I have worked for the same company for 7 years. For most of those 7 years, I traveled to an office that was about 40 minutes from my home, even though there was an office not even 5 minutes from home. My boss “needed” me at the far away office. When the board of directors let her go, they moved me to the close office. YAY!!!
Over the years of driving the highway each and every day, I had plenty of time to think about things. That’s scary! HA! I also spent time on the phone with friends and family, laughing, talking and even crying. We’d share ideas and find solutions to many problems.
So over the past couple of months on my shortened drive, I have not done very much musing. Today, I had to go to the faraway office and had time to muse about some things that I have been avoiding.
The first thing that I pretty much settled in my mind is about my job. When they fired my boss, who was a great mentor for me, I was terrified that they were going to send me packing as well. But there is no one in the agency who can do my job. That doesn’t mean they can’t hire someone to replace me but they won’t get someone who would be willing to work for the money that I do.
Over the past couple of weeks, I have come to the conclusion that there is no emergency to leave my post, right now. I have settled in with my new supervisor and we seem to be working well together. Also, as long as I am doing my job, they won’t fire me “for cause” but would fire me just because they don’t want me in the position anymore. Because NJ is an “at will” state, they can decide that and there is nothing I can do except to walk away and collect unemployment.
I have looked over my finances and estimated what I would get from unemployment and I could make it. Plus unemployment would send me back to school. Perfect!
So I will still be looking for a better position somewhere but I don’t think there is any urgency to it. I like my job, I like where I work, and I like knowing that I am helping people.
The second thing I am musing about is my son, his behaviors and the fact that he considers me a “Mean Mom”. Humph. Ok, I know that kids at one or more times, will consider their parent “mean” so when he first started complaining to me about it, I just brushed it off. Then my step-mother came to me and said that he had a serious talk with her over my mean-ness and how I am always yelling at him. She basically reminded him that if he would do what I am asking of him and behaved, I wouldn’t yell so much.
I have been listening to myself over the past couple of day and yes, I am yelling at him a lot. But the yelling is after I have asked him several times to do something or to stop doing something annoying. It seems that he is very annoying to me lately. He is always arguing with me over something, ANYTHING and that is annoying. That is also part of his Aspergers.
I don’t expect to be his best friend and I don’t think that is appropriate but I would like to have my son LIKE me. And right now, he doesn’t like me. I need to figure out if his attitude needs changing or if mine does.
I haven’t come to any conclusions as to what to do about him right now. I have to call the autism center back for an appointment with the behavior specialist. And he’s going to be at his fathers from Wednesday night to Sunday night. Peace and quiet! And time to think.
I REALLY need another road trip to give me time for more musing! Happy Monday everyone!
I am participating in Mama's Losin' It: Writers Workshop. I chose Prompt #3, in 1000 words or less, describe a life changing event. I am also cheating a little, as I am recycling an old post from my defunct blog. Grab a tissue and settle in.
My life changed with the death of my mother and the almost simultaneous birth of Son.
I want to pay tribute to 2 people actually, my Mommy and my son. Mom first.
She was my best friend. Yes, we had our problems, but what mother / teenage daughter don't? In my senior year of high school, she was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. She had her first surgery and came home from the hospital in time to see me off on my prom. On my graduation day she had her first chemo. And was sick as a dog in the stands watching me do the walk.
Two weeks before my wedding she was diagnosed with it again. The Monday after my wedding, she started radiation. All this time she was in tremendous pain. She took massive amounts of pain meds and tried her best to soldier on. She certainly was a strong woman and I hope I have half of her strength.
May of 1998 I got pregnant, August of 1998 Mom got Hospice. So we knew the end was coming and lived every moment we could together. My pregnancy proceeded nicely except the Dr kept checking me via ultrasound. I don't remember why now but I have lots of pictures of Son before he was born. The Dr was talking about a C-section for me too. Mom said at one of the ultrasounds that it would be a shame if I didn't experience labor. Right, Mom. Knock me out and wake me when it’s over. Who wants to push a bowling ball out of THERE???
Because I was so busy with work and Mom and getting ready for the new baby, I never took the childbirth classes. I had NO clue what was supposed to happen!
Christmas came and we had a great one. It was pretty much the last that Mom was up and around. In January she became more bed ridden and on more pain meds. We all took turns saying our good-byes and waiting for her peace to come.
By this time, the Dr was happy with my pregnancy and decided that I would deliver naturally. I wasn't thinking about that, my mom was dying.
A couple of days later, Mom is finally at peace and we are at the funeral home. Well, every where I went, there was someone from the funeral home behind me. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, she was standing outside the door. I think she was worried about me possibly giving birth in this place of death. Maybe, it’s bad for business or something. Of course, all night I was having labor pains. Nothing too bad, I could stand and talk and act normal.
