Faith

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.     
                                                            - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I saw this quote on Martin Luther King day and its been haunting me since.  I have been a planner, if I am doing something, I like to have a plan.  I guess you could say, I like to see the whole staircase.

Over the years, I have proven to myself that I can have faith in myself.  I have been able to pick up after a messy divorce.  I have been able to provide a good life for me and my son with minimal financial help from his father.  I have been able to fight for everything Jakes needs to succeed in life.

I have come to rely mainly on myself for everything.  Yes, I use my parents for babysitting at times but those times are few and far between.  And I am grateful that they are here to help.

When Jakes was diagnosed with Aspergers, one of the things recommended to us was to maintain a schedule and to try to plan things and give him notice on those plans.  I got very good at planning.

My life has revolved around planning.  Most of the time that is good but there have been other times when it is boring.  There are times when I look at something I want to do and I chicken out because I don't have a plan in place.  And I don't even work on making a plan.  Because I don't have faith in the other people that it would involve.

Where do you get that faith in others?  I mean, I am sure there are people in the world who have been hurt as I was in the past.  Why am I so afraid to put my faith in others?  And how do I learn to put my faith in others again?

Titanic

Is this the iceberg that sunk the Titanic?!?!? 

Right here on MY beach!

OMG!! ITS JON BON JOVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was AWESOME! Says Jakes as we left the ballroom.  He was bouncing around with excitement.  The Bon Jovi concert was over but still so fresh in our memories.

Last night was Jakes first concert ever and I was able to get tickets to his favorite artist for his 12th birthday.  After standing outside in the cold, wet, icy parking lot to be let in, we warmed up, found a GREAT spot to watch from and waited for Jon Bon Jovi and his friends to enthall us for the evening.  I'll share some pictures with you.

Check out how CLOSE we were to the stage.  And Jakes had the BEST view!

Isn't he HOT! 
This was Jakes view ALL night. 
I zoomed WAY in, sorry for blurry



sigh.  Can't say anything else.

Jon invited some of his friends to sing with him.  I didn't recognize any of them and rumor had it that they were local semi-pros.  They were all good and it was a great show.

Son thought it was the BEST birthday EVER!



Jakes having a GRAND time!

Here's a little snippet of my favorite Bon Jovi song.

Now, I have to get back to work.  TGIF!


Twelve Years Ago Today.......

This little Cutie came into my life and stole my heart



He has since taught me so much and grown into this handsome young man.

We will be celebrating here:



sigh, can I bring him home?



Happy 12th Birthday, Jakes!

We're going to have SO MUCH FUN!

I LOVE YOU, JAKES

COLD

Cold has griped most of the nation again.  Ok, its January and supposed to be cold.  But I am not enjoying it ONE LITTLE BIT.  I don't know why.  Its not like this is out of the ordinary for where I live.  It could be that as I get older, the cold gets harder to deal with.  Or it could be that I have a friend in AZ who keeps me posted on how WARM it is there. pphhfffttt!

Right now, I am keeping a CLOSE eye on the next storm eyeing up the Northeast.  They are predicting mainly rain and slush for my area and I hope that holds true.  Fingers crossed that its not that bad 4-letter "s" word!

On Saturday, we had a tug and barge head downriver, dodging the ice bergs at sunset.  It was pretty.



Tug and Barge at Sunset

We still have some ducks and geese that make the trip up the ice for corn

Isn't that GORGEOUS???

I am holding out hope that Spring is coming, SOON.

Dearest Momma

Dearest Momma,

I can't believe its been 12 years since you found your peace.  Where does the time go?  I know you are keeping an eye on us and I hope I am making you proud.  So much has happened this year, so much to share with you.

This year has not been the easiest for me in a long time.  I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now and I know I will be able to survive this storm.

I know that family meant the world to you and you did everything in your power to keep it together.  I am ashamed to say that I apparently don't have that same feeling of family.  Maybe its the Gerwitz in me. 

