Tuesday Thoughts

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

Did you wear red today?

I did!

Thank you EVERYONE for your support on yesterdays' post.  I appreciate everyone's comments and love!  You're the best!  I am going to do my best to move on from the rotten weekend and make contact with Jakes tonight.  I am also going to work on not fighting back with him and will be referring all visitation changes that Jakes is involved in to his father.  Going to try and take Jakes out of the middle, even if that pissed JF off.

Spring REALLY is coming!  Last night when Neicy and I finished our Run/Walk, it was still DAYLIGHT!!  Woo hoo!  And on the way to work this morning, there was a farmer plowing his fields.  I love the smell of fresh dirt in the morning!  It won't be long before we have the wonderful smell of manure from the farmers fertilizing their fields.  Of course, that will depend on which way the wind comes from!

The Run/Walk.  I am really liking it!  Neicy and I even ran in the snow/slush on Saturday Morning!  She's dedicated and I'm stupid!  lol  Don't make me laugh while running! Yesterday was harder, it included a longer run.  I had to skip one of the runs.  Boo!  But on Wednesday when we go again, I will do all of them!  Tonight, I will be doing my yoga session and stretching the muscles I am building.



I am working on cleaning and decorating the house for my Scentsy Party on Saturday!  I am so excited to be starting this new adventure in my life!  I can't wait to see where it takes me.  Remember, you can order online and have it shipped directly to YOU!

AZ did a lot of packing this week.  He's keeping a close eye on the weather over the next couple of weeks.  Hopefully he won't run into any on his way back East.  In about 3 weeks, he'll be here!  I can't wait!

Dad has been grumpy lately.  So much so, that I have been avoiding him.  Of course that bothers Renie because when I avoid Dad, I have to avoid her usually.  Sorry  Renie!    Nothing has changed with Dad's health, he's just trying to do too much which makes him tired and grumpy.  He's working on getting the new RV set up for their first trip.

So much to do!  So little time!  Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!

Disappointed & Discouraged

This weekend left me disappointed and discouraged with myself.  It was a horrid weekend with Jakes.  We started Friday with an argument.  We weren't even back on the highway when I was asking him if he'd like to go back to his dad's for the weekend.  10 minutes in the car and we were arguing already.

Things didn't get much better the rest of the weekend.  I get sick and tired of him contradicting me and telling me I'm wrong.  What should be a simple conversation with him, turns into an argument.  And that's even when I refuse to argue with him.  Then he gets mad at me for not speaking to him.

The final straw on Sunday was when he was arguing with me over the fact that his father is right about the visitation schedule.  It didn't matter what I said or showed him on the calendar, his father was right according to Jakes.  So not only was Jakes arguing with me, he was taking his fathers side of the argument.  And getting loud over it.

I just got tired of being demeaned by my son.  I got tired of feeling like I did when I was married, nothing I said was correct, nothing I did was right, and he (my son) talked to me like I was stupid.  One of the biggest reasons I divorced was because I was tired of the verbal and emotional abuse.  I will not take that same abuse from my child.

I called his father and told him to come and get Jakes immediately, which thankfully he did.

But this lead me to tears.  What kind of a mother can't even handle her child for 2 days each week? I sent my child to live with his father in the hopes that I will be able to have a better relationship with him but that seems to be hit and miss.  I realize with the aspergers, Jakes is not going to be a normal moody teen.  But with that realization, shouldn't I be better prepared to deal with him and his moods?  And since I only have him for 2 days a week, shouldn't I have more patience to be able to stand being with him?

I am disappointed in myself.  I am the adult in this situation, I am the one who should be able to deal with him and his arguments.  I know that he is going to argue with me and try to control me.  But I let him get to me.  I let him push my buttons.  I let him have that power over me.  I know better.

I am discouraged that things don't seem to be changing between Jakes and myself.  Yes, we don't fight physically anymore but that's because all he does is sit and watch TV.  We do argue verbally over things, usually me being wrong.  This move to his Dad's was supposed to be better for both of us.  Yes, there have been improvements but there are still lots of discouraging things between us.

This coming weekend is supposed to be my weekend off from Jakes and I think I will enjoy it.  Right now, I don't want to talk to him or see him.  What kind of mother doesn't want her child?

Flakey Friday

I totally flaked on blogging yesterday!  I don't know what happened, I really wanted to post but next thing I knew the day was done.  Maybe it was because I did some work at work instead of blogging.......

