Monday, October 20, 2014

The Fall Horse Show

Jakes participated in the Fall Horse show this past weekend. And he has improved SO much since the last one.  He's sitting straighter, heels are down even farther each time, and he's asking questions to make sure he understands everything.  I am so proud of him!

The day is started with a prayer for safe rides for everyone.

Miss Nicole is giving final instructions to Freckles.
"Give her the ride of her life!"
Miss Kathy also instructed Freckles on how to behave.
Jakes rode MilkShake.  This is him in two-point position.
The judge said he was in perfect position!
Sitting trot over the bar.

And of course, all his ribbons.  Great Job Jakes!

The day ended with a competition without the horses but that the kids love just as much.  Its called "Down and Out".  They set up a a jump, very low to start, then after everyone clears the bar, they raise it one level.  This continues until everyone has jumped or missed.  The last one standing wins the money.

Check out the height my kid gets over the bar!
Oops!  I missed!

All in all it was a fun day.  Jakes and I got to hang out with friends and horses.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

I Love My Bed

I love my bed.  My bed sits up high, so high I need a stool to get into it.  I have lots of fluffy and soft pillows. In the winter there are blankets and comforters galore!  I snuggle up with my pillows and my pets and my eReader and all is right with the world.  Usually.

I sleep all spread out, from corner to corner.  Its been a long time since I've shared my bed with someone other than the 4 legged animals.  Even when I was married, he was on nights so I've had lots of time to hog the bed.

One thing I've never missed in my bed is another person to share it with.  I love being able to sleep corner to corner if I wanted.  BUT, the other night I found myself wishing there was someone to hold me, to remind me that everything would be ok, that I am strong enough to do this, that I was not alone in this.

Ultimately, I know that I am not alone.  I have wonderful family and friends and my posse'.  But at 2 am, its sometimes hard to remember the wonderfulness I have surrounding me.

But at 2 am, I have my bed.  My wonderful, high, full of pillows and comforters bed.

I love my bed.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The Clean Up

And so it begins:  The Clean Up.  When someone dies, you have to clean out all their possessions. You have to decide what to keep, what to sell and what to give away.  And its always a mess.

Some times you will have relatives who are fighting over things.  That happened with my grandmother.  When we cleaned out after Mom died, I got first pick and then everyone else got to fight over it.  But most of her stuff went to good will.

ESM has already started cleaning up a lot of dad's stuff.  He was kinda a hoarder.  He had a lot of junk! Their living room was all his stuff.  And whenever ESM would bring something home to put in the living room, he'd snort and make fun of it.

ESM is also making plans to sell Dad's truck and the RV.  I'm going to miss the RV.  We had a lot of fun on the trips we would take. Some day I will have one of my own!

This weekend we will be cleaning out the truck and the RV, deciding what to keep, what to sell, and what to give away.  Its going to be a long weekend, full of dust and memories and tears.

I don't know that I'm ready to face the clean up.  There won't be any family drama as its just me and ESM (Jakes might help if he comes this weekend).  But I don't know that I am ready to face the memories, the decisions, and the tears.

I completely understand WHY we have to get this done as quickly as possible.  ESM has to get her budget figured out.  She also is the one that also has to sit in the house and stare at his stuff and be reminded of the loss of her husband. I can go home and put all that out of my mind.

So I will suck it up and help ESM get her life organized as much as possible this weekend.  Bring on the tissues and Benadryl!

Monday, October 6, 2014

Tuesday Tribute - The Posse'

Everyone should have a Posse' when they are going through the good,bad and ugly in their lives.  I am so grateful to MY posse' this past year.  Lemme give the low-down on my posse' members.  They've been there for me, each in their own way.

At the top of the list is Neicy.  She has listened to me day in and day out about everything.  From the diagnosis to me whining about being tired and weak.  She yelled at me for thinking I was selfish in wanting Dad's suffering to stop.  Neicy was the one I told my co-workers to call if I ever hid under my desk.  I knew she would be able to talk me out. She promised to be there (with wine if necessary) whenever I needed and she was.  I'm sure if I'd have called her at 3 am after Dad was gone, she'd have been over to the house to hold me while I cried.  I love her for being there, for being my shoulder, my conscience, my strength.  So glad you're in my life!  I love you Neicy!

Next is Suzanne.  Suzanne is newer to the scene but we clicked right away.  Suzanne and I grew close at the Farm. Both our kids ride there and we found out how close we lived to each other.  So easy for me to drop by her house for some girl talk and comfort.  She also promised to be there to drag me out of my bed (with chocolate vodka) if necessary.  But I love Suzanne because she walked away from me one day.  It was the Tuesday that the nurses told me that Dad needed hospice.  It was a hellava day for me and by the time I ran into Suzanne in Walmart, I was a zombie.  She took one look at me and asked what was wrong but I couldn't answer her because I was holding things together by a very, very thin thread.  She said "do you want me to walk away and pretend I never saw you?"  I nodded and she did.  I love her for understanding where I was and she probably knew what had happened that day.  When I pulled myself together I messaged her what was going on.  She has checked on me everyday since then. Thank you for being my friend!  Love ya!

Janet is the saint who helped to move me into my new place.  She and her hubby took an entire Saturday at Christmastime to move me.  And Janet has been there for me since the diagnosis.  She checks on me, invites me out of the house, even if its just over her house for girl talk.  I know she wanted to be there more for me but I chose Neicy for the brunt of my complaining.  I knew Janet was waiting in the wings if I needed anything.  Just knowing she was there for me was comforting. Janet, you are amazing!  love ya!

Kimber and I grew up together. Dad was another father to her.  I do believe she was grounded by my parents at one point.  She wasn't there in person for me much but only because of the physical distance between us.  Kimber's house was my "run-to" place when I couldn't stand anymore.  I've made several "flights" to her house for weekends and I love the sanctuary, even with 4 dogs and a hateful cat!  Kimber is my sister of heart and I know she was hurting and is missing Dad just as much as I am.  Love you like a Sister!

Denise (yes another Denise, I collect them!) She chased after me on Facebook and text messaging, keeping track of my posts and blogs about Dad; sending prayers and messages of encouragement.  She has also been checking in with me since the funeral.  I have appreciated her love and support so much.  Thank you Denise!  Love you!

Iris and I became friends right about the same time as the diagnosis.  She and I work together and she's the type of person who you can't resist.  When I would be processing Dad things, she would leave me alone only for so long.  Then she would pull me out of it and make me work on my coping skills.  See, Iris is a counselor along with being my friend but she's more friend than my counselor.  She took time out of her busy Saturday to come to the funeral to be there for me if I needed her.  And I did.  Iris just seemed to know what I needed, when I needed it. She transferred to another office and I miss talking with her daily.  Iris, thank you for being everything I needed, when I needed it.  Love you, girl!

Seeing my Posse' sitting in the audience while I gave Dad's eulogy encouraged me to be strong and finish what I started.  Thank you Ladies for being there for me through the hardest part of my life.  I love you all and will be there for you when you need me!