Thursday, May 3, 2012

Family..... is there such a thing as TOO close?

Let put this out here right at the beginning.  I LOVE, LOVE my family.  Even the ones that get on my nerves, I still love them.

Ok. For the past 3 years I have lived in the same house as my parents.  Not WITH my parents cause we each have our own apartments.  There were adjustments to be made for me to go back to living so close to my parents and to living in an apartment.  But after the divorce, I needed my parents and the unconditional love and support they gave to me and Jakes.  And the VIEW is Fabulous!

From my Front Porch
Not only do I have my parents right there but our neighbor Kathy is part of the family.  This makes for three parent-figures for me and three grandparents for Jakes.  Lots of love.  Lots of hovering.  From both sides, me and them.  Over the weekend, Kathy got up later then usual and we all noticed.  We didn't go in and check on her as she did materialize but we were prepared to check on her if necessary.  If Dad isn't feeling well, everyone knows and does what we can to help him out, if he'll let us.  Its a great neighborhood with people who care about each other. 

Dad, ESM and Kathy go out for lunch and dinners or they eat together at home.  When Dad and ESM go away, I would step in to take Kathy out for meals.  I didn't usually have much else going on in my life and it was a treat to not have to cook for a few days.

Now, I have AZ back in my life.   
AZ and I at his Junior Prom
We were SO young and in love!

And my life is going in a different direction.   I don't want to spend as much time with my parents.  I don't want to be tied to the Compound, taking care of Kathy when Dad and ESM go camping.  I want to be able to go away on weekends with AZ and our boys.  Its hard enough to schedule our weekends around the boys and their schedules, I don't want to feel guilty for not taking Kathy into the equation.

I have to find a way to let my family, who I love more than just about anything, that I need my space.  That I need that space to see where my life as it is now, will take me.  I KNOW they only want whats best for me.  I know that they are willing to welcome AZ and his son into the mix.  Its ME wanting the space and the ability to live my life without feeling like I have to check in with my family.

I don't want to feel guilty for moving on with my life after everything they have done for me over the years.  The love, the shoulders to cry on, listening to me complain about JF and Jakes' problems, the fun stuff, the bad stuff.

I don't want to leave them completely, I'd NEVER leave my family.  Not after all they have done for me over the years. 
So yes, I think there is such a thing as too close.  But there has to be a balance.  And that balance just has to be found.


  1. communication...i def think if you have not you need to have a family talk ...maybe a few talks ahead of time sepeerately to ease the blow...but...

    is that you in the pic with AZ?

  2. Families....they grow as a unit and they grow as individuals. Things are always changing. I agree with Brian that communication is vital, but so is space to breath and think on your own. Love the jr. prom pic. Good luck with the new relationship.
    You are a big girl now. Go out and live your life!

  3. Did the white suit escape without any stains?

  4. Well (and don't shoot me please!) Are you Miss Kathi's family? If she can't cook for herself and you aren't family, you should not be responsible for her. If she can't cook for herself she shouldn't be living by herself. Does she have family who should be taking care of her?

    I've never wanted to live near my parents. I'll be five hours away soon and already they expect that either we will be driving to visit them or they will be driving to see us once a month. Um, I really hadn't planned to drive over until maybe September or November. I have my own life and I really prefer to keep it that way. This is why I really wish we'd been relocated to Asia. Very little chance they'd want to come and visit us....

    But that's just me. I've never been one for being close with my parents. Maybe moving a town over will be good for you to get that last bit of independence from them.

  5. Sometimes it is good to live close to your family and sometimes it is good not to. I am sure that whatever choice you make your family will support you. They were there when you needed them and they will probably want to be there if you need them again but I am sure that if you talk to them that they will be equally glad to let you go. Most parents want their children to be able to be on their own. That is because they know they will not always be around and it is important that they know you will be okay when they leave. As a parent and grandparent, I can say I love to see them all and we are there when they need us but we are equally as happy to be on our own. It is very peaceful.

    So talk to them, then enjoy your life and your new again love. That is such a wonderful love story. Thanks for sharing it.

    Happy Theme Thursday and have a wonderful weekend.

    God bless.


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