Playing Catch Up...sigh

Yes, I've been missing in the Blog World. I would love to say I've been living my life.  And that would be partially true.  The other part of that is that I've been avoiding things.  Lots of things.  sigh.  And I'm not saying I'm ready to face all of those things but I think I will have a better chance of facing them if I talk about them.  And here is where I talk about them, with honesty.

To bring you up to date:  Jakes and I made up.  Just in time for him to go back to the farm this spring.  For a while, things were good between us.  I limited the time we spent together, only one overnight every other weekend. And some Friday evening dinners.  But then school got out and he wanted to spend more time with me, he's not very happy at his fathers and I am a push over to take him to the farm. sigh.... but more time led to us falling back into our old routine of annoyance and disrespect.  He's been here for a week now, with many blow-ups and arguments.  He also thinks he's coming back next Friday for another week.  And right now, I am not willing to have him.

But as his mother, I'm SUPPOSED to want him around right?  And those feelings have created a lot of guilt and conflict within me.  I have to get over what I think is expected of a mother and accept what I can actually DO in this life with THIS child of mine.  I have to reconcile my heart and my head that I may not be able to be the mother I think is expected of me in this day and age. I  think I spend a lot of time comparing my mothering skills to those of my mother.  She was raising children in a different age and I can't ask her if what I'm feeling is "normal".  See..... I have a lot to reconcile in my heart and my head.  More on this later.

Work is work. Summer is the slow season for me but at the years end, I will be getting busier.  I've also contemplated looking around to change jobs.  Maybe I need something that will engage my mind more.  But then I think about all the vacation days (20 per year plus sick time) and the flexible schedule I have and I chicken out.  The pay is good and its close to home.  sigh.....

I am going to start a part-time job in September.  Nothing that will add stress to my life, weekends only. In a decorating warehouse that's open to the public. I will be a cashier/stock person.

So I have some things on the horizon to look forward to. And some things to work through.  So I'm back to continue with my therapy. I hope you'll join me on my adventures1

The New Place

I am in the New Place and I love it.  The Holiday Season wasn't very relaxing for me but there were things to be done.  I had to get out of the house with AZ.

The police are watching the house and I cannot afford to be caught up in their illegal doings.

Jakes, Jaxon and I spent Christmas at my parents house and they loved having us.  It was lovely to be in a place where I didn't have to worry about my stuff being stolen or my privacy being invaded.  I didn't have to worry that the police would be breaking down the door to arrest whoever was in the house.  Jakes didn't have to share the bedroom with a 45 year old man, who was drunk all the time.

Yes, things at the house are THAT bad. But I am gone from there and am moving on.

The weekend before Christmas, Neicy and I went into the new place and painted all the walls and ceilings.  I love Neicy!  All I had to do was say, "let's paint" and she was there.  She lifted a 5 gallon can of paint off the counter and pulled a muscle in her back.  She still painted with me though.  We finished up the walls and ceiling on Sunday and I went back to paint the trim on Monday.  I did a little bit of stuff at the new place on Tuesday but tried to relax until it was time to get Jakes for Christmas.

We celebrated Christmas and I didn't go to the new place AT ALL on Christmas day.  Thursday, Jakes cleaned the carpets and I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom in the new place.  The landlord finished up everything necessary for the CO inspection.

Here are some pictures of the new place before I moved in.

My deck.  I'm getting a table and chairs to put my umbrella up. Its going to be a wonderful place for dinner and sunsets.

The Kitchen.  Its a good size and very functional.

Bathroom.  I love the shelves in the shower! I've filled them already. :)

The Living Room is also a good size.  I'm still experimenting with how to position the furniture.

My Bedroom.  I love the windows!

That's the new place!  There are still boxes every where and I have some projects that need to be done.  Tonight I will be finding Jakes's bed so he can sleep in it this weekend.

Tomorrow's post: Friends Who Are Nominated for Sainthood!

Friday Fragments - Just Catching Up

Just to catch you up on things around my house.....

Jakes has spent a wonderful vacation with me last week and we start another one next week.  Poor kids' summer is almost over.  He starts school on August 14th.  Wasn't it just yesterday, he was graduating from 8th grade??

I have a couple of day trips planned for vacation next week with him. Can you say BEACH? And our county 4H fair is next week and he loves being able to watch the tractor pulls on Friday evening.  Can you guess where we'll be Friday?

Jakes hasn't gotten back on the horse since he was made an "authentic rider".  Ms. Eileen has plans to fix that this weekend!  Look out Jakes!

Dad has been to ER recently.  Once about 3 weeks ago after falling on his face, literally.  He tripped on a step and landed face first.  He broke his nose and had lots of scrapes and bruises.  They did a through check up of his entire body and seem to have found a mass in his stomach and some stuff on his liver.  We're waiting for a closer looksey by a specialist before we jump to conclusions.  More info as we get more info.....

I am working on mental health policies and procedures at work.  I also have to get creative and make a treatment plan form.  I'm just not feeling creative right now.  I also need to get the newsletter out before vacation starts today.  Again, the creativity is not there.  Any suggestions for getting it back?

My friend who sold me the new camera has another camera he is giving me.  Its a 14.1 mega-pixel camera!!!  I can't wait to catch up with him to get it and play with it!  Think of the PICTURES I can take with it!  droooool.............