Brother seems to have cut himself off from us.  Dad calls and he doesn't respond.  We don't even know if he is still living in the same place anymore.  I just hope that he is okay with his decision to cut himself off from us.  I hate how hurt Dad is by Brothers actions. 

I also have not kept in contact with your sisters and brother.  One does get tired of negativity and put downs, you know?

Jakes is growing like a weed!  He's almost as tall as me and when I stand next to him, I feel short.  I don't know how to go about talking with him about puberty.  And until recently, I don't think he would listen.  I will find a way, momma.

Dad's busy being stubborn about his health. Like we'd expect anything else from him?  Renie does her best to keep him in line but he makes it difficult at times.  You know Dad.  :)

There are two things I want to thank you for since you left us.

Thank you for watching over me in my search for help for Jacob and me.  Several times in the last few years, you have shown me wonderful people to help me and us together.  Those are the times I feel your presence the strongest.

Also, I wanted to thank you for wishing a child like myself on ME!  I'm extremely grateful you didn't wish TWINS on me!  Just so you know, your wish came true.  Jakes is SO like I was as a child, only worse in some ways.

I love and miss you everyday, mommy.  So many times I wish you could wrap your arms around me and make it all better.  You did that so well when I was growing up.

Your Loving Daughter,

Amy

The Science Fair Results

The Science Fair was held this week.  Son's project was to build two different types of roller coasters out of K-nex and determine which style is faster.  Check this post out for the first Coaster.  It ended up being a really cool project.  Unfortunately, I had to help build the coasters and I am not a good choice for working with picture plans and things that snap together.    Plus I have trouble imagining the finished product.  Son says its cause I'm a girl.

So, here are pictures and another movie of the second coaster:

here's how it all started

Spiral Coaster

spiral to your death!

The Movie:

The required Story Board

The best thing about all this............................................

HE GOT 3rd PLACE!!

I'm SO PROUD!!

Thursday Check In

What kind of blogger am I that doesn't blog everyday?  phft. Not a very good one.  So I am probably  going to take a break from blogging and recharge.  I do have a couple of posts banging around in my head and maybe I will be able to get them out of there over the weekend. 

But first a quick update!

Took Jakes to the Ear Specialist today.  He had an ear infection over Christmas and then there was swelling and yucky stuff around the tube.  Only in his right ear, which has always been the difficult ear.  So after 2.5 weeks of ear drops, there is still inflammation and the Dr wants to take the tube out.  He thinks the tube is causing the inflammation and irritation.  But on the plus side, Jakes is old enough that his ears should be grown into position so that everything drains as it should and we won't have infections or a need for tubes.  HOPE.

My Job.  Still haven't been paid and we are coming up on the close of another pay period.  And there is no word as to when we might get paid.  They are offering lay-off to anyone who wants to take one but you might not get hired back into the same position if at all.  So while I am pissed off at the treatment of the staff and would love to find a way to leave the company, I am afraid.  I checked my numbers for the amount of unemployment I can get and I can pay my bills on that.  I would then know that I will have an income coming every two weeks.  I also still have a savings account to pull from and then replace when I actually get paid from the company.   I don't know what to do.  So for now, I'm not doing anything.  I will give them until Monday and if there is still no word on the paychecks past or future, I will ask for the lay off.

The other thing is that I don't know if they will allow me to be laid off.  I am the only one doing my job and the only one trained to do my job.  I am the grant writer.  If I don't work, they don't get money coming in.  So, while I may ask for a lay off, it may be denied.  We'll see.

Jakes father is still being an ass.  I sent him an email with instructions for Jakes meds over the weekend and he is freaking out over giving it to him.  sigh.  I will explain to him the need once again, quoting the courts and the therapist and hope that he gives it to Jakes.

My dad had surgery last week (I completely glossed over it cause I was in court and I WON!).  He had a bump on his arm that the Dr thinks is cancerous.  If so, that will make 3 different kinds of cancer he has had.  He made it through surgery just fine.  I was more worried about the effects of the anesthesia on his heart than about the actual surgery.    But he was fine and is healing fine as well.  We'll find out the results of the biopsy next week when he gets the stitches out.

