I Have ADD - Tuesday Ramblings

This is going to a short and sweet entry.  I have not been able to concentrate on anything for long periods of time.  I even downloaded a Clive Cussler book from the library that is not keeping my attention.  Couldn't be because of all I have on my mind, could it?

Dad got good news, health wise.  He had a colonoscopy where they removed 8 polyps. None of which were cancerous!  Wonderful news!  ESM had a colonoscopy as well and only had one polyp.  She's still waiting for the pathology to come back.  I get to go for a colonoscopy in December.  sigh........

I went to my Mom's best friends home for a visit over the weekend.  When Mom was dying she said that Judy was to take over being Jakes grandmom.  And she has!  She has also taken over being Mom to me.  I got lots of comfort from Judy this past weekend.  She and I can share memories and stories of Mom and I like that.  I needed Mom this past week.

Jakes went to his other grandparents, Mam and Pop-pop's on Friday and his father picked him up from there on Saturday.  Fortunately, his father was willing to help me out by separating Jakes and I this weekend.  Even if he wasn't, I was going to call Mam and Pop-pop to take Jakes.

On Monday morning, I called the In-home therapy people to get set up for a needs assessment.  Hopefully, we'll qualify for Youth Case Management, which will open lots of doors for services and supports for us.

This doesn't mean that I have changed my mind about Jakes living with his father.  This is so that hopefully Jakes and I can get along until his father has moved and made the changes necessary to take him.  Also, if things don't work out at his fathers, we will have the needs assessment completed and can pick up from there.

It seems that Jakes and his father have their own agenda for this situation.  It seems that JF thinks that I'll settle down and change my mind.  AND he's said so to Jakes.  That's why Jakes doesn't think he's moving.  Guess its time to step up my nagging of JF, ask where he is on moving and such.  And share the info about the boarding school.

Right now, all I want is to get Jakes sent to his fathers and for me to run away to AZ, permanently.  Of course, there are many complications in that scenario as well.  sigh.

Above all else, I want to find happiness in my life.  I can't remember when I felt happiness.  When do I get my turn?  Why does it seem that my idea of happiness for myself has to be without Jakes?  Questions to ponder.

Looking for Paradise

I have lived in almost the same place all my life.  Its a small town, with limited opportunities for work, social life and recreation.  I am fortunate that the autism center is here.  Son goes to the same elementary school I graduated from and even has some of the same teachers I did.  In a way, I love that.  In another way, it reminds me how little I've moved in my life.

I have always lived within a 5 mile radius of my parents, right now I live in the same apartment building as them.  After my divorce, I sold the house and moved closer to my parents.  At that time, I needed the closeness and comfort of my parents to heal and find myself again.  With all that's been going on with Jakes, I've been relying on them for support, comfort and babysitting.  I am very grateful for my family.  They have been my salvation through the trials of the past few years.

I have been asking myself lately if I am truly happy with how my life has played out, with the choices I made.  Are my troubles with Jakes in part because I haven't truly moved on with my life?

I was hurt terribly by my ex's betrayal and the end of my marriage.  I have been so scared to move on romantically with anyone.  Oh, there have been a couple of guys that I was seeing but it was only for fun, definitely not anyone I'd dream of spending my life with.

With Jakes diabilities (AS and ADHD), I kinda figured what man would want to be in the middle of this turmoil.  It just didn't feel right to think about bringing someone into all of it.  I didn't feel like I had the time to devote to someone other than Jakes and all the therapies he needs.  Plus, now that Jakes has had me to himself for all these years, he's not going to easily accept someone in my life.

When Dad was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, I decided that I wasn't going to even consider moving or changing my life while he was still here.  He and Jakes have a special bond and I didn't want to hurt Dad by taking Jakes away from him.  But now, Dad is stabilized on his medications and doing pretty well.  My grandmother lived with CHF for over 15 years before she passed from another ailment.  With proper medical care, Dad could live at least as long.

I have a lot of resentment inside of me, resentment toward Jakes, resentment toward my ex for being able to walk away and move on, resentment toward my parents for their happiness, toward my step-brothers and step sister.  For a long time, I have done for everyone else, to make everyone else happy. 

I am the only child who is close to the parents.  My brother doesn't have anything to do with Dad and Renie, no one knows why.  My step-sister lives in another state, but close enough that she could still keep in touch, and my other step-brothers live in other states and keep in contact as best they can.  I am still living close to the parents, still there for them when they are sick or just feeling old, still there with a grandchild that they can be close with.

My siblings are off living their own lives and I am stuck where I am.  Is this the life I really want to live?  Is this the life that is really going to make me the happiest?

My trip to AZ opened my eyes to a lot of things.  I am questioning a lot of my choices.  I am questioning if I am meant to stay here in my little hometown or if there is a different paradise out there somewhere.  Then I question if I am brave enough to seek it out.

Riding Lessons Part 2

Jakes has been counting the days until we could go back for his next Riding Lesson.  I can get him to do almost anything with the threat that he might not be allowed to go riding next week!  Not that I would do that to him, well.....   maybe. 

