Thursday, May 31, 2012

Fishing Fun

Jakes, Jaxon and I had to leave the sand bar when the tide changed and started coming in.  When its high tide, there is no sand bar.  YIKES!  After we lost the sand bar and the beach, we started fishing.  Or I should say, AZ, Jakes and a couple of friends started fishing.  I sat in the sun and chased the bugs away.

My fisherman

My other fisherman, with some of the catch of the day.

We ended up with 8 keeper perch, which AZ cleaned and cut up.  I breaded and fried them and they were pretty darn tasty!

Cleaning the fishies
Its hard work!

At one point they ran out of worms and went searching the yard for more.  They were wandering around the neighborhood looking for worms.  I teased them that they were like worm addicts and would look for a support group for them. 

When the fishing was done and all cleaned up, we cooked the fish, hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad and homemade ice cream.  It was a great ending to a great day.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Jaxon vs. White Heron - WW

Jaxon chased a White Heron on the sandbar. 
Jaxon swam WAY out off the sandbar trying to catch his prey.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Fun with The Boys

I had Jakes this weekend and it was the first HOT weekend of the summer.  Fortuntely, the tide cooperated to allow us to walk out to the sand bar in front of the house.  We walked (Jaxon swam) out and played and ran on the sand bar. It was SUCH fun!

Jakes arriving on the sand bar.
The water was only about knee deep.

When the tide is out, there is a lot of sand bar showing and its only up to about your knees when you walk across the river.  Jaxon has to swim a bit but he follows me where ever I go in the water.

Swim, Jaxon, Swim!

Jaxon loves going to the sand bar cause he is allowed off the leash and can run like the crazy dog he is.

Jakes and Jaxon chasing each other.

The Sand Bar

A different view.....  My House

Jakes, Jaxon and I were able to go to the Sand Bar on Sunday and Monday.  Both boys (and me) were SO tired when we got back.  What a fun couple of days!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Deep Thinking

JF has been quite the a$$ lately. I was putting it down to something I did about a bill from the divorce six years ago that set him off again. After an argument this weekend something he said has me thinking that he is resenting that he has to raise his son now.

We were arguing over the fact that he was coming to get Jakes before the court ordered time, once again he's cutting my time with Jakes short. And since it was a wonderful weekend with jakes, I didn't want it to end before it had to.

In one of his text messages back to me, he called me a deadbeat and said that I threw Jakes out. For a short time after getting that text, I did beat myself up for not being a good enough mother to keep my child, to find a way to make things work between Jakes and I. JF certainly knows how to push my buttons to bring me down a notch or two in the self-esteem scale. And even as I write these thoughts, I still wish there was some way for me to be a better mother to Jakes, be the mother who CAN deal with him on a daily basis and make things work. I think only God and Neicy know how badly I want to be that mother. It's just not in the cards right now. Sniff.................

Back to being a deadbeat.....

I'd love to know how he thinks I'm being a deadbeat.... I'm paying my child support and my share of the medical bills. I get Jakes as often as the court order lets me and even ask for extra time, if there is something going with the family that I want to include Jakes in. When I have Jakes, I take him to riding lessons and we do fun things. This weekend, we played on the sandbar, rescued a crab pot, fished and had a cookout. Jakes left here hugging me, saying he had a wonderful weekend with lots of great memories. Me too, kid. Me too!

Yet, I threw my kid out. Hummmmmmm. Yeah, I guess you could say that I did. But not after trying therapies, medication, mentoring, me learning about his diagnoses and ways to work through them. Not until after hours, days, and months of soul searching to make the heart wrenching decision that maybe I couldn't be the mother that jakes needs. But because a$$hat wouldn't respond to my emails about what I was doing with jakes, because he wouldn't come to therapy sessions or even answer the phone when the therapist called him, he didn't know everything that was going on in my house.

To the end of my days, I will always ask myself and wonder if I did enough, the right things to be the mother my child needed.