Well, that's my check in.  How're things on your end?

Gratitude

Today I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today’s pain into tomorrow’s joy.

I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. I have wonderful family and friends who are there when ever I need them, sometimes even when I don’t need them. I have a son, who I love more than I can describe. I have the ability to fight for the things my son needs and WIN.

I should be grateful for my job as it usually provides me with the means to support myself and Son. But right now I am pretty disgruntled, as I am sure everyone in the company is. See, we are supposed to get paid every 2 weeks which was last Tuesday. But they didn’t have the money to pay us. And they have no idea when the money will be coming in to pay us with.

On Thursday, they paid the full timers half their pay and the part timers got all what was owed to them. But they still have no idea when the money will be coming in to pay us. And on this coming Friday, they will owe me for THREE weeks!

What they are doing is illegal and I along with the rest of the employees could file with the department of labor for this. But that won’t necessarily get us our back pay, it just might cost the company more money in fines and get me fired for reporting them. Plus the entire process takes at LEAST 10 days with the Department of Labor.

I am between a rock and a hard place. I need my job as long as there is a job. Now if they say leave, then I can file for unemployment and be able to live on that. I won’t be going to Hawaii in November but I will be able to put food on the table. I know that there will be money in the bank on a set date and I will be able to look for a new job.

While I am stressed over how to pay my bills and everything that goes with living, I am grateful for this little bit of stress. Nuts, you say? Of course I am! But this little bit of stress reminded me that I have lots to be grateful for.

For now, I have a savings account to dip into to cover expenses.   Gratitude!

Another reason is that my parents offered to loan me some money to help out while I am waiting for the paycheck to come in.   Gratitude!

Plus my neighbor Kathy, who also happens to be my landlord told me to pay her last, she can wait for my rent if necessary.  Gratitude!

AND a blogger/twitter buddy told me I should send my resume to her so she can share it with her hubs.  My biggest reservation with that is that I would have to move.  And not to somewhere warm!  lol  Gratitude!

Am I the luckiest person on the planet? I am so grateful to have these people in my life!

Thank you all SO much!

Now if I can just get my employer to cough up some money.

weekend wrap up

Its been a quiet weekend round here.  With the occasional giggle when I remember the court win.  Want some details?  Ok here they are.

1. Mothers request to reduce the child support GRANTED (the medical insurance premium actually went DOWN!)

2. Mothers request to medicate the child for ADHD GRANTED AS MODIFIED. I don't need the fathers consent to medicate Son for ADHD.  The judge said in his notes "It is clear from the Mother's certification that she has been concerned about Childs behavior for a significant length of time.  The Father only has Child two weekends a month and therefore the Mother is able to observe Child's behaviors on a more regular basis.

3. Mothers request to reimburse medical expenses is GRANTED.  He has 15 days to pay me what he owes for his portion of the co-pays.    Although he is court ordered to, I am not holding my breath.  He never pays unless I take him to court.  A$$hole.

4.  Mothers motion to have Father be responsible for court costs is DENIED.  oh well.  It was worth a shot.  This was the only thing I lost.  Tee he!

5. Father's motion  for an additional evaluation of Child is DENIED.  Tee he!  Of course, this would have made the 4th evaluation for ADHD that was done on Jakes.

6.  Fathers motion to have Child interviewed by the court is DENIED.  Duh.  They are lawyers, not doctors.

7.  Fathers motion to change transportation is DENIED.  And all because he wrote in his cross motion 2 sentences.  Had he argued his points in writing, the judge might have entertained changes.  In my response to his cross, I informed the judge that he moved over two years ago and never discussed changes and the judge tossed that in A/H's face!  So if A/H re-files on this, I don't think the judge will be inclined to make changes.  And I have lots of good arguments against changing things.

8.  Fathers motion to claim Child every third year for income tax purposes is DENIED.  Again, partially because A/H only wrote what he wanted with no details and mostly because its against the IRS rules and regulations.  The judge sited the IRS rules and if A/H re-files on this, I will also include that information in my cross.  Tee he!

