Its Time to Quit

As you might have noticed, I haven't written too much about things in my household.  Mainly because things between me and AZ haven't been going well at all.  Yes, there have been pockets of good, like date night to see Catching Fire.

In October, I was ready to leave and start life anew.  AZ talked me into staying, saying things could and would be different. And they were.  For about a week.  And then he went back to the Drs and got his prescriptions renewed.  He promptly started using again.

 For two weeks, I had the man I care about, then man I can talk to and enjoy hanging out with. Only for two weeks.  Then for Thanksgiving he was stoned on his medications, again.  The only reason he didn't face-plant in his food is because I kicked him under the table.

So, its time to leave.  I am not changing my mind, I am not going back on my word this time.  I am leaving and not looking back.  I have found a place and will be moving in after Christmas.

I will be starting a new life in the new year.

Tidbits

Dad starts Chemo tomorrow.  ESM is going with him and they are expecting to be there until early afternoon.  UGH.  Makes for a long boring day.  Dad will come home with a pump for two days and then go back to have it removed on Thursday.

I will be stopping over to walk their dog at lunchtime. Oscar is a sweetheart!  He just spent the weekend with us as Dad and ESM were taking one last long weekend trip for the end of summer.

The 4-legged boys relaxing in the sunshine

Jakes and I didn't have a very good weekend.  I picked him up at 5:30 pm Friday and he was back home by 9:30 am Saturday.  I will not be disrespected and threatened to the extent that he did in my own home.  I don't know that he learned a lesson but he's sent me a text today to apologize and ask my forgiveness.  Jakes and I will be having a talk before he comes back to my house for a visit.

Huny and I had a pretty good evening this weekend.  We went to a backyard wedding reception that ended with beers, wines, and a bonfire!  Lots of silliness, adult time and relaxation was had by all!  I met some of Huny's old friends and got to hear some "stories" of the old days.  They are good people who we need to hang out with more often.

A fabulous way to relax with friends

That's my weekend.  How was yours?

Camping is Hard Work

Its hard work setting up camp and making sure everything is ready to be enjoyed.  Even the pups were tired from all the driving and setting up.

Jaxon was so tired at the end of the first day he couldn't even lick his butt.

Oscar just wanted to go to bed.

Jax and Huny finally got a nap in

Silly Hats

While in Washington, we stopped in a gift shop in one of the museums.  I don't remember which at this point....

My dad was in the Navy until just after I was born.  I grew up playing with his Navy hats and sleeping on US Navy sheets.

So when I saw these hats in the museum, I had to make my boys try them on.....

AZ modeling

What an expression.

Just for you daddy!

Yet Another Beach Day

We took the family to the beach last week. It wasn't a beautiful of a day as when I went with ESM but it was a lovely day in different ways.

AZ and I packed up the kids (mine, his and plus one more), the chairs, lunch and sunscreen and headed to the Wildwood, NJ.  We chose that beach because there is a boardwalk with rides and yummy food.

JR and friend wanted to just walk the boards, checking out the chicks.  Jakes wanted to swim and body surf.  AZ wanted to take a nap and get some sun.

He got the nap but not much sun.

We got there late in the afternoon so there wasn't much time for sunbathing and there was quite the breeze blowing.  We lost the umbrella! I had to go running across the beach to save it.  YIKES!

Jakes and I spent some time in the water body surfing and splashing.  He had a ball which made me happy.

After a quick stop for some dinner we turned the boys on the boards again.  AZ and I wandered around remembering all our times there as teenagers.  We also went on one ride, the loop-d-loop roller coaster.  All the boys were afraid to get on it with us. It was AWESOME!!!!  We got the first car and it was a hanging coaster.  Nothing in front of you, nothing under you.  We LOVED it!

On the way back to meet the boys we stopped to play the water gun game. AZ WON!!

Its a Butterfly!  I LOVE IT!

We met up with the boys and on the way back to the car we caught a parade.... The MUMMERS!

The string band was strutting their stuff along the boardwalk

They are amazing!

With one final look at the boardwalk, we packed back into the car for a long drive home.

Wildwood Boardwalk

It was a lovely day that I hope can be repeated very soon!

