Playing Catch Up...sigh

Yes, I've been missing in the Blog World. I would love to say I've been living my life.  And that would be partially true.  The other part of that is that I've been avoiding things.  Lots of things.  sigh.  And I'm not saying I'm ready to face all of those things but I think I will have a better chance of facing them if I talk about them.  And here is where I talk about them, with honesty.

To bring you up to date:  Jakes and I made up.  Just in time for him to go back to the farm this spring.  For a while, things were good between us.  I limited the time we spent together, only one overnight every other weekend. And some Friday evening dinners.  But then school got out and he wanted to spend more time with me, he's not very happy at his fathers and I am a push over to take him to the farm. sigh.... but more time led to us falling back into our old routine of annoyance and disrespect.  He's been here for a week now, with many blow-ups and arguments.  He also thinks he's coming back next Friday for another week.  And right now, I am not willing to have him.

But as his mother, I'm SUPPOSED to want him around right?  And those feelings have created a lot of guilt and conflict within me.  I have to get over what I think is expected of a mother and accept what I can actually DO in this life with THIS child of mine.  I have to reconcile my heart and my head that I may not be able to be the mother I think is expected of me in this day and age. I  think I spend a lot of time comparing my mothering skills to those of my mother.  She was raising children in a different age and I can't ask her if what I'm feeling is "normal".  See..... I have a lot to reconcile in my heart and my head.  More on this later.

Work is work. Summer is the slow season for me but at the years end, I will be getting busier.  I've also contemplated looking around to change jobs.  Maybe I need something that will engage my mind more.  But then I think about all the vacation days (20 per year plus sick time) and the flexible schedule I have and I chicken out.  The pay is good and its close to home.  sigh.....

I am going to start a part-time job in September.  Nothing that will add stress to my life, weekends only. In a decorating warehouse that's open to the public. I will be a cashier/stock person.

So I have some things on the horizon to look forward to. And some things to work through.  So I'm back to continue with my therapy. I hope you'll join me on my adventures1

Retreating

There are times when its good to retreat. When its time to relax and regenerate, when its time to contemplate the big and small in your life.  When you are ready to retreat, its nice to have someplace beautiful and peaceful.

When I took my friend to Cape Cod, it was because she was a retreat leader for a group of women in recovery.  It was a lovely weekend!  The retreat house was pretty, old and well cared for. Of course I didn't take any picture of it.  Its right on Buzzards Bay in Cape Cod and has its own beach. I didn't wander there because the path to the beach was buried FEET of snow.

Saturday morning, we started our day in the Chapel.  Plenty of quiet and calm and pretty scenery for meditation and contemplation.

The view from the Chapel window

So much snow

There is a group of deer the staff of the retreat house have fed through the winter.
They decided that they wanted to join morning prayers

Pretty

They come right up to the window

Mornings started with this view and blessing from nature is a wonderful way to start!

Recalculating, Recalculating....

I went for a lovely weekend trip to Cape Cod recently. I drove my Favorite Nun to a retreat there.  While she was giving the retreat on Saturday, I braved the old and newly fallen snow to explore the area.

I've never been there so this was a prime opportunity to check things out. As soon as Sister Anne asked me to go with her I started exploring the area on Google Maps so I had an idea of places and things I wanted to see.

Unfortunately,  Mother Nature tried to spoil my fun.

There was lots of snow left from the winter storms

When I left the retreat house it was snowing. Nothing that seemed to hinder traffic or visibility. Just enough to get me wet and cold when I left the car.  So I cleaned off my car and headed out.

The Sagamore Bridge, the gateway to the Cape.

My final destination was to be Provincetown,  all the way over on the inside arm of Cape Cod. And that's what I plugged into the GPS. Nothing specific just get me to the center of town and I'll go from there.

Welcome

I knew I wanted to travel over Route 6 cause it was the scenic ride to Provincetown and I would be able to access the National and State parks along the way.   But GPS had other ideas. She tried to take me over route 25. Hmm.  Not the way I want to go.  I saw a sign directing me to Route 6 and jumped on it.  That was the first "recalculating"  from the GPS.  But she went with it this time.

