Monday, November 23, 2009

Monday Musing

I have worked for the same company for 7 years. For most of those 7 years, I traveled to an office that was about 40 minutes from my home, even though there was an office not even 5 minutes from home. My boss “needed” me at the far away office. When the board of directors let her go, they moved me to the close office. YAY!!!

Over the years of driving the highway each and every day, I had plenty of time to think about things. That’s scary! HA! I also spent time on the phone with friends and family, laughing, talking and even crying. We’d share ideas and find solutions to many problems.

So over the past couple of months on my shortened drive, I have not done very much musing. Today, I had to go to the faraway office and had time to muse about some things that I have been avoiding.

The first thing that I pretty much settled in my mind is about my job. When they fired my boss, who was a great mentor for me, I was terrified that they were going to send me packing as well. But there is no one in the agency who can do my job. That doesn’t mean they can’t hire someone to replace me but they won’t get someone who would be willing to work for the money that I do.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have come to the conclusion that there is no emergency to leave my post, right now. I have settled in with my new supervisor and we seem to be working well together. Also, as long as I am doing my job, they won’t fire me “for cause” but would fire me just because they don’t want me in the position anymore. Because NJ is an “at will” state, they can decide that and there is nothing I can do except to walk away and collect unemployment.

I have looked over my finances and estimated what I would get from unemployment and I could make it. Plus unemployment would send me back to school. Perfect!

So I will still be looking for a better position somewhere but I don’t think there is any urgency to it. I like my job, I like where I work, and I like knowing that I am helping people.

The second thing I am musing about is my son, his behaviors and the fact that he considers me a “Mean Mom”. Humph. Ok, I know that kids at one or more times, will consider their parent “mean” so when he first started complaining to me about it, I just brushed it off. Then my step-mother came to me and said that he had a serious talk with her over my mean-ness and how I am always yelling at him. She basically reminded him that if he would do what I am asking of him and behaved, I wouldn’t yell so much.

I have been listening to myself over the past couple of day and yes, I am yelling at him a lot. But the yelling is after I have asked him several times to do something or to stop doing something annoying. It seems that he is very annoying to me lately. He is always arguing with me over something, ANYTHING and that is annoying. That is also part of his Aspergers.

I don’t expect to be his best friend and I don’t think that is appropriate but I would like to have my son LIKE me. And right now, he doesn’t like me. I need to figure out if his attitude needs changing or if mine does.

I haven’t come to any conclusions as to what to do about him right now. I have to call the autism center back for an appointment with the behavior specialist. And he’s going to be at his fathers from Wednesday night to Sunday night. Peace and quiet! And time to think.

I REALLY need another road trip to give me time for more musing! Happy Monday everyone!


  1. "If he would do what I am asking of him and behaved, I wouldn’t yell so much."

    LOL, true dat! Something The old Silly had to learn as a little kid.

    Loved the muse - have a great holiday week, Amy!

    Marvin D wilson

  2. I've been stuggling with Weston lately too. He's 5 and getting so mouthy!! I yell more than I plan too. It does not feel good.

    I need extra space to muse also.

  3. I sure wish I had time to muse when I was raising one of our children. I am sure you know eactly who I am talking about. It would have sure helped me and him I am sure.
    I really enjoyed your blog today Ames.

  4. I still do more than my share of yelling, but I'm slowly recognizing when my son is using his "issues' to get out of doing something and when he genuinely can't do what I ask him. It's a very fine line sometimes.

  5. Maybe he is doing it for attention. Maybe you both need a rest. Going to his Fathers for the week-end might get him to believe where his loyalties really lie. It's hard for me to comment, having never been in your situation, but don't be so hard on yourself. You seem to be handling this really well. I don't know how old your son is, but we all went through a rebellious stage at one time or another.
    Take care, get some rest!

  6. I know who Anonymous is!!!! LOL
    Ok, first let me say that I think staying at your current position is a good thing. Im glad you have that settled and feel good about your desicision. (I cant spell today, lol)
    As far as the yelling, I can relate. I was a bad yeller with C. And I have alot of guilt about that, even now years later. You are doing the right thing, you speak to him first and after reminding him you yell. I dont think you are going off for no reason. So you shouldnt feel guilty, but I do think it is normal to feel that way.
    Maybe if you sat down and let him tell you his side, then you explain why you yell. Or give him a warning before you start yelling...."this is the last time I tell you before I start yelling"...I dont know, but it can't hurt.
    HUG! Enjoy your weekend....ok, I already know you will cause most of it will be with ME!


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