Maps - WW

In Washington, I had printed maps to get us to and from places.  Upon exiting the Hotel, AZ and Jakes had a LONG discussion on the orientation of the map.  They wanted to make sure we were going in the right direction.

Our Maps

Mind you, I knew what direction we were supposed to take without the map!

Room with a View

I spent a lot of time researching Hotels in DC.  I wanted to be in the city but parking is a pain and expensive.  I checked into hotels outside the city and taking the Metro in, but the cost of the Metro cards was going to be about the same as parking in the City.

I found a website that helps people rent out their parking spaces in various cities around the country.  Parking Panda lists the parking spaces by neighborhood or around hotels.  I loved this!  It allowed me to get a parking space for the weekend for what the hotel wanted for one night.  And it was in walking distance from the hotel!

I found a hotel, the Residence Inn, for a great price and they served a hot breakfast!  The breakfast saved us so much money!  We usually ate so much at breakfast we weren't hungry for lunch. 

I loved the hotel.  It was clean and updated.  The staff was lovely and helpful.  I would definitely stay there again.  The only problem (for AZ only) is that its a non-smoking hotel.  He had to go all the way downstairs and down the street in order to smoke.  I'm trying to talk him into quitting.  Fingers crossed!

When we go back to DC, if we stay the night, I will definitely stay at this hotel again.  And I will be asking for this room:

Its got a balcony and a view of this:

Wouldn't that be lovely to stare at?

Next time........

Saving Me - WW

AZ saved me from a HUGE bug at the US Botanical Gardens

More statutes from the Botanical Gardens

I love me my Butterflies!

Rainy Day Fun

Yesterday was my last day of vacation.  I spent it getting organized to go back to work.  You know, making sure the glasses are in the pocketbook, that there is stuff for lunches and munchies.  All the fun stuff.

Then it started raining.  When I looked at the weather map, it didn't look like it was going to be too bad, just a passing shower with maybe some thunder with it.  An hour and a half it was STILL raining.  And I don't mean a little shower.  There was WALLS of water coming down.  According to the news today, we had over 4 inches of rain in an hour and a half.  The water just didn't have anywhere to go.

So what did we do while it was raining?  We grabbed umbrella's, my camera and went to play in the rain!  Here is some of the fun we had:

No flooding in the camper, just lots of water around it

One road over had more water than ours.  This kid had a good idea!

Singin' in the Rain! AZ was dancing around like Gene Kelly.

Jaxon loved being out in the water, not when it was raining

Jerks who think its okay to drive through flooded streets

After it stopped raining, it only took about an hour before the road was passable.  I've been looking at pictures on the local news website and many people lost cars and had water in their homes.  Such a shame!

Visit to the Capitol Building

We started our visit to DC with getting lost!  YIKES!  I'll share a little secret with you, I think I told Pinky the GPS to go to SE instead of SW for our hotel directions.  And in DC that makes a BIG difference! ooops!

Anyway, we found the hotel and were able to check in early!  LOVE that! 

Parking in DC costs a premium.  Fortunately, I scored cheap parking just down the block.  If you're heading to DC and need parking, I highly recommend www.ParkingPanda.com.  They allow people and businesses to advertise their parking spaces for rent.  I paid $34 for the ENTIRE weekend.  The hotel wanted to charge us $30 per NIGHT.  Parking Panda is in several cities around the country so you might want to check them out if you're heading somewhere. (parking panda didn't compensate me for this, I just loved the service so much!)

After getting everything settled, we headed out to our Senators office to get passes to visit the galleries in the Capitol Building. TIP: Don't let the men be in charge of the maps and directions.  Jakes and AZ fought over the orientation of the map so they would know how to get us there.  I knew where I was going so I just kept walking and let them catch up.

It was HOT.  We hadn't gotten to the corner and sweat was pouring off of us.  I did take a water bottle that we shared. We turned a corner and saw this.......

US Capitol Building

A fabulous site to behold.  We walked around to the back where the visitors entrance is.  Across the street from the Visitors Center is the Library of Congress buildings.  AZ said to me "You could live there, couldn't you?"  Oh yeah Baby!  I love books!