Now that JF has Jakes on a full time basis, I think he's seeing a lot of the behaviors that I struggled with and they are not the perfectly happy family he thought they would be. He has to take time off work for drs appointments, make arrangements for summer camp, work with the school for his IEP and make sure jakes does homework and all that good stuff.  He has to put someone other than himself first and JF doesn't like that.

If he thinks that I threw Jakes out, that's on him. I will remind myself all that I did to save my relationship with my child and the improvement it took when he moved out.  I just hope that a$$hat isn't tell Jakes that I didn't want him.  I wanted him to stay with me more than almost anything.  But most of all I wanted what was best for my child.  And while it breaks my heart, I also realize that right now, Jakes needs this time with his "father."

Friday, May 25, 2012

Things That Make ME go hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

ok.  So most of the companies today prefer you to use their websites to conduct your business with them.  They will waive fees if you use their websites.  Except the US Postal Service. 

AZ went to the website to put in a change of address and they wanted to CHARGE him for it.  BUT if he went into a post office and did a change of address, there would be NO charge.

uuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  really???????  Charging to use the website that presumably doesn't utilize any "people" but there isn't a charge for utilizing the "people" in the office?

Seem a little Bass Ackward to me............

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Go To Your Room, Now.

Many people don't like where or who they work with.  Me?  I love my office, the people I work with and even for the most part my job duties.

My office space is a little cubicle.  I used to have an office but as the office expanded, the counselors needed the office because of confidentiality.  So they built me a cubicle in a pass through space. That part I don't like.  The copier is in my office area.  Anyone who needs to go to the kitchen or the bathroom has to pass through my office area.  I have two windows and a couple of pretty plants.  And lots of pictures of Jakes and my zoo.

The office is 5 minutes from my house.  I get to go home everyday for lunch, if I want.  I leave at 5 and am home lickity-split.  Love it!  When Jakes was in school here, if he needed me, I was right there for him.

The people I work with for the most part are great too.  Alberta worried like a mom if you don't call in the morning and you're not here for the start of your shift.  Joe keeps tabs on everyone too.  Alberta and Joe are like an old married couple.  They have worked together for about 15 years.  The other week, Alberta asked for a divorce from Joe and she didn't want any of the children.  Me and the other counselors are their children.

Today, I got back from lunch and checked in with Alberta as usual.  We were chatting about things.  A client came in and Alberta said something about people starting to make her crazy.  I said "Starting"  That's when she turned to me and said, "you can go to your room now."  I burst out laughing!  Mom sent me to my room!

I love that we work so well together.  I love that we can tease and be silly and comfortable with everyone.  It makes coming to work a little easier.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Jumpin' Fish

I'm sitting here in my living room tonight cause its too buggy out there to sit on the porch.  Every window is open and I can see the sun racing to the finish line of the day.  The sky is changing from blue and orange to pinks and purples. Listening to the sea gulls on the mud flats in the marsh and the SLAP, SLAP SLAP of the fish jumping.  SLAP, SLAP SLAP.  Lots of fish are jumping.  They love to eat the bugs that are flying so low over the water.  Every where you look, there is disturbed spot in the water with rings running away toward the shore.  SLAP, SLAP, SLAP.

I told AZ he's missing a prime chance to catch us some dinner!

I get Jakes this weekend and boy do we have a busy one planned!  Dinner tonight on the way home from getting him.  Riding lessons and community day tomorrow morning.  Trip up North for a double birthday party where we'll spend the night.  Come home early Sunday so I can take my Mom's out for Mothers Day lunch. 

Jakes has been texting me quite a bit this week.  Lots of love youuuuuuuuuuu's and stuff.  So cute!  And he starts it.  :)  He's also had a head cold so I think he's been wanting his momma.  All kids want their momma's when they're sick.

AZ started his new job yesterday and it kicked his BUTT.  He's not used to spending all that time on his feet.  And to be honest, if I were to do what he did yesterday, I probably would have been wiped out too.  Its not like a desk job, for sure!  But he's ready to go back and do some more.

SLAP, SLAP, SLAP.....  Wonder how far into the night this will go on..............

