Tuesday Tribute - The Posse'

Everyone should have a Posse' when they are going through the good,bad and ugly in their lives.  I am so grateful to MY posse' this past year.  Lemme give the low-down on my posse' members.  They've been there for me, each in their own way.

At the top of the list is Neicy.  She has listened to me day in and day out about everything.  From the diagnosis to me whining about being tired and weak.  She yelled at me for thinking I was selfish in wanting Dad's suffering to stop.  Neicy was the one I told my co-workers to call if I ever hid under my desk.  I knew she would be able to talk me out. She promised to be there (with wine if necessary) whenever I needed and she was.  I'm sure if I'd have called her at 3 am after Dad was gone, she'd have been over to the house to hold me while I cried.  I love her for being there, for being my shoulder, my conscience, my strength.  So glad you're in my life!  I love you Neicy!

Next is Suzanne.  Suzanne is newer to the scene but we clicked right away.  Suzanne and I grew close at the Farm. Both our kids ride there and we found out how close we lived to each other.  So easy for me to drop by her house for some girl talk and comfort.  She also promised to be there to drag me out of my bed (with chocolate vodka) if necessary.  But I love Suzanne because she walked away from me one day.  It was the Tuesday that the nurses told me that Dad needed hospice.  It was a hellava day for me and by the time I ran into Suzanne in Walmart, I was a zombie.  She took one look at me and asked what was wrong but I couldn't answer her because I was holding things together by a very, very thin thread.  She said "do you want me to walk away and pretend I never saw you?"  I nodded and she did.  I love her for understanding where I was and she probably knew what had happened that day.  When I pulled myself together I messaged her what was going on.  She has checked on me everyday since then. Thank you for being my friend!  Love ya!

Janet is the saint who helped to move me into my new place.  She and her hubby took an entire Saturday at Christmastime to move me.  And Janet has been there for me since the diagnosis.  She checks on me, invites me out of the house, even if its just over her house for girl talk.  I know she wanted to be there more for me but I chose Neicy for the brunt of my complaining.  I knew Janet was waiting in the wings if I needed anything.  Just knowing she was there for me was comforting. Janet, you are amazing!  love ya!

Kimber and I grew up together. Dad was another father to her.  I do believe she was grounded by my parents at one point.  She wasn't there in person for me much but only because of the physical distance between us.  Kimber's house was my "run-to" place when I couldn't stand anymore.  I've made several "flights" to her house for weekends and I love the sanctuary, even with 4 dogs and a hateful cat!  Kimber is my sister of heart and I know she was hurting and is missing Dad just as much as I am.  Love you like a Sister!

Denise (yes another Denise, I collect them!) She chased after me on Facebook and text messaging, keeping track of my posts and blogs about Dad; sending prayers and messages of encouragement.  She has also been checking in with me since the funeral.  I have appreciated her love and support so much.  Thank you Denise!  Love you!

Iris and I became friends right about the same time as the diagnosis.  She and I work together and she's the type of person who you can't resist.  When I would be processing Dad things, she would leave me alone only for so long.  Then she would pull me out of it and make me work on my coping skills.  See, Iris is a counselor along with being my friend but she's more friend than my counselor.  She took time out of her busy Saturday to come to the funeral to be there for me if I needed her.  And I did.  Iris just seemed to know what I needed, when I needed it. She transferred to another office and I miss talking with her daily.  Iris, thank you for being everything I needed, when I needed it.  Love you, girl!

Seeing my Posse' sitting in the audience while I gave Dad's eulogy encouraged me to be strong and finish what I started.  Thank you Ladies for being there for me through the hardest part of my life.  I love you all and will be there for you when you need me!

Tuesday Tidbits

 Ok.  To bring my bloggy friends up to date on things in my life.  The biggest thing that happened was that my dad passed away.  I am relieved.  His life was such a struggle just to walk to the bathroom and that was not my Daddy.  He was always a strong, energetic man.  I am relieved that he is a peace.  I can imagine him strong and whole and happy.

He put up such a fight to try and beat this latest round of cancer.  I am proud of his will to fight it.  

