I am Weak (A Pity Party for Me)

I am tired and weak today. Son and I had a major blow up. He always argues with me, its part of the Aspergers. Its been getting worse lately and I have been working with the Autism Center to get help.


Today was AWFUL. The day started out just like any other, me nagging him to tell me what he wanted for breakfast and lunch. After asking him for 15 minutes, I told him that I was going to make the decision for him. He would have to eat whatever I felt like making. He got nasty with me, saying that he wasn’t going to eat what I made and other stuff. I told him that’s fine, you will be the one who is hungry, not me.

He continued to argue with me that he should get what he wanted and he wasn’t going to accept anything less.

I lost it. I told him that I hated living here with him. No mother should hate her child but I do. I cried. I yelled some more. I said some pretty inappropriate things to him. I don’t regret them yet but I will.

He got ready to walk out the door to walk to his other grandparents. I forbid him from going. He got smart with me. I spanked him. He cried and screamed he wanted his father. I told him that his father doesn’t want him other than on weekends. I asked him how it felt that neither of your parents don’t want you around. Maybe you should think about why that is.

I was harsh. But I am at the end of my rope. I have no more strength left to fight him with. I feel horrible that I don’t like my child. What kind of mother hates to be with her child? Put me in the class with that mother who shipped her adopted child back to Russia.

I don’t know what else to do other than to sit here and cry. And hope that I find the strength to fight with him again after work. And then again tomorrow morning. And every day after that.

What kind of a life is that? And is there a time when you have tried everything and just have to give up and accept that its not going to change?

Dad's New Job

Yes, my Dad has a new Job for the spring.  For those who know what's going on with my Dad's Heart, yes, he probably shouldn't be working.  If you want to read what's going on with Dad, go here.

But, this new job is PREFECT for him right now.  And we are all glad to have him doing it for us. 

He gets to watch the grass grow.

The lawn guy tilled up the front (river-side) yard and planted new grass.  Dad's job is to watch it grow and keep it watered. 

Go Dad!

National Cherry Blossom Festival

Easter Weekend, Neicy and I took off and went to Washington DC.  I had never seen the Cherry Blossoms and it is an experience I recommend to anyone!  They are BEAUTIFUL!  See:

We got there on Friday, checked into the hotel and started walking.  The weather was gorgeous, the company as always was wonderful and the sites were lovely!  We walked around the mall and up to Chinatown.  We probably walked about 7 miles.

Saturday was a little cloudy to start but the sun quickly came out.  We again started out on the Mall, headed to the Capital and then made our way to the Lincoln Memorial.  A little detour to the Vietnam Memorial and then over to the Tidal Basin for a close up of the trees.  We ended up over by the Jefferson Memorial and then made our way back to the hotel to call Neicy's daughter who lives in Fairfax.  She was coming into DC to join us for dinner and to see the fireworks.

Neicy and I also walked into town for drinks while waiting for Allie to get into town.  We ordered a Cherry-Sherry Martini.  It was yummy and sitting outside watching the city go by was so nice that we ordered another.  Never did we ask the PRICE of these special drinks so when the bill was brought we went into sticker shock!  They were $12 per DRINK!  Plus TAX.  Crap!   OK!

After the Martini's we picked up Alli and Aaron and walked to dinner.  After dinner, we headed to the Waterfront for the fireworks.  Then WALKED back to the hotel.  I mapped out most of the walking we did and it totaled about 15 miles.  No wonder I couldn't feel my feet, I think I left them in the tidal basin!

Sunday dawned beautiful weather again.  Neicy had found this wonderful sounding cherry dish that we wanted to try but I wasn't able to get reservations at the place.  We walked to Founding Farmers, which when mapped out was over 2 miles from the hotel.  Ok.  Starting the day with a 4 mile round trip.  But, I wanted pics of the White House which was on the way.