When we arrived, Ms. J asked Jakes what he remembered from last week and he rattled off several things.  She was thrilled!  She also commented that his posture was much improved and was pleased with his efforts.  So the lesson started out on a very good note.

Jakes went into the ring to get acquainted with his horse and for the life of me, I can't remember the name of the horse!  Anyway, Jakes started with brushing the horse and checking his feet to make sure they were clean.  He did such a great job!  And he loved being brushed with the horse brush himself! 



Brushing the horse





Checking his feet



Using his muscles to put the saddle on.
Gentle!




After putting the Bit in and climbing the steps, Jakes is up
And so happy!



learning the commands and walking around the ring



They wandered out of the ring and followed the driveway.
Jakes liked the sound of the horse's hooves on the driveway.



After removing the saddle and sharing treats,
a hot and sweaty Jakes gets to
lead the horse back to his field

Ms. J. is very impressed with Jakes focus when he's with the horses or just listening to her.  She says he has a sense of the horse and what to do with them.  Once he learns basics, he will be a fabulous horseman.

While Jakes was working with the horse, I texted his father to ask he if would take Jakes to the riding lesson next week when Jakes is with him.  He agreed!  I'm scared!  And Jakes is so excited to be able to ride again next week and to have his father watch him.

Jakes good behavior carried over into home life. We stopped for dinner and we were able to be a little silly with each other without Jakes getting over the top.  Once at home, he listened to instructions and did his chores without too much argument and he even left me alone so that I could sit with the family and watch the beautiful sunset!  See....  so many positive things from this!

Fun Facts

I guess there is always something to learn, each and every day.  Yesterday, I learned several new facts about Aspergers Syndrome.  Yesterday, we went to the neurologist to follow up on Jakes seizure back in March.  Yes, I know from March but this was the first available appointment I could get.

Jakes is with his father for vacation week and when his father chose this week, I reminded him of this Drs appointment, how long it took to get it, and suggested ways to work together to ensure Jakes still attended this appointment.  Turns out that Jakes is staying with his other grandparents this week while his father works so it was very convenient for me to pick Jakes up and take him to the appointment.

The Dr asked lots of questions, most Jakes or myself had the answers to, others that neither of us had answers to because his father never got back to me with the answers. When she finished her questionnaire, she shared her thoughts.  She does believe that Jakes as Aspergers with ADHD combined (Dr #3).  She does not think that the Concerta he was on caused the seizure.  She thinks the Aspergers did.  She said that Aspergers kids have a 50% higher chance of having a seizure or seizure disorder than a non-AS kid. 

That was a fact I did not know!

She wants Jakes to have a sleeping or 24-hour EEG as well as an MRI just to make sure things are ok in his head.  I have to get those things scheduled.  If those tests are normal, we do not have to follow up with her.  If Jakes has another seizure within 18 months of the first one, we might have to consider medication.

I think the tests will be normal and he won't be having another seizure.  Fingers crossed!

I think the best news that came from this meeting is that she agrees with his diagnosis and she agrees with the therapy plans I have in place.  She said I am doing a great job getting him the services he needs.

Also in the good news category, my wonderful blogger friend, The Blogging Mama received wonderful news that her son is NOT on the spectrum.  She spent two years thinking he is Aspergers and waiting for the evaluation through her local Childrens' Hospital.  Wonderful news, Mama!  Go over and tell her Congrats!

The Story

Jakes and I have been operating in crisis mode for a while now. Things really blew up a week or so ago but in a way it was a good thing. Because now we as getting all kinds of help. Help I have been begging for.

I was recommended to enroll in a program called Mobile Response. They are a crisis intervention service. I can call them 24/7 to get help and they will send someone out to the house to de-escalate things if necessary. By being enrolled with them, they will also send someone out to the house to do a needs assessment for us. The therapist would then recommend and case manage us until we got into the services.

I called Mobile Response last Sunday morning because Jakes was melting down and saying threatening things to me. Mel came out to the house and did a little needs assessment as well as talking to Jakes and myself to make sure everyone was calm.

On Tuesday, Mel called to say that she was recommending an 8 week family stabilization program. A therapist will come to the house and work to stabilize us once a week for 8 weeks. It's hopeful that after that, we will be stable enough to enter traditional therapy and/or parenting classes.

On Thursday, the therapist contacted me to schedule our intake appointment for tomorrow.  When they say they are going to offer services, they don't mess around with getting them started!

On Friday, I met with the Mobile Response team for what they call a Family Planning meeting. This is a pre-planning meeting where we decide who to invite to the actual meeting. At the meeting we will review everything that has been going on with us and try to come up with a plan to meet all our needs.

Last week, I sat in Val's office, sobbing my heart out over all this.  I came out of Val's office with things to do for me.  I was to contact me Dr to see about going on anti-depression meds, which I did.  I just started them but I am feeling better already.  I also feel like I have more patience with Jakes.  We also realized that I have a lot of resentment to deal with.  Resentment towards Jakes and his disabilities, towards A/H for having the ability to walk away from being a parent, and oh so much more!