I have a wonderful group of friends.  Some of them are all friends together and some are separate.  Having all of them together at the memorial service was wonderful.  My "posse" was there keeping an eye on me for what ever I might need.  Neicy had my back if I wasn't able to speak during the eulogy.  I am glad that I didn't need her.  With being able to give the eulogy, I was able to say good-bye to my Daddy.

Work is about to explode with many, many applications due before the end of October.  On my desk right now are 12.  I also just sent an email requesting the paperwork for another THREE.  That makes a total of 15 by the end of the month.  Its either feast or famine in my line of work.  But at least I have stuff to do, which makes the day go fast.

I watched Jakes at his last riding lesson and he has made such improvement since I saw him!  He's riding on Brutus, who is a Thoroughbred.  His posture is almost perfect on this horse.  Now if we can get him comfortable enough to canter and then gallop, he will be making great progress.  There is a horse show in October and Jakes wants to compete.  I'm gonna let him!  The last one helped to build his confidence and self-esteem.

Now that a majority of my stress has been reduced, its time to get serious about loosing some weight.  I haven't worried about it recently cause, well, cause there were bigger things that needed my attention.  So.  Time to start watching what I eat and getting some exercise.  If anyone has an exercise plan they love and want to share, let me know!  If you have awesome music to dance to, share that too.

Its time to live for ME!

Friends Who Are Nominated for SaintHood

I've been friends with Janet and Phil since High School, when they were together in high school and I have been friends with them separately as well.  Janet did my hair for my wedding.  Phil was good friends with my ex.  There was a time when I lost contact with both of them, but as with true friends, when you come back together its like you've never been apart.

Phil and Janet

Janet and I have gotten closer since I've moved to the same town where she's lived.  We've made yummy chocolate and caramel snacks together, tried new cider vodka drinks, and of course went shopping together at Christmas time.  She and Phil have jet ski's that we've taken out on the river this summer.  

When it came time for me to move to a second floor apartment, I knew I would need strong helpers. Janet's son is 23 and has lots of strong friends.  Janet volunteered Jason to help me.  Don't ya love how that happens?

Janet and Phil also have a truck, trailer and van!  Janet volunteered to bring the truck, trailer and van to help along with my Daddy's truck and trailer.  Janet also volunteered Phil's help.  giggle.

Phil and Me on New Years Eve

On Saturday, we all showed up at the house to start loading my stuff.  The original plan was to get most of the stuff and leave the heavy lifting for Jason and his friends on Sunday.  But since the weather was looking like crap (up to an inch of rain), Phil decided to see how much we could get done on Saturday.

Phil and Jakes teamed up for the heavier lifting and moving of furniture while Janet and I focused on boxes and packing anything that was left.  By 1:30, we had the house emptied and all the vehicles full.  Anything that didn't fit in the vehicles this trip was left on the back deck at the house until we could empty the vehicles and come back.

After lunch, we headed back to the house for the final stuff.  Jakes and Phil muscled my fridge up the steps, along with everything else.  They really made a good team, Jakes and Phil.

Janet and me New Years Eve

When we finished unloading the second time, Jakes had to go home so Phil and Janet helped me to set up Jakes bed and put the doors on the fridge.  They finally left around 6:30 to head home.  

It was a long day and I love them for all their help!  They did so much more than I expected.  I hereby nominate them for SaintHood for going above and beyond the call of duty!

I love you guys and ANYTIME you need ANYTHING, I'm there!

Tidbits

Dad starts Chemo tomorrow.  ESM is going with him and they are expecting to be there until early afternoon.  UGH.  Makes for a long boring day.  Dad will come home with a pump for two days and then go back to have it removed on Thursday.

I will be stopping over to walk their dog at lunchtime. Oscar is a sweetheart!  He just spent the weekend with us as Dad and ESM were taking one last long weekend trip for the end of summer.

The 4-legged boys relaxing in the sunshine

Jakes and I didn't have a very good weekend.  I picked him up at 5:30 pm Friday and he was back home by 9:30 am Saturday.  I will not be disrespected and threatened to the extent that he did in my own home.  I don't know that he learned a lesson but he's sent me a text today to apologize and ask my forgiveness.  Jakes and I will be having a talk before he comes back to my house for a visit.