I finished up Season 6 of Weeds and can't wait for Netflix to get season 7.   hint, hint, hint!  I started on Vampire Diaries but its just not holding my attention right now. I'll give it another episode or so before I decide definitely.

Well, the tide must have turned cause I don't hear the birds or the SLAP, SLAP, SLAP anymore.  Time for bed.  Have a fabulous weekend my friends!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Boys will be Boys - WW

This is what happens when you throw the ball in the house.

And by BOYs, I mean AZ and Jaxon. 
Jakes knows better than to throw the ball in the house.....

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Momma's Tibute

In January I decided that I was going to honor my mother with good memories and experiences.  I wasn't going to be sad over her passing anymore.  You can check out my tribute to my Momma here......

This Mothers Day, while pretty sucky for me thanks to Asshat, I had planned to write a tribute to the two women in my life who become my special mothers figures over the years.

First is my ESM aka Evil Step Mother aka Renie. She's been in the family for about 12 years now and to say I welcomed her with open arms would be an exaggeration.  She and Dad started dating about a year after Mom passed and I just wasn't ready for it.  I didn't fight it nor was I rude or mean to her.  I just wasn't very open.  I knew that Daddy deserved to be happy and she made him happy.  ESM understood and didn't push her way in with me.  Just accepted things they way they were and waited for me to come around.  As I saw how happy she made my dad and that she did love Jakes like her own, she grew on me.  She is a wonderful stand-in mom without replacing my momma.

My second special mom is my neighbor and landlord, Kathy.  I served her with adoption papers this mothers day.  Obviously, we started with a normal tenant/landlord relationship.  But since she was such good friends with my parents, she was included in a lot of the activities and dinners with my parents.  Kathy is another one who has grown on me over the years.  I think Kathy finally admitted that she loved me more than a neighbor was when I took her doggies in while she was in the hospital once.  Kathy has become another grandmother to Jakes and you can never have enough grandmothers.  When Kathy had surgery a couple of summers ago, all her neighbors worked to make sure she was taken care of until her kids could fly in.  We flew to AZ together last summer and it was a fun trip!  I enjoyed her company on the plane and in the airport.

I am truly blessed to have had a wonderful mother who loved me with all she was.  I am also blessed to have such wonderful mother figures in my life since my momma can't be with me.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Looking for Info

I know I have a couple of readers who are therapists and I know I have readers who are absolutely fabulous parents.  I need your expertise.

I've written countless times about Jakes father and what an asshat (thanks BloggingMamaAndrea!) he can be to deal with.  The most recent difficulty has been that Jakes says he's not on his ADHD medication but I cannot get Asshat to answer my repeated emails as to what medication Jakes is actually taking.  Then of course, Asshat sends me a receipt for a refill of the ADHD medication that Jakes says he's not taking.  So, thanks to the fact that Asshat doesn't understand the concept of co-parenting I'm clueless about what medication Jakes is taking.

What I'm looking for from my wonderful readers:  Information on Co-parenting throughout a divorce.  I did a quickie search on Amazon to see what they have to offer in the way of books but nothing jumped out at me as intriguing.  I was pretty upset when I did that search and could have been biased.  I'll check it out again.

What I am hoping to do with this information:  I want to be able to present a plan to the courts detailing how Asshat and I should be working together to co-parent Jakes. If I have a reasonable plan to follow and its part of a court order that he has to follow it, we should be able to work together or I will be able to take him to court.

So, any information, books, websites or anything at all that you want to share or direct me to will be greatly appreciated!  I want what's best for my child and as much as I HATE Asshat, I am willing to put that aside for what is best for Jakes.

You guys are wonderful and I know you'll come through for me. HUGS!

PS - Wonder why spell checker doesn't recognize "Asshat".  Is too a word! 

PSS - I apologize if I offended you with my use of "Asshat" but it fits him to a T.  If you don't know the back story to Asshat and want to know, message me and I'll give you chapter and verse.  ;)

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mothers Day

Mothers Day Flowers
for you

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Let's Talk Chocolate.......

