Playing Catch Up...sigh

Yes, I've been missing in the Blog World. I would love to say I've been living my life.  And that would be partially true.  The other part of that is that I've been avoiding things.  Lots of things.  sigh.  And I'm not saying I'm ready to face all of those things but I think I will have a better chance of facing them if I talk about them.  And here is where I talk about them, with honesty.

To bring you up to date:  Jakes and I made up.  Just in time for him to go back to the farm this spring.  For a while, things were good between us.  I limited the time we spent together, only one overnight every other weekend. And some Friday evening dinners.  But then school got out and he wanted to spend more time with me, he's not very happy at his fathers and I am a push over to take him to the farm. sigh.... but more time led to us falling back into our old routine of annoyance and disrespect.  He's been here for a week now, with many blow-ups and arguments.  He also thinks he's coming back next Friday for another week.  And right now, I am not willing to have him.

But as his mother, I'm SUPPOSED to want him around right?  And those feelings have created a lot of guilt and conflict within me.  I have to get over what I think is expected of a mother and accept what I can actually DO in this life with THIS child of mine.  I have to reconcile my heart and my head that I may not be able to be the mother I think is expected of me in this day and age. I  think I spend a lot of time comparing my mothering skills to those of my mother.  She was raising children in a different age and I can't ask her if what I'm feeling is "normal".  See..... I have a lot to reconcile in my heart and my head.  More on this later.

Work is work. Summer is the slow season for me but at the years end, I will be getting busier.  I've also contemplated looking around to change jobs.  Maybe I need something that will engage my mind more.  But then I think about all the vacation days (20 per year plus sick time) and the flexible schedule I have and I chicken out.  The pay is good and its close to home.  sigh.....

I am going to start a part-time job in September.  Nothing that will add stress to my life, weekends only. In a decorating warehouse that's open to the public. I will be a cashier/stock person.

So I have some things on the horizon to look forward to. And some things to work through.  So I'm back to continue with my therapy. I hope you'll join me on my adventures1

Honesty About Jakes

I haven't seen Jakes since the middle of October.  And I don't miss him.  We had a huge fight.  I mean huge, with police called and threats of charges from both sides.  

Huge fight.  Nasty fight.  I haven't seen or heard from him since.  And I don't miss him.

To be honest, and that's what I'm supposed to be doing here, I have been dreading seeing him for a long, long time.  I didn't want to go and get him for the weekends.  I didn't want to have to argue with him over everything.  I was sick of being talked down to by him. I was sick of bowing down to his wishes for everything.

I continued to get him on weekends cause that is what a mother is supposed to do.  I continued to see him cause his is my son.  

His behavior and disrespect immediately prior to the fight was the last straw for me.  So I've decided that I do not have to be treated like that, even by my son.  I refuse to be treated like that by my son.   Even if he is my son.

So I've said a metaphorical good-bye to him and am trying to enjoy my life.  

The Fall Horse Show

Jakes participated in the Fall Horse show this past weekend. And he has improved SO much since the last one.  He's sitting straighter, heels are down even farther each time, and he's asking questions to make sure he understands everything.  I am so proud of him!

The day is started with a prayer for safe rides for everyone.

Miss Nicole is giving final instructions to Freckles.
"Give her the ride of her life!"

Miss Kathy also instructed Freckles on how to behave.

Jakes rode MilkShake.  This is him in two-point position.
The judge said he was in perfect position!

Sitting trot over the bar.

And of course, all his ribbons.  Great Job Jakes!

The day ended with a competition without the horses but that the kids love just as much.  Its called "Down and Out".  They set up a a jump, very low to start, then after everyone clears the bar, they raise it one level.  This continues until everyone has jumped or missed.  The last one standing wins the money.

Check out the height my kid gets over the bar!

Oops!  I missed!

All in all it was a fun day.  Jakes and I got to hang out with friends and horses.

Parasailing

Jakes and I got to go Parasailing. I loved it!  Jakes did it but was white knuckled the entire time we were up there.

This isn't us but it will be!

We're up there!

that's our boat WAY down there.....
and of course the shoreline in the distance

Splashdown.....  We got dunked twice because Jakes didn't get wet enough the first time

I would do it again!

Brace Face No Longer

Before Jakes moved in with his Father, Jakes had gotten braces put on.  His father took him ONCE in the last three years to get a problem taken care of.  He never followed up on the care required.  Jakes has been bugging him a lot to make an appointment to finish the treatment.  When I paid off the account, I messaged him that it was paid in full and to get Jakes to the Office to work on his teeth before they rotted out from having the braces on for so long.