Huny and I had a pretty good evening this weekend.  We went to a backyard wedding reception that ended with beers, wines, and a bonfire!  Lots of silliness, adult time and relaxation was had by all!  I met some of Huny's old friends and got to hear some "stories" of the old days.  They are good people who we need to hang out with more often.

A fabulous way to relax with friends

That's my weekend.  How was yours?

Finding the Balance

This weeks theme over at Theme Thursday is Balance.  It got me to thinking about how I "balance" my friendships.  I have wonderful friends, lots of them!  But there are times when I wonder if there are some friends that I use when life is hard and others that are only for the good times.

My definition of friendship is being there through thick and thin, good times and bad.  I will admit that I have good friends and then I also have true friends.  The difference you ask....  (IMO) A good friend will be there for you to call for bail money.  A true friend will be there in the jail cell saying, "lets do that again!"  I can happily say that I think I would have trouble finding someone to call for the bail money cause everyone would be in the cell with me!

I know that dealing with Jakes and making the decision about where he would live was a very bad time for me and I love that my friends rallied around and supported me through all.  I know that I was a very Negative Nelly and couldn't have been much fun to listen to.

Now that Jakes is happier and life is looking better, I WILL remember to share my happy days as well as be there for my friends through their good and bad times. I want to find that balance between needy negative nelly and a true friend.

Defining Paradise

There is a paradise out there for me.  It might even be here in my little hometown.  I most certainly will not be making hasty decisions to move and loose the wonderful connections to parents, friends, family and other supports I have in place for Jakes and myself.  My paradise series here will be an exploration of my resentments, finding my happiness and hopefully deciding what is missing in my life.

I realize that I am harboring resentments, many resentments toward things in my life that I cannot change.  I just need to figure a way around or through those resentments, figure out what is keeping me from what I consider "my true happiness" and how I can make that happiness happen for me. 

I seem to think better in words.  They are concrete and changeable.  I can put my disjointed thoughts down here and come back later to organize them.  If I leave them in my head, they continue to be jumbled and disjointed.  I just don't seem to be able to organize them in there.  Its a mess in my head!

I know that I have a good life in my little hometown.  I have my own place on the river. Its usually a peaceful place, when you don't count Jakes outbursts and meltdowns.  I have parents and friends who help and support me with the trials and tribulations of being a single mom to my wonderful child.  There is an Autism Center in my little hometown, something that is very unusual for bigger cities, let alone my little place by the river.

My friends are there for me in the bad times, but we also are there for the good times.  I have friends that I can exercise with, go to dinner with, travel with, spa days with, or just hang out at their pools!  And even my friends who I don't "hang" with regularly are there with words of support and encouragement for me when I need it.  And I hope that I am able to be there for them in all the same ways.

I have a job.  Its not a job that is exciting or thrilling, in fact I am rather bored by it.  But in this economy, its a job with a paycheck and health benefits.  And that is very important.  I can provide everything Jakes and I need and even lots of extras, like a trip to Disney.

Spelled out like this, it sounds like a fabulous life, right?  Who can ask for more?  Family, friends, built in babysitters, fun, laughter, and so much more.  I have all this right HERE, RIGHT NOW.  It seems a little ungrateful of me to want more for myself.  But I do.

But this is where I will talk about my resentments and hopefully find solice from them.

The other thing I am looking for in my "paradise" could possibly be different climate.  That's why I would consider moving.  I am sick and tired of the winters here.  I don't like the humidityor the heat.  I would love to find a place to live that is low humidity and ranges from about 40-50 in the winter and up to 80 or 90 in the summers.  Someplace that doesn't get an abondance of rain and if there is any snow, it would melt the same day.

So while I am exploring my resentments, I will also be searching for a place with my criteria for weather conditions.  If you know of such a place on earth, let me know!

weekend wrap up

Its been a quiet weekend round here.  With the occasional giggle when I remember the court win.  Want some details?  Ok here they are.