9.  Fathers motion to change parenting time holidays and increase summer visitation time is DENIED.  I did consent to adding one week of vacation in the summer and for him to keep Jakes until 9:00 on Fridays and Sundays in the summer.

Ok, so only ONE of my requests was denied and I put that in there more or less to annoy A/H.  Had I been awarded the court fees, it would have been sprinkles on the icing on the cake.

ALL of A/H's requests were denied!  Tee he!  I WON, I WON!

Throughout the entire hearing, I think I only spoke 4 sentences.  The judge asked if I disagreed with anything and of course, I said Nope.  Perfect!  Well, I talked about agreeing to change the visitation.  It was funny to see the judge tell A/H that he's an idiot to oppose something that obviously his child needs to be healthy and successful in life.  The judge also told him that he needs to figure out how to follow the rules for filing the motion.  tee he!  I had to bite my tongue so I didn't giggle right there in court.

So Friday, Jakes had dinner with his dad, Neicy and I went furniture shopping (her, not me!) and then I came home and celebrated with Skittles Vodka!

Saturday, I did laundry, a quick clean on the house, yelled at the kid to get homework done and celebrated with Cherry Jolly Rancher Vodka while texting with my friend, HS in AZ.  He's going through a rough time.  I hope things start looking up for him soon!  He's a good guy and deserves a break.

Sunday, we kicked back and I yelled at Son to get more homework done.  There is more yelling and nagging going on again, we have an appointment with the Dr to see about changing up the medication.  While, its nothing like it was before Christmas, its still not productive for us.

I texted with HS again until he had to leave for errands.  He was bragging about the weather out there.  He was in shorts with the door open.  I'm here with layers and blankets and waiting for an ice storm.  sigh.

Monday, I spent with a book in my hand for the most part.   I haven't been this relaxed in a LONG time.

I have cooked dinner four nights in a row!  Two of them for the Compound.  Its great to get together with them for dinner.  Three generations of family at one table, nice.  I try to cook for them on Sundays because there are usually several nights during the week that we go out to dinner with them and as the "kid" I have to fight for the bill!  lol

Well, I'm going to go nag the kid to clean his room and make the rounds of your blogs!  Sorry I have been absent lately but I have been a little stressed.  There were days that I would head over, read your stuff and just couldn't come up with a comment.  I drew a blank.

Thank you to each and everyone who gave me positive words and out good thoughts and prayers out for me!  It paid off!

I WON!

Just a quick post to say:

I WON!!!

Court went well!  I will give more details later.  Thank you to all who sent good thoughts and prayer for me!  You're the best!

Today's The Day.

Court.  Its finally here.  For me, its going to be anticlimactic as I am already doing what I am asking the courts permission to do.  Medicating my child.  So I am going to have fun with his father through this.  Going to have fun making him look like the inept parent that he is.  Making him look like the money grubbing, begrudging his child's welfare person he is.

See, I found out that he did counter file against me but he never served me with his request. STUPID!  When I called the courts on Monday to make sure things were on track, they told me he filed something on December 15th!  They were nice enough to share it with me and offer advice on what I could do, which was to ask for a postponement for another month.  After reading (and trying to decipher his typos and wrong word usage), I decided that I would be able to defend myself against his stupid requests today. 

The courts allowed me to draft a response for the judge and turn it in along with my back-ups.  I mailed it to A/H but who knows if he would get it in time.  Oh well.

What he filed was that he doesn't think he should be responsible for Jakes therapy co-pay because they are billing my insurance for family therapy.  So he doesn't think he should be responsible for it.  Asshole!

He wants Jakes evaluated by the autism doctor, who doesn't participate with Jakes insurance and will cost a minimum of $150 but the office thinks it will be closer to $300 because Jakes hasn't been there in over 3 years and a comprehensive evaluation will have to be done.  He also wants Jakes interviewed by the court.

He doesn't think he should be made to pay my cost of filing the motion because I didn't try to solve this on my own.  DUH!  I have tried to solve this on my own and when I involved HIM, all my efforts were shut down.  He left me with no other choice but to file the motion.