He did NOTHING.  Even with Jakes bugging him and braces falling off.

So, I took matters into my own hands and took Jakes to get the braces off.  His teeth are in line basically.  There is still an overbite but its not going to hurt him.

Lookit this face!  What a gorgeous smile!!!

He doesn't like the flash which is why his eyes are closed.

The Love of Horses - WW

Jakes gettin' some love from Buttons

Jakes in the Lake

For the 4th of July we went camping with the GParents in the RV.  We went back to the same campground we always have gone to for 4th of July.  Its a nice, family-animal friendly place with fireworks and special events throughout the weekend.  It was very relaxing once everything was set up.

The RV on our site.

We were the first camper you saw when you entered the campground.  I didn't like this spot as much as others we had.  There was a lot of traffic and not as much shade in the afternoon.  I prefer to be further back under the trees a bit.

On Saturday there were fireworks.  Since we had the first spot, we were in the best spot to watch them.  It was a little chilly so Dad stayed in the RV with the dogs to watch them.

Oscar dressed up for the 4th.

Jaxon kept an eye on things from the front seat while Oscar hid under the covers

And Jakes dressed up for the evening too.

Jakes in the Lake

Jakes went to the lake first thing.

It was HOT on Thursday so once we were all set up, Jakes hit the lake.  I think I joined him, I spent many afternoons in the lake so they all run together.  The lake was like bath water, very warm!  But we had fun anyway!

here's the family.  Dad and ESM coming back from the store.
Jakes heading up the hill on his bike.

One of the best things about the campground is sending the kid off on the bike, knowing he will be safe.  The place is small enough that every 10 minutes or so, Jakes was zooming by our site on his way around the loop.

Jakes and G-pop setting up the tripod for cooking dinner

Jakes was a big help around the camp site.  He helped G-pop hook up the camper to electric, sewer and water.  Helped to level the camper and helped ESM and I put up the awning.  Then it was time to teach him how to be a chef over the campfire.

Laying the wood just right.

Checking to see if they are ready to be flipped.

All in all, it was a lovely, long weekend and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Tidbit Tuesday

Jakes and I had a great weekend.  Lots of fun stuff happened. Swimming, playing with friends, visiting with the Gparents and the dogs.

Jakes went for a job interview last week. Of course, just an entry level job at a local fast food place but HE decided to go there and get the application without letting anyone know he was going.  Good initiative!  He hasn't heard from the manager to know if he's been hired yet but I hope he gets it.  It might mean less time at my house but he's growing up and more independent.  He has to learn to fly.

Dad is doing everything he can to stay healthy enough to get chemo this week.  Fingers crossed that his blood work shows good results today!

We are going to start packing the RV for the 4th of July weekend.  Jakes is excited to help so we can go.  He loves the campground we are going to.  And there will be fireworks!

The garden is about to kick into high gear.  Tomatoes are changing colors, daily harvests of green beans and peas, zucchini's getting longer.  YUM!

There is nothing "new" in my life.  Just day by day.  Evenings are spent playing with the animals, making dinner, watering plants and reading on the deck until the mosquitoes chase me inside. 

I'm thinking I ready to plunge back into the dating world.  I have a friend who says I need to start my "stable".  :) but what to say on the profile?  "Single female seeks Cowboy?"  "Looking for someone to ride off into the sunset with." It'll come to me eventually, when the time is right.

That's about all that's going on in my life.  What's going on it yours?

Jakes on Shakes

Jakes had a wonderful lesson on Milkshake this past weekend!  doesn't he look AWESOME!!!!

Friday Fragments

Hi there.  Is there anyone still reading my blog?  I totally understand if you've moved on.  Hit and miss posts are frustrating.  For me just as they must be for you.

SOOOO.... onto some good news.  Dad's cancer is under control.  There was no new growth on the latest scans and they seem to have found a regime that will keep him healthy enough to get chemo at least every other week.  He has also gained some weight and is looking more like himself.  YAY!  We are all so happy!  Fingers crossed and prayers said that the next few months go just as well.

My garden is coming along nicely.  Lots of blooms and veggies are growing. Last night, I had the first pod of peas.  They were so yummy!  And there was only ONE pod.  Bummer!  But there will be more in a few days.  I can't wait!

