Parenting and Facebook

Jakes is old enough to have a Facebook account.  He won't be my friend.  But I have enough friends who ARE friends with him that are helping to keep him in line and report back to me anything that I might need to know about. Thanks, Suzanne and Gmom!  You're the best!

Anyway, I found out that he was playing some of the Facebook games, the games where you have to accept friend requests from total strangers in order to advance in the game.  OH NO!  That just doesn't sit right with me.

So the other day, I spoke with Jakes about the situation and explained my fears.  I wanted to talk with him as an adult.  He complains that I am too protective (I am!) so I am trying to back off and talk to him as I would an adult about certain things.  I asked him to change his privacy settings so that he wouldn't get requests from strangers in the games section.  I could feel his resistance, even over the phone.  I could feel him getting more and more resistant to everything I was saying.

As I was explaining my fears to him, he just FLIPPED out.  He yelled at me and bad mouthed me.  I tried to be calm and collected. I  tried to calm him down. I finally told him that if he didn't change his settings, I would involve his father in this. That set him off even more.  I ended up hanging up on him and walking away from him.

10 minutes or so later, I rec'd a text from his father that he had addressed the Facebook issue.  Apparently, he was home and hear Jakes flip out and investigated.  When Jakes was allowed to have a Facebook account, rules were established and agreed upon by Jakes and his father.  Jakes was breaking those rules.

I didn't know about those rules, I was just acting on my motherly protective instincts.  Fortunately, his father is on the same page as I am.

But I haven't heard from Jakes since the incident.  I did text him that he shouldn't be angry with me, I didn't tell his father, he did by yelling.  

I'm sure I'll hear from him soon.  He wants to go to the farm this weekend.

Counting Down

The decision for Jakes to go live with his father has been made, the papers signed and the boxes are being packed.  After Days and Days of waffling and worrying that I'm making the right decision, I finally reconciled myself that its for the best.

Now the count down is on.  Jakes is moving with his dad this coming weekend.  He's started packing and has been listing all this wonderful things he's going to have at his dad's that he doesn't have with me.  A TV, a Stereo, and a cell phone of his own.  A little bribery?  Or just a bunch of stuff that can be taken away for misbehaviors?

Lately, I've been angry. I can't figure out who I'm angry at.  I've been taking it out on everyone in my house and the compound.  Which is not fair to them. 

Part of me is angry at myself, for failing to provide the happy and healthy environment for Jakes.  I can't help but think there had to be something else I could have done to keep this from happening.  Not that I can come up with anything else to do...... 

Part of me is angry at Jakes for not complying with the rules and the therapies we've tried.  I feel like he has purposely sabotaged everything in order to be allowed to move to his fathers house.

I'm angry at his father too.  He has never done anything to help with the raising of Jakes.  Not even when I've told him that I was struggling and needed his help.  He's so egotistical that he doesn't think he will have the same problems with Jakes that I've had.  He actually said that to me.

Part of me hopes that this move will be the best thing I've ever done for Jakes.  Its not what I want but its what I think is best for Jakes at this point.  What I want is irrelevant right now.  As his mother, I have to think and do what is best for him.

Part of me also hopes that Jakes continues his behaviors with his father and that his father struggles the same way I have.  That's the vindictive side of me and is not what is best for Jakes.  But it sure would be fun to see his father struggle and have that ego taken down a few pegs by his kid!

I am angry that I am not getting what I want, what I dreamed for my life.  I've had my marriage taken from me and now I'm loosing my child.  What else am I going to fail at?