Those are his arguments to what I filed.  Then he has to audacity to ask the courts to make ME transport Jakes for half of the transportation necessary for HIS parenting time.  He moved 2 states away over 2 years ago and didn't ask for help in transporting him.  He is claiming that his employer has cut his hours and he can't afford the tolls associated with transporting him.  I say tough cookies!  My employer hasn't cut my hours but they didn't pay me this week.  Can't get cut anymore than that!

He also wants to be able to claim him for tax purposes every third year.  REALLY?  You have him an average of 4 days per month and contribute 45% of his support and you think you should claim him????  Not to mention that he doesn't PARENT or contribute anything to PARENTING other than frustration.

He wants to make some minor changes to the visitation order, which I have no problems with.

So I drafted my response to the judge and included as much back up as I could and worked to gather the rest of it.  Which I have to share in court today.  Jakes therapist wrote an AWESOME progress report that details his behaviors before medication and since.  I cried when I read it.  But then I cry where Jakes is concerned a lot.

I am trying to summon my anger at A/H so that I have the strength to get through this today without crying in court.  I didn't put on mascara in case I cry!  And I have a tissue in my pocket.  I am ready for this!

As I type this, Jakes is singing the alphabet song.  I am patiently waiting for his medication to kick in so he stops.  He is so much quieter when medicated!

Wish me luck!

randomness

Home life is getting better. I am enjoying my son again! This was definitely the right decision!

Today, Jaxon is ONE YEARS old! I can’t believe where the time has gone! Just yesterday he was a little pup. Now he’s an adult doggie! He really is the best dog for us.

We are expecting another huge snowstorm today into tomorrow. They are calling for 5-10 inches of snow. But they also don’t know what the track will be. We could get more or we could get less. I vote for less!

I am a kinda backwards person. I complain about the cold and the snow but then I make plans to plunge into the ocean in FEBRUARY no less! Just a little crazy, I know.

I haven’t mentioned my dad recently. Mainly cause he is doing pretty good. The last Drs visit, they didn’t even change any of his meds. How awesome is that?!! He still needs to accept that he can’t do everything he wants, like running the snow blower or shoveling snow. But he body jumps in and tells him when its had enough. And it gives him no choice but to listen.

I am SO pissed at my brother. He has been MIA for a while but usually turns up for holidays. Dad has called him three or four times to check in but he hasn’t called back. Then over the Christmas holiday, Brother didn’t even call back or show up AT ALL. Done. Disowned as far as I am concerned. I feel bad for Dad though. It hurt him deeply.

Court is on Friday. I called to make sure everything was on track and found out that A/H had filed a cross motion but didn’t see fit to notify ME! I explained to the law clerk that I had no clue that he had cross motioned. She said if I can send a letter to the judge before Friday, he will have a chance to read my position on A/H’s requests. She recommended I try to be ready to have my arguments ready before or on Friday, otherwise the judge will just reschedule us in 28 days. So I spent most of the morning with hateful thoughts bouncing in my head, then I already had an appointment with my therapist where I discussed a strategy. Last night I typed up my rebuttal to all A/H’s points and now I will submit it to the courts today. I shared it with Neicy and she approved. She said I have a way with words. Unlike A/H who submitted his paperwork with TYPOS. Really?

I just found out today that I am not getting paid.  The company doesn't have the funds.  And they don't know when they will be getting the funds to pay us.  But they will be glad to give any employee and letter to show any creditors that they haven't been paid.  Like that will matter to the bank that holds the loan on my car when they come to take it away.  If you have a line on a job, let me know!  I have a child to feed!

I have been chatting and texting with HS recently.  He lives in AZ and has had a hard time lately.  Fingers crossed that he is on the upswing!

If you liked my randomness, you should check out Keely's!  She hosts this party.

Polar Bear Plunge 2011

Its Coming!  Its Almost time!  We're getting excited!  Yes, Jakes and I are going to swim in the Atlantic Ocean in FEBRUARY! On Superbowl Sunday!