I am a Chocoholic.  If Chocolate was made an illegal substance, I'd have to be the first in detox.  I am addicted.  I love milk, dark and just plain chocolate.  I don't want it polluted with nuts or fruits mixed in.  If I want nuts or fruits, I want to dip it in or cover it myself.

I come by my addiction through genetics.  My mother was a chocoholic and her mother before her.  Mom would have a small bowl of rice krispy's and instead of white milk, she'd mix a little chocolate milk in.  Me too.  Every morning, instead of coffee, I have a little chocolate milk to get me started.

When I started my New Adventure with the Scentsy Family, they were starting their ramp up for the release of a new product line.  Chocolate Fondue!  My mouth started watering at the first mention. ME?  Able to sell CHOCOLATE?  HEAVEN!

Velata  (VE-la-ta) is the new product line and its a warmer similar to the Scentsy warmers, but you can warm the chocolate into a fondue dipping sauce and dip lots of yummy things into it.

My Velata Website

There are so many fun warmer styles and colors.  The warmers are very similar to the Scentsy wax wamers, in that they use a light bulb to create the heat to melt the stuff.  The Velata warming dish is silicone, dish washer and microwave safe.  The set up and clean up is SO easy!  I plugged in the warmer, turned on the light and while I melted the chocolate package in the microwave, the silicone dish warmed up. 

When I was done tasting, I scrapped the remaining chocolate (yes, I had leftover chocolate!) into a container and put the warming dish in the dishwasher.  Clean up couldn't be easier!  The packages are 6 oz each and are designed to feed 5-6 people. Since it was just AZ and I dipping that time, we had some leftovers.  When I took Velata into work one Friday afternoon, 5 of us went through 2 packages!  Yes, we're pigs!  It was just SO darn GOOD!

There are four flavors of Belgian chocolate: Milk, Dark, White and Caramel Milk.  Let me tell you, I love all the flavors!  The dark is so rich and is perfectly paired with pretzels (salty) and with pineapple (sweet and tart).  The milk is just so creamy and coats the dippers (rice krispy treats and marshmallows) perfectly.  While I am not a fan of white chocolate, the Velata brand was pretty darn good too.   I dipped apples in it and thoroughly enjoyed it. 

My hands down favorite flavor is the Caramel Chocolate.  To quote one of the other consultants "I could live in a package of Caramel Milk!"  I couldn't agree more!  This is so creamy and flavorful!  You can taste the chocolate and caramel, neither overpowers the other.  I have dipped lots of things in this one and can't find ANYTHING that it doesn't compliment.

I have a personal website you where you can place an order and have it send directly TO YOU! 

If you have any questions or want more information, please don't hesitate to contact me!  I have lots of ideas for party themes as well as a LONG list of dippers and wines to match up with the chocolates.  Place an  order and I'll share those with you too!

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

When I Feel Like a Failure

I had a lovely weekend.  Jakes was camping with my parents and they had a wonderful time.  They reported that Jakes was very well behaved, helpful and without a smart mouth.  I'm so proud that he was such a help and had a wonderful time with them.  He can't wait to go camping with them again.  Since Jakes has moved, he hasn't had much alone time with them.

ESM reported that she can see a difference in Jakes without his ADHD medication.  He's not unbearable but he had, I guess "ticks" is the best way to describe it.  He would make noises and couldn't seem to control them.  She said they weren't bad, or even too annoying but she also noticed that he didn't do them when he was on the medication.  She was very proud of how Jakes behaved and helped g-pop with setting up and taking down.  I'm very proud of Jakes too.

OH.  His father took him off the meds but didn't tell me.  Jakes told me that he wasn't on them anymore.  And yet, I have a new receipt for a refill of the medication from his father and no explanation from him as to whether Jakes is on or off the medication.  Wonderful parenting.  But that's another story.

Before my concert on Saturday evening, Kathy and I met friends from Maryland for dinner and they attended the concert.   They loved it! and I loved having them there to share my fun.