Once the in-home services are in place, I will continue seeing Val on  my own to work on ME.

Another thing I did with Jakes is I took him off the Concerta, which is a stimulant medication.  He is still on Intuniv and seems to be able to function on that alone.  Once he was off the Concerta, a lot (not all!) of his hostility and anger has disappeared.  I am hoping we can work on that more in the therapies we will be having.

So that's my story.  Its been a rough couple of weeks and I am hoping that this was rock bottom and we can only go up from here.

weekend wrap up

Its been a quiet weekend round here.  With the occasional giggle when I remember the court win.  Want some details?  Ok here they are.

1. Mothers request to reduce the child support GRANTED (the medical insurance premium actually went DOWN!)

2. Mothers request to medicate the child for ADHD GRANTED AS MODIFIED. I don't need the fathers consent to medicate Son for ADHD.  The judge said in his notes "It is clear from the Mother's certification that she has been concerned about Childs behavior for a significant length of time.  The Father only has Child two weekends a month and therefore the Mother is able to observe Child's behaviors on a more regular basis.

3. Mothers request to reimburse medical expenses is GRANTED.  He has 15 days to pay me what he owes for his portion of the co-pays.    Although he is court ordered to, I am not holding my breath.  He never pays unless I take him to court.  A$$hole.

4.  Mothers motion to have Father be responsible for court costs is DENIED.  oh well.  It was worth a shot.  This was the only thing I lost.  Tee he!

5. Father's motion  for an additional evaluation of Child is DENIED.  Tee he!  Of course, this would have made the 4th evaluation for ADHD that was done on Jakes.

6.  Fathers motion to have Child interviewed by the court is DENIED.  Duh.  They are lawyers, not doctors.

7.  Fathers motion to change transportation is DENIED.  And all because he wrote in his cross motion 2 sentences.  Had he argued his points in writing, the judge might have entertained changes.  In my response to his cross, I informed the judge that he moved over two years ago and never discussed changes and the judge tossed that in A/H's face!  So if A/H re-files on this, I don't think the judge will be inclined to make changes.  And I have lots of good arguments against changing things.

8.  Fathers motion to claim Child every third year for income tax purposes is DENIED.  Again, partially because A/H only wrote what he wanted with no details and mostly because its against the IRS rules and regulations.  The judge sited the IRS rules and if A/H re-files on this, I will also include that information in my cross.  Tee he!

9.  Fathers motion to change parenting time holidays and increase summer visitation time is DENIED.  I did consent to adding one week of vacation in the summer and for him to keep Jakes until 9:00 on Fridays and Sundays in the summer.

Ok, so only ONE of my requests was denied and I put that in there more or less to annoy A/H.  Had I been awarded the court fees, it would have been sprinkles on the icing on the cake.

ALL of A/H's requests were denied!  Tee he!  I WON, I WON!

Throughout the entire hearing, I think I only spoke 4 sentences.  The judge asked if I disagreed with anything and of course, I said Nope.  Perfect!  Well, I talked about agreeing to change the visitation.  It was funny to see the judge tell A/H that he's an idiot to oppose something that obviously his child needs to be healthy and successful in life.  The judge also told him that he needs to figure out how to follow the rules for filing the motion.  tee he!  I had to bite my tongue so I didn't giggle right there in court.

So Friday, Jakes had dinner with his dad, Neicy and I went furniture shopping (her, not me!) and then I came home and celebrated with Skittles Vodka!

Saturday, I did laundry, a quick clean on the house, yelled at the kid to get homework done and celebrated with Cherry Jolly Rancher Vodka while texting with my friend, HS in AZ.  He's going through a rough time.  I hope things start looking up for him soon!  He's a good guy and deserves a break.

Sunday, we kicked back and I yelled at Son to get more homework done.  There is more yelling and nagging going on again, we have an appointment with the Dr to see about changing up the medication.  While, its nothing like it was before Christmas, its still not productive for us.

I texted with HS again until he had to leave for errands.  He was bragging about the weather out there.  He was in shorts with the door open.  I'm here with layers and blankets and waiting for an ice storm.  sigh.

Monday, I spent with a book in my hand for the most part.   I haven't been this relaxed in a LONG time.

I have cooked dinner four nights in a row!  Two of them for the Compound.  Its great to get together with them for dinner.  Three generations of family at one table, nice.  I try to cook for them on Sundays because there are usually several nights during the week that we go out to dinner with them and as the "kid" I have to fight for the bill!  lol

Well, I'm going to go nag the kid to clean his room and make the rounds of your blogs!  Sorry I have been absent lately but I have been a little stressed.  There were days that I would head over, read your stuff and just couldn't come up with a comment.  I drew a blank.

Thank you to each and everyone who gave me positive words and out good thoughts and prayers out for me!  It paid off!