This will be my 4th year and Jakes 2nd of raising funds for Delaware Special Olympics.  As part of this fund raiser, we will be going for a plunge in the arctic Atlantic Ocean.  Here are some picture of last years fun!



Neicy, Jakes and me



Me and Neicy after our swim.  Check out her face!



Jakes and Me
It was his 3rd time into the water but I wanted a picture of us!



After the Plunge.


Ok so all this is for the DE Special Olympics which does wonderful things for special kids in Delaware.  Jakes would like to raise enough money to earn a towel. If you want to donate, please let me know and I will direct you to our fund raising pages.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming!

School News

Yesterday was a BUSY day!  I had SO many appointment to keep and spent a lot of time on the road. 

The first appointment was with the ear specialist.  He wasn't happy with what he saw going on in Jakes ear.  The tube is where its supposed to be but is imflamed.  Jakes peditrician gave us drops and the specialist was pleased with those.  We are to continue those for 2 weeks and go back for a check.  If the ear is still imflamed, we'll have to talk about surgery to remove the tube.  Jakes and I had a cute conversation about it last night while I was tucking him in.

"Why are we doing the drops still?" he asked.

"Dr thinks they will help the skin around the tube to get better."

"What if it doesn't get better?  I have to have surgery, right?"

"Right."

"Will it hurt?"

"Probably not."

"Why can't they just blow air in there?"

"Cause then you'd be an airhead!" I answered laughing.  He laughed too.  What a cute moment!

The next meeting I had was with the Child Study Team.  I hate these meetings.  They just are not usually pleasant.  And I usually end up in tears.  And it happened again this time!  But tears of happiness and relief, instead of disappointment and frustration!

Jakes homeroom teacher and the Aid were there this time.  Its the first I have met the aid.  I liked her.  She has persevered with Jakes and his bad attitudes.  They both shared that his behaviors at school have improved so much this week.  They are pleased!  He is more focused, quieter, compliant and doesn't blurt out in class as much.  He goes to the bathroom and returns immediately, instead of having to be fetched.  He is being more polite and considerate of the Aid, when he has be very mean and disrespectful in the past.  He is a different child.  One that is likable.

His teacher must think all I do is cry.  At the parent teacher conference I burst into tears and here I did it again!  I am so proud of him!

This meeting was to review Jakes need of the aid in the classroom.  While we are encouraged by his progress in the past few days, I do not believe that he is ready to be without her yet.  We might still have to adjust his medication and he needs to be taught some orgainzational skills.  This is something that he was supposed to be learning all along but was incapable.  So for the next six weeks, we are going to monitor the medication, his progress with organization and then for one week in February, he will be without the aid even in the classroom.  If he continues to improve and does well without the aid, we will keep her away and change the IEP in the spring for no aid the next school year.  If he has problems without the aid, we'll put her back into the program and see what needs to be done to help Jakes learn to be independent.

We can do this.  HE can do this.  We will do this.  HE will do this.

Snitz My Son Says

Jakes and I were having a good conversation while waiting for our food in Friendly's the other night.  Jakes was setting up the iYatzee game on the iPad.  I was admiring the hot young things in the kitchen.  He asked what I was looking at and I told him.  He told me to stop looking at them.  Then I opened a can of worms!

"What if I got a boyfriend?" I asked

"No, you can't." he answers.

"Why not?" from me

"Cause you and I need to save our money so we can go back to Disney, just you and me!" he says.

"What if I get a rich boyfriend who will take us to Disney and we don't have to save our money?"

"No.  Just you and me in Disney.  We can save our money and go on our own."

And then our food came so I let it drop.  But if I even DO find a boyfriend, I don't think Jakes is going to like sharing me.

I have been keeping a daily journal of Jakes behaviors. I started it before the medication and have been keeping it up since starting his medication.  He is like a different kid!  He is calm and quiet, accepting and compliant.  He hasn't even fought me too much on the ear drops we have to do for now!