Jakes last day of school is today.  I know he will have fun at the field day that is planned.  I also know that he's had a pretty good year so far.  I am proud of his grades and the progress he's made.  I can't believe that he will be a Sophomore in August!  When did my baby grow up?

So.  While I sit here thinking of things to write about, I realize I don't have anything new for myself to report.  Work is the same.  The animals are the same.  There is nothing new or different in my life. The things that make you go hmmmmmmmm......Maybe its time to change that... Got any suggestions?  cheap ones!

I'm coming back.  More later!  Thanks for your patience with me.

DC Trip

Jakes and I went to DC to see the Cherry Blossoms.  Unfortunately, we didn't get there in time.  Our schedule just didn't match up to get there.  BUT there is SO much good stuff to see in DC that it wasn't a wasted trip.

I had signed up with SpotHero and gotten $25 in parking credit.  The app is SO easy to use and they offer parking in so many cities around the country.  I plugged in DC and figured out where in the city we wanted to be (close to the National Mall, of course) and chose the best parking garage for us.  On the day of the trip, we plugged the address of the garage into the GPS and hit the road.

We got to DC, grabbed the cameras and started walking. First thing on the agenda was a river cruise that I got at a discount through Amazon Local.  Its like Groupon or LivingSocial, good deals sometimes.

Our Boat

Seeing DC from the river side gave us a different view of the city.

Kennedy Center

And since we missed the Cherry Blossoms, Jakes decided we should check out a couple of the museums.

We ended up at the Air and Space Museum.

We spent the afternoon wandering around taking pictures.  Jakes was in heaven.  He loves science stuff and he was reading the placards and studying everything.

Moon Lander

My Professional Photographer

We only had time for one museum and there are so many others to see. We'll be back!
I love spending time in DC.

Back to the Farm

Its been a cold and snowy winter here.  We haven't been able to go to the farm in AGES.  Every weekend, Jakes has asked if we can go.  Every week, Ms. Jill posts on Wednesday that she hopes to have lessons on Saturday.  But then Saturday rolls up and there's no lessons.  UGH.

Finally, this past Saturday I got a text from Ms. Jill saying COME OVER!  It was a lovely day.  Sunny and dry.  And everyone showed up to have fun!

The Kitties have missed the kids

The horses have missed the kids

The kids have missed the horses.

Jakes heading out for a Happy Ending Ride on Milkshake

When we can get back to the farm, that tells me Spring is on the way!  Here's hoping we go back this weekend!

MY Mechanic

Jakes Fixing my car

Jakes is really growing up.  He helped me out this weekend by changing the fog light on my car.


He also helped G-Pop work on his scooter lift.  Jakes is getting very mechanical.

Tuesday Tidbits

I had a wonderful weekend!  Babysat Oscar while the parents went away for Valentine's Day.  Oscar and Jaxon had a wonderful time playing together and chewing on soup bones.

Sunday after Oscar went home, I went bowling with friends.  Had a lovely time and lots of laughs.  Can't wait to do it again!

Monday, Niecy and I went shopping!  She put her car in the shop for maintenance so we had all day to run all over the place looking for fun things to spend tax money on.

I have plans to buy a washer and dryer but have a friend who thinks she might be able to get me a free set that's in good condition.  Waiting to see what happens there.  Fingers crossed!

Jakes and I finally settled on a name for the new kitty.  He's Jethro Gibbs.  yes, I love the show NCIS and I love "J" names.  Jaxon is named after Jackson Gibbs, who is Jethro's father on the show.  He was played by Ralph Waite who just passed away.

So my boys are Jakes, Jaxon and Jethro.

The kitty is settling in nicely.  He doesn't seem comfortable with Jaxon yet.  But Jaxon is just so full of energy and is jumpy and just wants to play with Jethro.  It will take some time for the boys to be comfortable with each other to play.


I've had ENOUGH snow.  When is spring?  Not only do I have to shovel myself out, but I usually have to check the parents out too. So sick of shoveling.


I want a job where I can be WRONG 98% of the time and still keep my job! What job is that you ask?  Weatherman.


Since I KNOW spring is coming, I need to figure out what herbs and veggies I'm going to grow.  I know I want basil, oregano, cilantro, peppers and tomatoes.  I'm also thinking I'd like scallions  What are some of your favorite herbs and veggies?

Tuesday Tidbits

I know, I'm not around here much.  There just isn't much going on in my life.  I'm sitting home enjoying the cozy warmth of my new place.  Got all the boxes unpacked and pictures hung.  It looks and feels like home.