Neicy and I are the best of friends.  We support each other through the good and bad.  We also get into new adventures together.  She was responsible for me doing the polar bear plunge each year.  So, Neicy and I have started training for a 5k in April.  She has been running for about a year now and loves it.  I've been complaining that I need to exercise and just haven't found something I like enough to stick with. SO, she twisted my arm talked me into training with her.  Why not?  There is the possibility that I will love it.  So far, so good!  I haven't had too much trouble physically with the program and she's starting from the beginning to work with me.  Plus we get time to chat (when we're walking and I can breathe!).

Jakes is coming for another full weekend with me.  I can't wait!  I've missed him this week.  And he didn't want to text with me this week....  :(

AZ is getting excited to be heading back home.  I might have to come up with a new name for him once he's back here.  He's got most of the planning done, he's going to start packing and his friend is ready to fly out to drive back with him.  AZ didn't want me to use more of my vacation time on him so he found someone else to ride with him.  So no cross country drive for me!  I'm kinda happy and sad about it.  But it will work out how its supposed to work out!  AZ will be staying with me once he gets back here until he gets things sorted out.

I really need to get motivated with my new business.  I just haven't felt like getting organized.  But I HAVE to get things ready this week.  I'm having my launch party next Saturday!  Lots of people in my house that I will have to sell things to.  I have lots to do around my house as well as educate myself on the products, etc.



Speaking of around my house, I'm getting new kitchen floors!  YAY!  I was allowed to pick out what I want in there and its going to be so pretty!  I'll post pictures once its done.



I read an article on Yahoo News today where the mental health community around the world is worried about the new DSM-V being harmful not only to those on the Autism Spectrum but across the board.  They are saying that a lot of the diagnosis are being moved from mental health to medical.  Not to mention the way things are classified may hinder people from getting appropriate treatments or even allow sex offenders to be released from prison!  I wrote how the new book could affect Jakes and millions of other kids who are currently diagnosed but may loose that diagnosis with the new standards.  Let's hope the APA takes another long hard look at what damage they may be doing to the mental health community.



This weekend will hopefully be filled with Riding lessons, running and some grocery shopping.  Then it will be home to clean and stencil my kitchen cabinets!  I've only lived here for 4 years and I'm just now getting around to decorating! 


Have a wonderful weekend!

This is What a Teenagers Looks Like - WW

So Handsome!

Proposed Changes to the Autism Diagnostic Criteria

Jakes has Asperger’s Syndrome. I remember getting the paperwork from the child study team and reading, Autism. I was SO angry! How could these people say there was something so seriously wrong with my child? My child doesn't act like the stereotypical Autistic child I've seen on TV.

Since my job includes a lot of research, I immediately went online to look up more information about Autism. I found the current DSM-IV diagnostic criteria and compared it to how Jakes was acting in school. I didn’t think that he fit into the criteria for Autism and I told the child study team exactly what I thought and why. I detailed the diagnostic criteria and Jakes symptoms for them.

A couple of days later, I received a letter from the child study team with a revised recommendation of Asperger’s Syndrome. They also included the DSM-IV diagnostic criteria and had marked on the paperwork how they felt Jakes fit into the criteria. I had to agree. After having him evaluated by a top neuropsychologist, it was official. Jakes has Asperger’s Syndrome, a form of Autism.

With the current DSM-IV criteria, Asperger’s Syndrome is considered on the Autism Spectrum but is considered its own disorder. This allows Jakes to get tons of services as he needs them, through the school, through outside therapy agencies, through the child welfare agency, and through our local Autism Center.

Fortunately, Jakes has learned to cope with his Asperger’s Syndrome, progressing from needing an aid at school as well as daily and weekly therapy sessions to no therapies at this time and no aid at school. They are even talking about changing Jakes from an IEP down to a 504 plan! He has come a long way. But he still needs services under the Asperger’s diagnosis.

With the proposed changes to the DSM-IV Diagnostic Criteria, there will be no more Asperger’s Syndrome. It will be Autism or nothing. The American Psychiatric Association says that the new criteria establishes degrees of severity for the disorder and would help provide more targeted treatment for patients. The new criteria is designed to lead to more accurate diagnosis and to allow therapists to design better treatment interventions for children who suffer from Autism Spectrum Disorders.