Our session with Valerie was wonderful.  I was weepy while I told her about the changes we have made and how they have positively affected him.  And she could see that he was calm and patient.  He didn't interrupt the conversation until there was an appropriate break and what he contributed was appropriate as well!  Once we finished briefing Valerie on Jakes progress, she went over several social skills lessons with him and was surprised and thrilled at how well he did and how many they covered!

Mornings are a little more trying than I would like.  Don't get me wrong, they are a HUGE improvement over BM (before meds) but I still find myself getting annoyed with him and having to nag  more than I think I should for an 11 almost 12 yr old.  We will work on that.   I cannot expect miracles in the first week.  Well, I can but I have to accept if it doesn't happen!

Last night, he made dinner for us.  Pigs in a Blanket.  While not my fave, at least I didn't have to cook!

Tomorrow we have a visit at the local Children's Hospital to see an ENT specialist.  Jakes had an ear infection over the Christmas holiday and while the infection was clearing up, the Dr couldn't see the tube but saw a lump in the ear canal that he thinks is the tube with tissue growing over it.  I am expecting to be told that he needs to have surgery to have it removed and another set of tubes put in place.  I will be surprised if they don't recommend surgery.  But, after having gone through 3 tubes placements and one tube removal, I am not worried.  The Drs at the hospital are top notch and the one we are seeing is the head of the department.  I have confidence that they will take the best care of my baby!

I Did TWO Amazing Things

I have talked about making changes to our life to make things better. I am reading “Is This Your Child?” by Dr. Doris Rapp. This book suggests things, foods mainly, that can cause your child to exhibit horrid behaviors. She describes many families who have changed the diets of their children and have seen wondrous results in the behaviors of their children. My mom did it to me when I was a pain in the ass. It works!

I bought REAL juice for Jakes, we worked together to avoid most dairy and took juice with us when we went to OCMD for the night. Jakes has been very cooperative with the whole process. So much so, he even continued the diet changes at his dads this weekend. Go Jakes! I didn’t bother to tell his father about the changes we made, thinking he wouldn’t and couldn’t be bothered to follow the diet. Jakes said his dad only had Kool-Aid and dark sodas so he drank water. What a good kid!

Tonight when he came home, he was in a pretty good mood but he didn’t have dark circles under his eyes as he usually does. This can be a sign of an allergic reaction. Tonight at dinner, he was happy and talkative but not overly loud as he usually is. He also contributed productively to the conversation instead of directing it toward things only he wants to talk about. He accepted corrections easily and didn’t argue over the little things. I’m not saying he was an angel but he was HUGELY improved. I actually ENJOYED having him home! And that is something I have not felt in a long time.

The next step for the diet is to add one thing back into his diet at a time and see if he reacts to anything. But since he is at his dads next weekend, we will probably have to wait another week. I want to add the stuff back in when he is with me and not when he’s in school. We’ll get it done!

I have also started him on ADHD medication. Yes, against his fathers wishes and No, we haven’t been to court yet. I don’t care what his father says because I need to do what is best for my child. His behaviors were getting worse and more dangerous. I HAD to do something.

Jakes pediatrician prescribed the medication and I gave it to him for 2 days. I could see SUCH a DIFFERENCE! He was calmer, quieter and more compliant. He seemed more focused on tasks and pleasant. Of course, we didn’t have any deadlines or school work to complete and he was still coming off the diary and artificial colors and flavors. As soon as the medication was wearing off, I could see the old Jakes coming back. He was loud and obnoxious. He was argumentative and mean. I KNOW he needs the medication. I KNOW the medication was working. I can’t WAIT to see how he does in school with it!

When Jakes was medicated, I felt more centered. I didn’t have to nag him, remind him, or yell at him. I didn’t get frustrated with him and our life. I felt PEACE! and HOPE! that I can DO THIS!

I know that we still have a long road in front of us but I know we will be able to succeed. With the help of the medication, cognitive behavior therapy and time, we will be a successfully functioning family. And I won’t have to hate myself for not liking my child.

Oh! By the way, I did NOT send the medication to his fathers because he doesn’t have problems with him so he doesn’t need the medication when he’s with his father!