On the ride to dinner, I chatted with Kathy about needing space and wanting to live my life without having to be saddled with babysitting duties when my parents go out.  I was not THIS blunt with her and she understood. Or so I think.  She asked me to take care of her animals while she goes to FL with my parents at the end of the month.  sigh.  I think I need to move.

In the space of an hour and half, Jakes and I managed to have 4 major blow ups about various things.  Mostly me getting upset with him for his disrespectful way of treating me and other adults.  By the time I had to leave for concert #2, I was feeling so low and like such a failure, it wasn't fun to sing at all.  I just couldn't pull myself up enough to enjoy the concert.  Oh, I was on stage and sang, but there was no enthusiasm from me. booooooo

That lasted for the rest of the evening.  AZ wasn't having a very good day either.  He wasn't feeling well and there were outside forces that annoyed him.  He said he did have a good visit with his son while they were taking JR back home.  I'm glad JR cared enough to talk with his dad and get his mind off his troubles, even for a little while.  JR seems to be a good kid.  I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.

Later Sunday night, Jakes father is making threats to take me to court again.  That's all they are, threats.  And if he actually DOES take me to court, I'm not worried.  I just wish he would respect the restraints and not make those threats.  I will definitely bring that up in court if we go. SO, things in my house on Sunday night were not very pleasant.  I went to bed early.

What was a wonderful start to a weekend, ended an a pretty sour note.  Next weekend will be better.

Monday, May 7, 2012

My Weekend

Here is a little something of what I did this weekend.....  I am in the front row, second from the left.......

Friday, May 4, 2012

Friday Fragments

Go me! I blogged three times this week!  And ya'll are still round to comment!  Love ya's!

My Spring Concert is this weekend.  We are singing lots of lovely songs again.  I can't think of ONE song that I haven't warmed up to.  When we first started practicing some of them, I didn't enjoy them. But they've grown on me.  Its going to be a lovely concert and I love being with these wonderfully talented people.  Each week I am simply amazed by the talent that is in the group.

Jakes is going camping with the g-parents this weekend.  I will be picking him up and dropping him off to them.  It was their idea to take him camping and I love the idea of Jakes getting time to spend with just them.  He hasn't had a lot of that since he moved.  And they will be camping local so if I wanted to pop in and get Jakes-hugs, I can still do that.

Work is busy as usual.  Lots of boring busy work happening, but its necessary stuff to make my job easier later.

I've started a new business through Scentsy.  They have a new product line called Velata.  Its a fondue warmer and you can melt chocolate in it.  There are so many good things to dip in chocolate.  How can you go wrong?  I'll post more on this later. Just let it be known that I am in heaven!  I love chocolate!

It seems that AZ and I are getting a Pop-up camper!  He's so excited about it.  Friends of his want to get rid of it cause they don't use it anymore.  AZ is making plans of taking me and the boys camping already and we don't even have the camper and don't even know what condition its in.  I've never been camping.  AZ has been tent camping in the past, even at places that don't have facilities like showers or anything.  I don't know that I would like that kind of camping.  I like to hear the flush..........

This weekend weather is shaping up pretty nicely!  Warmer temps and sunshine!  With a chance of storms mixed in.  AZ is happy with the warmer temps, he's still sensitive to the cooler temps.  I'm still calling him Popsicle.  ;)  Hopefully the weather will be good to get some fishing in........

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!  I know mine will be a great one!

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Family..... is there such a thing as TOO close?

Let put this out here right at the beginning.  I LOVE, LOVE my family.  Even the ones that get on my nerves, I still love them.

Ok. For the past 3 years I have lived in the same house as my parents.  Not WITH my parents cause we each have our own apartments.  There were adjustments to be made for me to go back to living so close to my parents and to living in an apartment.  But after the divorce, I needed my parents and the unconditional love and support they gave to me and Jakes.  And the VIEW is Fabulous!