I made an awesome pasta salad the other night!  Boiled the pasta, added a little Italian Dressing, a couple tablespoons of fresh basil and a fresh tomato.  The basil and tomato were picked minutes before being added to the pasta.  YUM!  I love summer vegetables!

I think that brings you up to date... fairly boring at my house!  Boring is good!

Driving All Over - WW



Me and Octy the Octopus spent Monday driving all over South / Central Jersey for work.
Jacob gave me Octy years ago and he keeps me company on long car rides



It was a beautiful day to take in the Fall Colors



Lovely back roads with green fields contrasted with the fall colors

 



Go To Your Room, Now.

Many people don't like where or who they work with.  Me?  I love my office, the people I work with and even for the most part my job duties.

My office space is a little cubicle.  I used to have an office but as the office expanded, the counselors needed the office because of confidentiality.  So they built me a cubicle in a pass through space. That part I don't like.  The copier is in my office area.  Anyone who needs to go to the kitchen or the bathroom has to pass through my office area.  I have two windows and a couple of pretty plants.  And lots of pictures of Jakes and my zoo.

The office is 5 minutes from my house.  I get to go home everyday for lunch, if I want.  I leave at 5 and am home lickity-split.  Love it!  When Jakes was in school here, if he needed me, I was right there for him.

The people I work with for the most part are great too.  Alberta worried like a mom if you don't call in the morning and you're not here for the start of your shift.  Joe keeps tabs on everyone too.  Alberta and Joe are like an old married couple.  They have worked together for about 15 years.  The other week, Alberta asked for a divorce from Joe and she didn't want any of the children.  Me and the other counselors are their children.

Today, I got back from lunch and checked in with Alberta as usual.  We were chatting about things.  A client came in and Alberta said something about people starting to make her crazy.  I said "Starting"  That's when she turned to me and said, "you can go to your room now."  I burst out laughing!  Mom sent me to my room!

I love that we work so well together.  I love that we can tease and be silly and comfortable with everyone.  It makes coming to work a little easier.

Fragmented Thoughts

I have to say I'm liking having someone to share life with.  Last night, I went running with Neicy and on my way home AZ called to see what we were doing for dinner.  He wanted Chinese.  So we met at the Chinese place in town, ordered a slew of stuff to take home.  No cooking for me!  Not to mention the help around the house, with laundry and dishes.  Its all good!  Except for the fish/bait in my fridge.  ewwwwwww

I have to say, I'm a little jealous of all the attention Jaxon is giving AZ.  He LOVES AZ.  Of course, AZ plays with him and is home more than me for right now.  AZ is still looking for a job.  Fingers crossed that something comes through soon.

Dad and Renie went on their first camping trip in The Thing and had a wonderful time.  They didn't go to Harpers Ferry this time, but will go on April.  They were able to hook everything up sucessfully!  There were several other campers there on their first trips with new campers too.  My Uncle and Aunt drove over to the park to visit with them on Sunday.  They came home on Monday, ready to go again!

I had to take some time off training for my 5k.  I had tendonitis in my knee.  Dr put me on steriods and rest for a week.  I hate steriods.  Hot flashes, sleeplessness and flushed skin.  Never again.  Last night was our first night back to running and we backed up the training plan a week.  It felt lovely!  I definitely missed running.  I won't be ready to run the 5k on April 7th.  I will be there to get my T-shirt and to see how quickly I can run/walk it.  And I'll keep working on it!

I am going to totally BS this application that I'm working on.  Its an important one but I think I can work my way through it.  I'll let you know in a couple of months.

Did you see my pretty piggies?  I went to a virtual Pedicure Party over at Betsy's My Five Men.  All you had to do was get a pedicure (professional or at home) blog about it, and link up at Betsy's.  Way fun!  I don't think I've ever gotten so many comments!  And Betsy is giving away a wonderful gift to one lucky winner!  So cool!  Just for getting your toes ready for the warmer weather!

Ok.  Time to start the BS-ing.  Later ya'll!

Sunday Check In - The Panic Attack

Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night with a panic attack about something at work?  I did just Saturday morning. I  realized that this is my last week of work before vacation and I have several applications still outstanding.  My part on 3 of them is complete, just have to print, collate and copy.  But there are 3 others that I am waiting for information from other people.

Of course, there is one application that hasn't been started and its going to take a lot of typing on my part.  Plus my boss still has to look it over and see if its worth doing.  I think I will be working some late hours this week.  And I am typing at home right now.  Or at least I will be in a few minutes......

I wanted so share an amusing story from my visit with Jakes this weekend.  I only had him from Friday evening until Saturday afternoon.  Jakes seemed to think he father would get him around 3.  So we made plans to go bowling with the autism center.  JF texted that he'd get Jakes around 2.  I asked if I could keep him until 3:30 because of the bowling.  JF said no.  When I told Jakes he had to leave at 2, Jakes seemed to think it was all my fault!  Um, how is it my fault?  Your father wants to get you at 2 and I asked to keep you longer.  So Jakes was mad at me because he had to leave at 2 and couldn't go bowling.

Love the way he thinks!  I just laughed at him being mad at me.  Eventually, Jakes did realize that it wasn't my fault and he apologized.  Lots of hugs and kisses before he went home.

Ok.  Time to get typing so I can go on vacation in 8 days!!!!