
been there. doing that.
ReplyDeleteyou know what, its our choice, we could cut it all lose, but we dont, we keep finding reasons to hope reasons to believe things could be the way we want them to be. on a good day i say theres nothing wrong with that, on a bad day i say we are being fools. so from that you should know that the only person you can actually listen to is yourself. and since today is a good day, i want to believe in the possibilities of good things for all of us.