1. Mothers request to reduce the child support GRANTED (the medical insurance premium actually went DOWN!)

2. Mothers request to medicate the child for ADHD GRANTED AS MODIFIED. I don't need the fathers consent to medicate Son for ADHD.  The judge said in his notes "It is clear from the Mother's certification that she has been concerned about Childs behavior for a significant length of time.  The Father only has Child two weekends a month and therefore the Mother is able to observe Child's behaviors on a more regular basis.

3. Mothers request to reimburse medical expenses is GRANTED.  He has 15 days to pay me what he owes for his portion of the co-pays.    Although he is court ordered to, I am not holding my breath.  He never pays unless I take him to court.  A$$hole.

4.  Mothers motion to have Father be responsible for court costs is DENIED.  oh well.  It was worth a shot.  This was the only thing I lost.  Tee he!

5. Father's motion  for an additional evaluation of Child is DENIED.  Tee he!  Of course, this would have made the 4th evaluation for ADHD that was done on Jakes.

6.  Fathers motion to have Child interviewed by the court is DENIED.  Duh.  They are lawyers, not doctors.

7.  Fathers motion to change transportation is DENIED.  And all because he wrote in his cross motion 2 sentences.  Had he argued his points in writing, the judge might have entertained changes.  In my response to his cross, I informed the judge that he moved over two years ago and never discussed changes and the judge tossed that in A/H's face!  So if A/H re-files on this, I don't think the judge will be inclined to make changes.  And I have lots of good arguments against changing things.

8.  Fathers motion to claim Child every third year for income tax purposes is DENIED.  Again, partially because A/H only wrote what he wanted with no details and mostly because its against the IRS rules and regulations.  The judge sited the IRS rules and if A/H re-files on this, I will also include that information in my cross.  Tee he!

9.  Fathers motion to change parenting time holidays and increase summer visitation time is DENIED.  I did consent to adding one week of vacation in the summer and for him to keep Jakes until 9:00 on Fridays and Sundays in the summer.

Ok, so only ONE of my requests was denied and I put that in there more or less to annoy A/H.  Had I been awarded the court fees, it would have been sprinkles on the icing on the cake.

ALL of A/H's requests were denied!  Tee he!  I WON, I WON!

Throughout the entire hearing, I think I only spoke 4 sentences.  The judge asked if I disagreed with anything and of course, I said Nope.  Perfect!  Well, I talked about agreeing to change the visitation.  It was funny to see the judge tell A/H that he's an idiot to oppose something that obviously his child needs to be healthy and successful in life.  The judge also told him that he needs to figure out how to follow the rules for filing the motion.  tee he!  I had to bite my tongue so I didn't giggle right there in court.

So Friday, Jakes had dinner with his dad, Neicy and I went furniture shopping (her, not me!) and then I came home and celebrated with Skittles Vodka!

Saturday, I did laundry, a quick clean on the house, yelled at the kid to get homework done and celebrated with Cherry Jolly Rancher Vodka while texting with my friend, HS in AZ.  He's going through a rough time.  I hope things start looking up for him soon!  He's a good guy and deserves a break.

Sunday, we kicked back and I yelled at Son to get more homework done.  There is more yelling and nagging going on again, we have an appointment with the Dr to see about changing up the medication.  While, its nothing like it was before Christmas, its still not productive for us.

I texted with HS again until he had to leave for errands.  He was bragging about the weather out there.  He was in shorts with the door open.  I'm here with layers and blankets and waiting for an ice storm.  sigh.

Monday, I spent with a book in my hand for the most part.   I haven't been this relaxed in a LONG time.

I have cooked dinner four nights in a row!  Two of them for the Compound.  Its great to get together with them for dinner.  Three generations of family at one table, nice.  I try to cook for them on Sundays because there are usually several nights during the week that we go out to dinner with them and as the "kid" I have to fight for the bill!  lol

Well, I'm going to go nag the kid to clean his room and make the rounds of your blogs!  Sorry I have been absent lately but I have been a little stressed.  There were days that I would head over, read your stuff and just couldn't come up with a comment.  I drew a blank.

Thank you to each and everyone who gave me positive words and out good thoughts and prayers out for me!  It paid off!