Driving on Route 6 makes you hungry

Driving on Route 6 was lovely, even with the snow.

I took many detours on my way to Provincetown. I  stopped at the Cape Cod National Seashore Park.  GPS yelled "recalculating" at me again.

The Ocean at Cape Cod National Seashore Park

And of course, I needed to put my toes in the water. I am a polar bear, after all..

Just the toes though..

The Lighthouse at National Seashore Park

I made my way back to Route 6 which made GPS happier.  All along Route 6 there were places to explore, different accesses to the beach through the National Park.  There are clusters of cabins for vacationers, and just plenty of beautiful scenery.  I do wish I'd been able to be there once the snow is gone but I can always go back in the summer.

Getting closer to Provincetown and I was pretty sure I wouldn't be doing any more detours.  But low and behold, there is the exit for the Marconi Beach!  This is was Marconi sent the first wireless message across the ocean to England. Time for one more detour; "recalculating" from the shrieking GPS.  This was the "outer most" point of the Cape.

From this spot....

Finally, the destination:

I made it!

BUT I still decided that I wanted to go into the town from a different direction.  So more "recalculating" from the GPS.  I made my way over to the center of town where there was free parking and easy access to everything I wanted to see.

Pictures anyone?

The fishing fleet

Home on the water

Town Hall

Beach Entertainment

After wandering the narrow streets and seeing the sites, I don't think Provincetown in the "on season" is some where I'd want to visit.  It just seemed to crowded and closed in for my tastes. I was slightly claustrophobic in the "off season" for me.

I left Provincetown, with the destination of the Retreat Center plugged into the GPS.  But of course, there were more detours on my way back.  I tripped off Route 6 to see Hyannis.  I put the Kennedy Library as a pass through destination so she didn't scream "recalculating" at me the entire time.  BUT she didn't tell me WHEN we were at the library so I missed it. I  need to work on that with the GPS.  Its got to be a setting or something.

So back on Route 6 for the uneventful drive home. It was lovely.

Pot Holes

Winter is hard on the roads, especially for areas that get snow and ice that requires treatment with salt and sand. And let's not mention the snow plows scrapping the snow and ice off the roads.

So now that Winter has appeared in my neck of the woods with a vengeance, there are POT HOLES every where.  So much fun to dodge car-eating holes in the road!  There is one that I manage to hit EVERY day on the way to work.

So I am all for the state, county and township representatives coming around and filling them.  BUT, I think they should check the weather forecast before they go around and fix them.  

This week, the state was around fixing my morning pot hole but my problem is that there was more snow predicted for Thursday following morning.  Enough snow that the plows would be out again.  So really, was there a reason for filling the pot holes just to have them reopened the next day??

So while I was sitting in traffic watching them fill the pot holes, I was also fuming about my tax dollars at work.  And wondering if I would get stuck behind them again next week.

Did I mention I hit my favorite pot hole again this morning?

Spring is coming.

Jaxon Loves Balls

I've posted before how much Jaxon loves tennis balls.  Then I  saw this and if Jax could text me, this would be him......

See?  The Dog loves his Balls.

Garden Planning

Spring is coming, right?  I have to be thankful that we haven't been pummeled by the storms like New England.  Sorry, my New England friends - Chin Up - spring is coming.

Local stores are putting out their spring and summer supplies and it makes me want to get my garden started.  Or at least planned.

Last years stuff

Pallet gardening last year

So I have been making plans for what I want to plant this year.  I also have added to my Pots and am planning to plant some asparagus  in one of the new pots.  It will be some time before I get any crop from it but will be worth it in the long run.  And since they will be in the pot, if I move it will be easy to take them with me.

So, I'm drooling over seeds for beans, peas, lettuce, spinach, tomatoes and peppers.  YUM!  OH!  Butternut Squash!  Maybe I'll do something different and start some onions in a pot as well.

I can't wait for spring and summer to come so I can have yummy veggies.

Polar Bear Plunge 2015

I did it again. And it was So much fun!

Running for the fun!

Yes, I am actually IN the water in February.