Back to the food.  We ordered the Chocolate-Cherry French Toast to split as well as a breakfast for each of us.  I thought I died and went to heaven!  Fresh squeezed juices, cage free eggs!  YUMMY!!!  ALL the food was THAT good!  I didn't eat again until Monday morning!

After breakfast, we waddled back to the car and headed home.  Overall it was a very nice weekend!

My Jaxon

I have always maintained that I am a cat person.  I love cats and have never really taken to other people dogs.  They're ok, but give me my cats.  I cannot believe how much FUN Jaxon is!  He is sweet and lovable and SO wants to please!  And what a QUICK learner!  I show him things once and as long as he wants to do it, he can.

Jaxon was checking out the fish that Son caught the other day. 

Jaxon didn't quite know what to make of it.

He is over 5 pounds now, the vet was pleased with him at the last visit.  He walks on the leash to and from the bus stop in the mornings.  He knows how to sit and stay (still working on the Staying part, especially when the kitties are around!).  He is starting to ASK to go outside for potty breaks and he is able to sleep most of the night.  We only get up around 4:30 and today it was 5!  I think that's pretty great for a 13 week puppy!

He loves to run on the beach at low tide and can now go up the steps to the Grandparents place. And since he gets treats when he goes there, its hard to keep him down sometimes!

Jaxon and Son are learning how to play together.  There were a couple of instances where Son was a little rambunctious with him but I think we have worked that out with a little more supervision and instructions.

Needless to say, I am a TOTAL convert to dog lover!  At least for Jaxon

Lego Group

Lego Group.  Hmmmmm.  After all the anticipation to get started, Son has been less than enthused with it.  Two weeks ago when I picked him up, he said he wasn't going back.  That's what YOU think, I thought to myself.

We always go to Burger King after group for dinner and talk about group and school.  So he knows the routine and we talked, I mean he really opened up to me about group and his feelings.  I was SO proud of him for THAT!

He told me what happened (a little skewed from the story I the group leader told me later :)  Basically, he was upset that this Lego group wasn't happening the same way the Lego group worked in his old school.  BUT, that was more individual therapy and THIS Lego group is more about GROUP.   He maintained that the leader didn't know what she was doing.  That she didn't know how to run a Lego group.

He also was upset that he asked several (he said ALL) of the kids to build the project he wanted and NO ONE even answered him (imagine this being said with lots of pre-teen angst).  The group leader emailed me that he asked maybe 2 kids and they did respond but they didn't want to build what Son wanted.  So Son went and sat by himself instead of being flexible and going to another group.  

Things I suggested to Son to think about before the next group is that the other Lego group was to help him learn a completely different skill set, that this group is to learn how to work with LOTS of kids, not just one other.  He needs to try to be more flexible and learn to go with the flow, something that I know is VERY hard for AS kids.  He needs to have patience with the other kids in the group because they are there to learn the same skills as him and they might not know HOW to respond to his request to build.  And last and most importantly, that he needs to go to the next group thinking about how much fun he is going to have and not about how disappointed he was with group before.

I also let the leader know all this to find out the complete story as well as to help her learn about Son.  She was thrilled to get the info and made some changes to the group for this week. Son went in excited to be there and had a wonderful time. 

My concern for this week was that he was working with only one other kid.  Just like the old Lego group.  BUT, I am not saying anything yet.  I am going to assume that the leader will shuffle the kids around and that Son will have a chance to work in a larger group next week.  And if he doesn't then I will suggest to the leader to shuffle him around.

Overall, I am pleased with Lego Group and with the leaders of the group.  The newest leader is the teacher that helped to diagnose Son in the first grade.  So she knows him and how to get him to work.  This is a good thing!

I have a couple of posts in the can this week and I will try to get around to check out what you've been up to!

Jaxon gets Bike Sick

I took Jaxon for a bike ride tonight.  And he got sick.  Poor baby! 

He also got sick in the car yesterday on the way to Lego Group. 

I hope this is something he will out grow!

First Fish

Son spent Easter Monday fishing.  This is his first catch:

Good Job!

But can you catch a keeper?