Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I Hate Him But I Hate That He Can STILL Do This To Me Even More Than I Hate Him.


Have you ever been SO MAD you want to cry and spit nails at the same time? That’s where I am right now.

I hate my ex. I have hated my ex for many years now and for many reasons. Recently, I have tried being nice to him for the sake of our child. In the back of my mind, I knew it was come back to bite me in the ass someday. That day was today.

There is a restraining order in place between us that we can only communicate via email and only about the child. Usually the order is there for my protection but today he’d better be glad its there to protect him!

Son’s father (A/H for short) owes me money since December for Son’s medical bills. I have sent him a copy of the medical bill and waited for payment. Then I sent him an email reminding him that he needs to pay it or at least make arrangements to pay it (it was sizable so I was going to be NICE again and take payments if he needed me to). I got NO response from him.

Then I signed Son up for LEGO group which of course is scheduled to meet on Fridays during A/H’s visitation so I sent him an email asking for his input in getting Son to the group and then to A/H for the visitations. I have heard NOTHING from him about this. And I need to let the Center know if Son will be attending.

So I sent another email today about it and the money he owes me. I basically told him that Son would be at the LEGO group on Friday and he can pick him up from there and that he has 10 days to pay me the money or I was going to court for it and to have the visitation schedule changed to fit into the therapy. Yes, I threatened him but I was prepared to back up my threat. I have the papers filled out already, just need to print and file with the courts.

He told me the information I provided him about the medical bill was not sufficient and he was not going to pay it.  He has had this bill for 2 MONTHS.  How hard would it have been to COMMUNICATE that he needed more info?  Does he just ignore all his creditors?  Probably.  That would be why they call ME looking for him.  And of course, I share his info with them!

Then he starts questioning MY parenting skills. He questions why I didn’t enroll Son in the LEGO group offered by his Dr a year ago. He seemed to think that being on the road to therapy for an hour EACH way was not that bad. He seemed to think that I chose not to enroll Son for my own convenience. RIGHT. This “man” doesn’t know the hours I have sacrificed (happily!) for our child’s welfare. This “man” who doesn’t believe his son has this disability and needs all this therapy and fought me on the co-pays over the years. This “man” who has not taken an interest in ANY of Son’s after school activities, therapies, medical appointments, or surgeries questions MY decision to not have our Son spend HOURS in the car going to a therapy that was not covered by the insurance and would cost $135 each week. Half of that would be HIS responsibility, which he doesn’t pay anyway! When I talked with the Dr about the obstacles, he didn’t think it would be beneficial to Son and recommended a different therapy that we could find closer to home and that was covered by insurance (mostly). Did I hear this “man” offering to help take Son to the necessary therapies? NOPE! He was too busy looking for the next girlfriend to support him.

He expressed concern that I was going to leave Son at the LEGO group unattended until A/H got there to pick him up. Duh! What kind of a parent do you take me for? Did he REALLY and TRULY think I would leave Son there alone? What if Son had a meltdown in the group (not likely at this stage but has happened), what if A/H got hung up in traffic or something and wasn’t there when Son was finished with group? I think I am smart enough to know NOT to leave my child unattended by a parent or guardian. I mean, I have managed to keep Son in one piece for 11 years without the “man’s” help. Unlike him who has brought him home from weekend visitaiton with a broken wrist and a sprained ankle.  And he didn't even BOTHER to take him to the ER to get either injury checked out.  I had that wonderful privilege. ( the new blogger editor needs spell check!)

Ok. That’s the background on today’s rant. Now on to healing myself a bit. When we were married he ALWAYS found a way to make me feel inadequate in EVERY way. I am still struggling with low self esteem from his abuse.

When I got the email from him today, I initially was VERY angry with him because nothing with him is every easy. Always an argument (I know where Son gets it from!)

Once I got past my anger a little, the feeling of inadequacy flooded in. I started questioning my decisions about Son’s treatments and care. Which of course is exactly the A/H wanted to happen. I am NOT going to let him continue to control me like this ANYMORE. Done.

I have done everything possible to make my Son as functioning, well-balanced and healthy as I can.

I am a WONDERFUL mother who would sacrifice ANYTHING for my son.

And I need to affirm that to myself EVERYDAY.

He is a Piece of SH*T who has done nothing but make getting Son to therapies, medical appointments difficult.

The problem is NOT with ME. I am the responsible parent. And Son, who will be a better person for it, will know who was here to take care of everything he needed or wanted. ME!

I still hate A/H and probably will forever!  Oh and I am SO calling Comcast to report that he is stealing cable!


  1. You ARE a WONDERFUL Mom who loves her son and sacrifices daily to get him the best care. Please dont second guess yourself.

    And the last part about calling Comcast made me laugh =)

  2. like the positive self need that...sounds like he has tried to tear that down before...keep that in are a wonderful parent...

  3. Bringing the boy home with unchecked broken bones is definitely a sign that he is an asshole!

  4. I am reading this, and you could be talking about me and my ex. We were court ordered to only speak through email and he is court ordered to respond within 24 hours. He is the same way about medical bills. And, I have to send him 3 or 4 emails to get any kind of response.

    I DID take mine back to court. It was a long ugly 2 year battle. The upshot..he lost 40% of his visitation and has to pay more in child support. And, now we actually get along better.

    My ex made me feel inadequate in our marriage and in my life as well, and I was so afraid of him. Then I got sick of it and stood up to him and beat him.

    I think he respects the fact that I finally stood up to him, but more importantly, he now knows that he can't mess around with me anymore, because I will make him pay.

    Just know that you are a great mom and that you are doing everything for your child. He is a shit.

  5. Great rant! And I bet you feel better now too, eh, Amy? LOL.

    Seriously, I've posted on deadbeat Dad's before also. Scum of the earth. They like to drink the milk, but they don't want to tend the cow or be bothered with the calves, hmm?

    The Old Silly

  6. I have an ex like that too complete with restraining orders (though they have long since expired).

    You do need to stand up for yourself. Report him to comcast, you can do that anonymously, and then file whatever papers you have. Don't let him bully you.

    My ex owes $1000s in medical bills but I have given up trying to recover it. I don't have to bring my daughter to a doctor or therapy every week so it is a different ball game.

    If he has returned your son with broken bones you have a case against visitation or at least for supervised visitation. It sounds like he lives a ways away from you and that transportation is an issue.

    I don't have any answers but for you to stand up for yourself and believe in yourself. Guys like him tear down people because they feel so inadequate don't let him do that to you. You are a great mom and a great person. You don't need his approval, which doesn't mean much, to feel good about yourself.

    hang in there, it will get better

  7. I don't have any children, but if I did, then they would get the best possible treatment ever.
    Men are just great at turning things around so that it looks as though you are personally to blame for everything and anything that goes wrong! I would get it sorted out through the court as soon as possible. He just can't walk away from his responsibilities.
    I hope that you feel better for your rant, and I laughed too at the stealing of Comcast cable!

  8. I am so glad you are able to tell yourself that you are a great mom and I want you to keep telling yourself that daily.

    Your EX needs to be locked up for not paying and should not have privlages to seeing Son EVER!

    I agree call Comcast and turn him in anonamosly so he will get caught being a thief.

    You should consider taking him to court again too.l

    You have a lot of friends and family who are ready to back you up and be on your side all the way. I am one of those people. Love You Mom....

  9. I agree, don't let him bring you down. I personally like the kill them with kindness approach myself. It gives me a sense of power...I don't know why.


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