We went to the hospital that night and they sent me home. I wasn't ready to be there. So I get up the next morning and go to the funeral. The pains are starting to get worse. Nothing that I can't handle, YET. Someone with a big mouth told the reverend who was conducting the service that I was in labor, which she proceeded to announce to the entire gathering! Nice. All I want to do is hide, but where can a whale hide in a funeral home???
As we are getting into the cars to go to the graveside, everyone stops me and says I need to go to the hospital! Ok, people, I will get there. But the car was in the line to go to the cemetery. We had to go to the cemetery. Dad tries to get me to sit down in front but standing was much more comfortable. I think that was the first that he realized that I was in labor. The Poor Man was lost. I remember seeing Uncle Richard physically drag Dad away from the graveside.
So after the services, we got into the car, came home so I could change and get my bag. By the time we get over there, I am well on my way to bringing Son into the world! I start asking for Drugs. The hospital was swamped with other women who got there first. I don't care, where are my drugs???
This is where my tribute to my mom comes in. Because I took my time getting there (had to say goodbye and have closure) and because they were BUSY, I NEVER got my drugs!
Yes. Completely natural child birth for someone who wanted to be knocked out! Thanks to MOM, I got to experience NATURAL CHILD BIRTH!
At the time it was horrible! Of course, I don't remember much of it now, but the stories Son’s father told was like scenes from the Exorcist, where the head spins around and green puke fills the room.
Seriously, though, my tribute to Mom is that she showed me what I am made of, watching her live with the pain and disease and not letting it get the better of her until the very end. Because of Mom, I am a strong person who knows I can survive anything thrown at me.
And then, I was holding my son. My beautiful son, who looks like Mom and saved me and my dad when we were totally lost without Mom. My tribute to my son, my savior.
I thought I would toss some of the odd mis-matched thoughts floating around my head recently. Go here to see more Random Thoughts!
Son has been wandering around the house singing. If he hadn't inherited my sense of pitch, I would enjoy it! But since he has been singing so much, he was awarded the Music Student of the Month for October! Way to go Son!
I have been sitting here watching all the traffic on the river tonight. Lots and lots of ships heading to sea! I even turned out the lights so I could see them better. Of course that makes typing a little more difficult.
Even though I live in a hick, backwards, everyone is related to everyone (except me!) town, I found out we have a wonderful Autism Center. They have lots of programs for kids on the Autism Spectrum, they work with your child study team if you want them too, and they are starting a Lego Group. The kids get together and work to build a project, all the while learning how to socialize with everyone. They are collecting Legos for this group. I think I will donate a project for Christmas! The best thing about this Center (other than being LOCAL!) is the programs are FREE to county residents (ME and SON!!!!). I LOVE THIS PLACE!
I am a grant writer and at the end of the year, the counties send out their requests for proposals where they are asking for non-profits to beg them for money and tell them how we will spend their money. Thankfully, this year each of the counties where we provide services have sent out their RFP's in a different month. This means I didn't have to kill my fingers to get them done! I am currently working on 7 different ones that are due December 3rd.
My landlord said I can get a puppy! As long as its a small puppy. Oh wouldn't Son be excited if I told him! Now comes the research into whether I want a puppy or a rescue doggie. Puppies are SO cute.
My step-mother went to a convention today and brought back lots of give-a-ways (aka JUNK) and she wants to share with Son. Thankfully she didn't get home in time to share with Son tonight.
My friend, Denise is now a Scenti Consultant. This is a candle system that doesn't burn. It uses a light bulb to melt the scented wax. I was her first guinea pig and hosted her first party. She did a wonderful job and my friends and I got to smell over 80 scents. It was a very fun afternoon! Thanks Denise!
I think I dumped enough randomness out there tonight! Don't forget to visit other Random Tuesday Thoughts at The Un Mom
I have a friend who reads my blog and comments directly to me instead of in the comment section. Don't know why but at least he reads. Today's comment was that I complain about my kid alot. So I told him that my next post would be all about him, with pictures! Don't worry! Its 'G' rated, almost! So here goes.
He used to spend a lot of time over the house, just hanging out with us. Here he is hanging out.
UPDATE: I was asked to remove his picture. I thought it was cute but some people don't have a sense of humor
Here is Son practicing to be just like ........
Isn't he the cutest? The little kid, not the big kid!
So, friend, a post all about you and not complaining about my kid! Enjoy!
As with many households with children and working parents, my mornings are BUSY. And with Son having Aspergers, changes to the routine create total chaos and meltdowns. As he has gotten older, the meltdowns involve less crying and more yelling. I think I prefer the crying. I think my neighbors prefer the crying too!
Anyway, some how after 35 years, the township decided that my little dead end street needed new curbing and paving. Ok. Cool. Some payback for the taxes I pay.
But, the machines show up at 7 AM and are a complete distraction for Son. He LOVES big machines and all the construction stuff that comes with them. He has spent the past 3 mornings staring out the window watching. Yesterday, I was able to use his fascination to my advantage and bribed him to get ready for school, THEN he could go out and take pictures. I haven’t seen the kid move so fast since we got back from Disney!