I did a quick review of the proposed diagnostic criteria for Autism and I believe that Jakes would loose his diagnosis, therefore, the services he still needs. I am by no means an expert on translating the diagnostic criteria to Jakes symptoms but I know how to read and most of all I know my son. I would not be surprised if he were re-evaluated under the new diagnostic criteria that he would no longer be on the spectrum. Fred Volkmar, head of the Children’s Psychiatry at Yale University believes this revision would exclude up to 60% of children now suffering from Asperger’s syndrome. 60 PERCENT of the children would loose their diagnosis!

Now, as a parent of an Aspie (a common nickname for Aspergers’ kids), I might find it offensive or even scarier to say my child has Autism. In today’s world the word Autism may conjure images of a child who cannot make eye contact and sits and rocks back and forth, wishing they knew how to make contact. I’m sure there are many parents of Autistic children who would be offended to have my high functioning child classified as an Autistic child.

I remember my initial reaction to being told that Jakes had Autism. Hearing that was so scary and maddening. Hearing that he had Asperger’s was comforting in a way. I didn’t want my child to have Autism, but it was okay for him to have Asperger’s Syndrome.

There will be more debates on the new diagnostic criteria for Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome in the near future. For Jakes sake, I hope they find a way to include him and all the others like him on the spectrum. They need and deserve the services as well as all the other children currently on the spectrum.

But we can help with this discussion, we can let our voices be known that we do not agree AT ALL with doing away with Asperger's and other Autism sub-types in the new DSM-V.  There is a petition where we can shout out and let the American Psychiatric Association know that we don't want at least 60% of our children to loose their diagnosis and services.  Please go here, sign the petition and fight for our children, fight to keep Asperger's Syndrome and other Autism sub-types as their own diagnosis'. Fight for Jakes to keep his needed services.


Thanks to Blogging Mama Andrea for sharing the petition with me!  You ROCK!

New Adventures For ME!

I am starting on a new adventure for ME.  I have signed up to be a sales consultant for Scentsy!  I am looking forward to sharing information about Scentsy and going to parties to meet new people.  In addition to making a bit of money, I hope to have so much fun with this new adventure!  Feel free to join me on it!

Scentsy is a safe wickless alternative to scented candles.  The Scentsy wax is melted in a decorative warmer by a lightbulb instead of a traditional wick and flame.



Full-Size Warmer
Dotty

With over 80 scents available, there is sure to be something you'd love!  My favorites are Lucky in Love, Baked Apple Pie and this months Scent of the Month, Pixie.

Please visit my personal website and check out the sale prices for February! 

10% off select products!  

The Scent of the Month for February is Pixie is the scent of the month. 

A mischievous moonscape of pink pepper, mandarin, and heliotrope.

The Warmer of the Month is Flutterby

So Pretty!

I've added my personal website information and links to the side-bar. 

And don't worry, my blog won't become a commercial for Scentsy. 

The Epiphany of Parenthood

I got this idea from an article on Shine from Yahoo.

Growing up, I had a wonderful mother and father. I didn’t always think so at the time. They were too strict, they wouldn’t let me just run wild, they imposed limited on phone-time and a curfew. They parented me and as a teenager, I didn’t like it at all. And I rebelled, usually just yelling at them about how unfair they were being, or staying on the phone with my boyfriend after the parents went to bed. I can’t tell you how many times growing up my mother would say, “I hope you have one JUST like you, then you’ll know how it really is!”

I never paid attention to her ranting; kids were kids and my kids would be the best behaved kids ever. Delusional much?

When I had a child of my own, I was going to be this wonderful mother who attended the kids school functions and provided the cupcakes for his birthday parties at school, all while I worked full-time and kept the house immaculately. Oh and I’d have the most loving husband who was so in love with me. Like I said, delusional……….

There have been so many times over the years that I have been reminded how wonderful my parents were to me; times when Jakes was arguing with me or just not listening to me. All the hours on the road driving to and from after school activities or therapies.

I think my biggest epiphany that Mom was a saint is when Jakes would run to his room and slam his door. I slammed my door so many times and so hard while growing up, I broke the door jam. It’s so hard not to run after him and yell at him for slamming his door. How Mom did it all those years, I’ll never know!

I’m sure we can all share many stories about epiphanies as parents. Please share them in the comments! I’d love to hear them…….