Jakes is spending almost every weekend with me.  I had to tell him to stay home the weekend of the plunge and he got mad at me.  But he was over this past weekend and we enjoyed spending time together.  Jakes earned his phone back at his dad's, the report card was VERY good this marking period!  So proud of him!

We got a new kitten!  He's still hiding under my bed so I don't have pictures to share yet.  In time, he will come out and play with us.  Jaxon is very anxious to have a playmate.  He's sniffing all around my bed to find the little guy.

Jakes and I haven't decided on a name yet.  We are going to wait for his personality to come out and see if we can pick one that fits him.  He's all black with beautiful golden eyes.  He's about 6 months old and is all taken care of with shots and reproduction stuff.

Going to start shopping for a new washer and dryer set.  I hate going to the laundry mat.  Such a hassle!  Not for much longer though.....

I have lots of other things on the wish list.  Its going to be like Christmas for me!!

I am so sick of the snow we keep getting.  I mean, really?  Every other day?  and Sunday's storm was supposed to be a dusting.  Well, I measured 3 inches on my deck.  They LIED again!  

On the up side of this winter, we spring ahead on March 2nd!  Less than a month away!  I always equate spring ahead with SPRING!  I am planning my veggies and I can't wait to get my herb garden defrosted again.  I miss my fresh herbs for cooking!

Dad is hanging in there with the chemo.  Not having too many side effects and such.  The cold is really getting him, though.  Not only has he lost weight that could be insulation, one of the side effects of the chemo is a susceptibility to the cold. Dr. said he's not supposed to have ice in his drinks or be outside in the cold.  He could get frost bite VERY easily.  He's being smart about things for the most part.  He stays inside when its VERY cold, he covers up when he has to go out and he doesn't stay out for long.

That's about all on my front.....

So Many Benefits

This will be the last post I make on the benefits I've seen since moving, I promise! Next week, I'll start telling you all about the good things happening in my life.

Before I moved I post a list of things I was looking forward to when I moved.  Here are some examples:

One that I am loving is not being woke up in the middle of the night.  The other day I woke up and couldn't figure out what day of the week it was.  I had slept THAT good.

Green veggies in the house has made for some very yummy dinners.

Me and Jaxon have been singing while we make dinner most nights.  I love music!

There is a benefit to moving that I didn't anticipate happening.

Jakes is spending more time with me than he was!  I've been in the new place for three weekends and he's been with me for all three weekends.  He actually spent a WHOLE weekend with me, which he hasn't done in a very long time.

This week, he's off school and is with me for those days off too!  He's spending FIVE consecutive days with me, even though I have to work!  When he asked me to come and get him, I wanted to cry tears of joy.

I am SO happy that he loves being at the new place and it shows that he does love me, even when we fight.

If there were no other reasons for moving, this one is the BEST.  Having my son with me as much as he wants is paramount to me and my mental health.

The New Place

I am in the New Place and I love it.  The Holiday Season wasn't very relaxing for me but there were things to be done.  I had to get out of the house with AZ.

The police are watching the house and I cannot afford to be caught up in their illegal doings.

Jakes, Jaxon and I spent Christmas at my parents house and they loved having us.  It was lovely to be in a place where I didn't have to worry about my stuff being stolen or my privacy being invaded.  I didn't have to worry that the police would be breaking down the door to arrest whoever was in the house.  Jakes didn't have to share the bedroom with a 45 year old man, who was drunk all the time.

Yes, things at the house are THAT bad. But I am gone from there and am moving on.

The weekend before Christmas, Neicy and I went into the new place and painted all the walls and ceilings.  I love Neicy!  All I had to do was say, "let's paint" and she was there.  She lifted a 5 gallon can of paint off the counter and pulled a muscle in her back.  She still painted with me though.  We finished up the walls and ceiling on Sunday and I went back to paint the trim on Monday.  I did a little bit of stuff at the new place on Tuesday but tried to relax until it was time to get Jakes for Christmas.

We celebrated Christmas and I didn't go to the new place AT ALL on Christmas day.  Thursday, Jakes cleaned the carpets and I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom in the new place.  The landlord finished up everything necessary for the CO inspection.

Here are some pictures of the new place before I moved in.

My deck.  I'm getting a table and chairs to put my umbrella up. Its going to be a wonderful place for dinner and sunsets.