From my Front Porch
Not only do I have my parents right there but our neighbor Kathy is part of the family.  This makes for three parent-figures for me and three grandparents for Jakes.  Lots of love.  Lots of hovering.  From both sides, me and them.  Over the weekend, Kathy got up later then usual and we all noticed.  We didn't go in and check on her as she did materialize but we were prepared to check on her if necessary.  If Dad isn't feeling well, everyone knows and does what we can to help him out, if he'll let us.  Its a great neighborhood with people who care about each other. 

Dad, ESM and Kathy go out for lunch and dinners or they eat together at home.  When Dad and ESM go away, I would step in to take Kathy out for meals.  I didn't usually have much else going on in my life and it was a treat to not have to cook for a few days.

Now, I have AZ back in my life.   
AZ and I at his Junior Prom
We were SO young and in love!

And my life is going in a different direction.   I don't want to spend as much time with my parents.  I don't want to be tied to the Compound, taking care of Kathy when Dad and ESM go camping.  I want to be able to go away on weekends with AZ and our boys.  Its hard enough to schedule our weekends around the boys and their schedules, I don't want to feel guilty for not taking Kathy into the equation.

I have to find a way to let my family, who I love more than just about anything, that I need my space.  That I need that space to see where my life as it is now, will take me.  I KNOW they only want whats best for me.  I know that they are willing to welcome AZ and his son into the mix.  Its ME wanting the space and the ability to live my life without feeling like I have to check in with my family.

I don't want to feel guilty for moving on with my life after everything they have done for me over the years.  The love, the shoulders to cry on, listening to me complain about JF and Jakes' problems, the fun stuff, the bad stuff.

I don't want to leave them completely, I'd NEVER leave my family.  Not after all they have done for me over the years. 
So yes, I think there is such a thing as too close.  But there has to be a balance.  And that balance just has to be found.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


Ok, does anyone who used Blogger like the new publishing layout?  Right now, I do NOT!  Its going to take some getting used to, I guess.  I also do not like the Timeline on Facebook.

Otin wrote a post titled Definitions of Blogging Terms, where he describes phrases used by all bloggers.  And recently, I have used each and every one to excuse my lack of blogging.  One of my favorite Aunts commented on a Facebook post that she missed my blog.             


Maybe I need to make more of an effort to keep my peeps in the loop.  Aunt L, this one's for you!  Let's play catch up!

Ok.  Ya'll know that AZ moved back to Jersey and in with me.  What started out as roommates has progressed into a bit more.  We're still figuring things out as we go along.  There's a lot going on with that subject.  I'm very hopeful that we can make things work out and form a strong loving partnership.

When you get to my (and AZ's age) its hard to find someone that doesn't come with suitcases (baggage just seems negative and the past is not all bad) from their past.  I have an ex and a kid.  AZ has an ex and a kid (JR).  Our kids are both teenage boys, JR is 15 and Jakes is 13.  But they are in completely different places in their lives.  JR has had a rough life so far and has seen his share of legal trouble.  JR has friends and a girlfriend that he wants to spend time with.  Jakes doesn't have many friends he wants to hang out with and while he has a crush on a girl, doesn't have a girlfriend.  JR wants to be out of the house and hanging with his friends.  Jakes doesn't mind hanging at the house with me.

JR's mom is having some problems of her own and it seems that JR will be coming to live with AZ and I. Soon.  Like this week.  YIKES!

As I said before, AZ and I were going to be roommates while he found his feet back in Jersey. When he moved here, he was talking about getting a job (is still looking!) and moving in with a friend of his. There was no talk about him staying with me for longer than a couple of months and NO talk about JR coming to live with him.  But circumstances change and you have to go with the flow.  In all, it seems that AZ chose the right time to come back to Jersey for his Son.

I am in complete support of JR coming to live with us.  He needs a parent in his life and his mom is not able to be there at this time.  I know that this time together will be good for both AZ and JR.

AZ and I are in talks with each other about how to make room for both boys in a small two bedroom home.  Talking about how to get JR to and from school in the next town over.  Possibly moving to that town and leaving my lovely river view.  Talking about rules for the boys and other things that must be done. Lots of talking about how to make this work.

That's the motto, We'll figure out how to make this work.  I have faith that we can do this.  We can make all this work.