Here are some of the pictures he took. He’s not a bad photographer!
Cutting up the concrete by our mailboxes.
Pulling out the concrete down the street from us.
Battle of the Backhoe's!
Because today is raining here, I drove Son to the bus stop. While we were waiting we saw a fleet of concrete trucks pass the street TWICE. I think they were lost.
They are supposed to be finished in about a month so let's hope for good weather and better directions so the mornings around here can be peaceful again!
I'm BAAACCCKK! Actually, I got back on Sunday but was quite grumpy until today and that would NOT make for a very good post.
My weekend was lovely. I enjoyed my time alone. I walked the beach and the boards and searched for horsies over on Assateague Island. and I FOUND SOME!
There were 4 of them clustered here.
Here's a fox I caught sneaking around.
Out on the Beach it was a glorious day for fishing.
But I don't think this Horseshoe Crab agreed.
I walked over this bridge in my quest for Horsies.
It was STEEP!
This little guy crossed my path.
Does anyone know how to predict Winter from him?
I spent lots of time watching the ocean crash, did a little shopping and just basically enjoyed my alone time! And the best part? I get to GO BACK in DECEMBER! TWICE! Woo ho!
In December, I go there with a bunch of girlfriends and no KIDS or MEN! There was one year that we made an exception and allowed my father to come with us but he stayed at a different hotel from us girls and only showed up to help get Mom's wheelchair in and out of the cars.
When school is out between Christmas and New Years, Son and I go down for a quick overnight and see the light show they have in the park. If I could afford to live there, I would in a heartbeat!
I wanted to express my deepest sympathy to everyone at Fort Hood. They have been through a horrific tragedy and they will need our prayers and support for a long time.
While at breakfast this morning, I overheard a conversation where the man said the shooter at Ft. Hood should not have been allowed to be in the military because he was not an American. His theory was that if we lived in Japan, we would not be allowed in their military.
Its my understanding that the shooter WAS born in America. Just because he believed in a different religion doesn't mean he couldn't be a good officer in our military. Are we going to throw out everyone who believes differently or who is a first generation American?
The man at breakfast was suggesting that we should throw all muslins and people from the Middle East out of our military. Why should THEY be penalized because ONE person went crazy? I am sure that there are many muslins in our military who are mentally stable and assets to our military. Removing them from their positions would be discrimination and that is not what America is about.
To my knowledge, America is the land of the free. Everyone is free to practice the religion and belief system they want. That's why SO many of our ancestors immigrated here. And probably why the shooters parents came to America, religious freedom as well as the local Mini Mart on the corner.
It is obvious that the shooter had mental problems and probably should not have been an officer but he could be one in a million. I have a friend who is a first generation American, who spent many years in the Air Force and Air National Guard. He went to the Middle East twice and is now disabled do to his service for America's freedom.
YOUR freedom to express YOUR opinions on whether the shooter and others like him should be in the military. MY freedom to tell you how stupid that is.
You have a freedom to comment but I ask that you be respectful and remember this is MY opinion and I am free to express it.
Veterans Day is Wednesday. Remember all the service men and women who are currently working to protect your freedoms and remember the ones who have given their very lives to protect you.
Happy Tuesday! This election morning, I was up earlier than usual and saw the perfect moon-set! It was gorgeous and I grabbed my camera to try and capture it.
Not too bad, huh?
But I thought I could do better from the beach. There was a little bit left and the tide was coming in. So down these steps I go........
There was no water at the bottom this morning. But the last 4 steps are covered in slimy algae. YUCK. I hung onto the railing and STILL fell in a heap in the sand. Luckily no one was around to see my disgrace!
I am fine. My pride is bruised more than my body, but if anyone knows how to get sand out of the controls of a camera, I would love to know!
I'm off to bake bread for election headquarters and then to work the polls this morning! Don't forget to vote!
It seems that I am predictable. Instead of asking what I am making for dinner, my friends ask if I am going out to dinner or if I am cooking. And they laugh at me if I say I am cooking.
Its not that I am a bad cook, I just DON'T cook very much. I live in an apartment under my parents and they don't cook either. They typically go out to dinner 6 nights per week and take our friend and neighbor, Kathy. Since I moved in here, Son and I join them a lot. I admit that one week, I didn't cook AT ALL. We went out EVERY NIGHT with them. And its great cause we rotate who buys, who leaves tip and who doesn't pay. Of course, they usually fight with me when I say its my turn, they don't think I should take a turn.
Today, I was chatting with my friend about our weekends and when I told her I cooked twice, she actually laughed! Like it was comical that I cooked. Later in the day another friend asked if I was going out to dinner and she giggled.
I think they are jealous! Actually, I know my one friend is, she asked if she could be adopted! lol
Another reason to love living so close to my parents!