The Kitchen.  Its a good size and very functional.

Bathroom.  I love the shelves in the shower! I've filled them already. :)

The Living Room is also a good size.  I'm still experimenting with how to position the furniture.

My Bedroom.  I love the windows!

That's the new place!  There are still boxes every where and I have some projects that need to be done.  Tonight I will be finding Jakes's bed so he can sleep in it this weekend.

Tomorrow's post: Friends Who Are Nominated for Sainthood!

Bathroom Redo

ESM decided it was time to repaint their bathroom.  She's never painted before.  Interesting!  So I of course offered to help her with the project.

She cleaned out the room, Daddy taped the areas, they got the paint and supplies and we got to work.

I started out with cutting in and then showed her how to roll the walls.

Rolling the second coat

ESM caught on quickly with the rolling.  She made sure all the areas were covered and smooth.  We did have to put a second coat on just to make sure it was all covered.

Daddy kept the couch company which is where he needed to be!

Jakes was over for the weekend but he didn't help.  The bathroom was barely big enough for me and ESM.

Jakes kept the dogs company which was a big help.  We didn't need any yellow noses!

ESM was going to put the bathroom back together on Sunday and she wants to paint a cabinet a purple color.  I can't wait to see it completed!  I'll share pictures later!

Adventures

Jakes and I have been taking some adventures around the area, with cameras.  A couple of Sundays ago, we went to the top of a lighthouse in the township.  I've lived here all my life and have never been up to the top of it.

It was a LONG climb up in circles

The weather was warm and the sun was shining.  I had one camera and Jakes had the other.  I had the long lens and he had one that was auto-focus.  We both ended up with some fabulous shots!

Camera Wars

He got me!

The view from the top was fabulous!  I was able to take 7 different photographs and then I stitched them together in one big panoramic photo.

Looking across the river to Delaware
See!  We are CLOSE!

Going Down....

Jakes learned some tips from me and the guide who was at the top of the lighthouse.  He's going to be a very good photographer.  He keeps bugging me to give him one of the cameras.  Not yet!

In the back is the bridge to Delaware.
The view was fabulous!

Here's my Panoramic Picture.  I'm going to get it printed professionally, framed and hang it in my living room.  I LOVE what I was able to do with it.  I hope you're able to see it from here.

Hi there.

Hi there.  Yes, I'm still here. Sorry for deserting you.  Nothing serious going on, just everything seemed to pile up at once.  Here's a quick run down of things going on:

I have a 20 pound turkey drinking in my fridge for Thursday.  Unfortunately, he's only drinking, not getting drunk.  But he will still taste mighty fine on Thursday!  I have a plan of attack for getting everything done, along with working all day on Wednesday.

Dad and ESM are coming for dinner.  Jakes wants me to pick him up on Thursday morning.  UGH.  That should be interesting, taking about 2 hours out of my day to run to his house.  But I will make it work!

Dad is having the last treatment of this cycle today.  He goes back on Thursday to get his pump removed.   They will also be setting up a scan to see how effective the treatment has been.  I am anxious to know but scared at the same time.  Of course I will be there with them to interpret what is being said for them.

My laptop for work DIED last week.  It was my BABY!  I've had it since 2006.  Its had two hard drives replaced and they finally decided it wasn't worth replacing this hard drive.  It needed a new battery and the hinges were coming apart. So, they ordered me a desktop.  Its got Windows 7 and Office 2013.  I'm having lots of trouble figuring out where everything is!  I am fortunate that the IT department allowed me to be an "Administrator" on this computer.  Most of the computers are locked so people can't download stupid stuff on them.  IT said they trust me.  Personally, I think its because I do troubleshooting in my office for them.  I save them some work.  Whatever, I don't need approval for everything I download, like new versions of Adobe readers that my grant sites require.

Now that I have a computer back, I'm hoping to get back to Blogging!  I've missed you guys!

AZ and I went on a date!  We went to see a double feature of the Hunger Games movies.  We saw the first one and the NEW one!  I loved the new one!  I am trying to take Jakes into going with  me over the Thanksgiving holiday to see it again.  We'll see!


I know that I have a lot to be thankful for this year. There are some days that its hard to remember those things, those days when all the bad stuff walks up in front of you and slaps you in the face.  On Thursday, I will take a few minutes to count my blessings.  I have a lot to be thankful for.


I hope you have wonderful things to be thankful for as well.  Happy Thanksgiving.