Visitors Center in the Capitol Building

We joined our tour group and thanked the guide for the AC.   The Capitol Building is a work in progress.  They haven't really stopped construction on it since it was conceived in the early 1800's.  We were shown the different "completed" domes and how they compare to what is there now.

The Capitol Dome - Its Dizzying to look up!

It was impossible for me to get a really good picture of the dome.  The camera batteries were fighting with me because of the heat.

They took us into the original Senate chambers where everyone was cramped together.  We got to experience the "Whisper Spot".  The spot in the room where John Quincy Adams sat and could hear every word that was said in a whisper on the other side of the room.  It was pretty cool!

The Whisper Spot

After the tour, we wandered through all the exhibits and the gift shop, just wasting time because we really didn't want to go back out into the heat of the day.  One the way back we paused to get pictures.....

Me and Jakes - AZ needs more practice with the camera so he can get US and the building in the picture.

Me and Huny.  Jakes does pretty good with the camera

Jakes and Huny

We stopped in the Botanical Gardens to check out the Corpse Plant which was working on blooming. I'll share that tomorrow.  Its AMAZING!

DC Bound

We are taking a family vacation to DC this coming weekend!  I can't wait!  Jakes went there for his 8th Grade class trip but didn't get to see much of the great city.  So for his graduation present I promised to take him for a weekend.  He wants to get lots of pictures of everything.

I have done so much research to find the right hotel (free breakfast!), in just the right spot (4 blocks from the National Mall!) and with parking.  Parking is SO expensive in DC.  

I can't believe how hot the weathermen are predicting its going to be.  We'll be taking water bottles and refilling at as many places as we can.

Since there is a fridge in the room, I will be taking things for lunches and we'll take a break mid-day to cool off.   I think a nap will be in order or at least a quick trip to the hotel pool before heading back out.  Hoping to find a way to miss hottest part of the day......

I have made reservations for us at the Capitol Building and we're going to stop in to see our state senator to get passes for the galleries of the senate and house.  AZ is looking forward to that more than Jakes or myself. 


I know it will be a wonderful, exhausting and educational weekend for all of us! And I promise to share pictures when we get back!

With Attitude

With just getting back from vacation, you'd think I'd be all nice and relaxed but I've been filled with attitude.  Why?  Cause when we got home from vacation, the house was clean, the lawn was mowed and JR was super helpful with getting the camper back in place and unpacked.  I suppose I should have been suspicious that something was up but I wasn't.

I mean I did the same thing when I was his age and had a party where we burned the junkyard down.

Come to find out, JR had a little party while we were gone and one of his wonderful "friends" stole my old iPhone. Supposedly, he's interrogated everyone but no one is copping to taking it.  Why would they? JR has offered me $30 to replace it.

I am SO angry and full of attitude.  AZ asked me what my problem was.  Ummm....  Your KID has once again done something stupid that has affected me.  Yes, it was my old iPhone and I can do everything with my new phone.  But its the principal that it shouldn't have been touched AT ALL.  My first thought after being told was that I was happy we'd taken the new camera and my iPad with us!  Oh and I immediately checked on my jewelry to make sure everything was still there. 

I (we) should not have to feel as though I (we) have to lock things up when we are out of the house.

This is not the first time JR has been involved in injuring me or my stuff.  I've had to put my bike in the shop twice because he has taken it and returned it broken.

The camper has been practically destroyed by JR and his friends.  The inside of the camper was immaculate when we got it.  Now, both mattresses and the dining area seats are full of cigarette burn holes.  There are burns on the counter.  None of which were there before JR and his friends partied in it.  And AZ had to spend TWO days hosing everything down so that we could go away in it.

I have a HUGE problem with JR's lack of boundaries and consequences.  He's been suspended and expelled from school with no consequences, such as being grounded (made to stay home, giving up his cell phone).  He has been suspended twice from the alternative school with no consequences.

I have bitten my tongue because JR is not my kid.  When JR has been suspended from school, I have asked if AZ is going to ground him and invariably, the answer has been no.  AZ doesn't want to be the bad guy.  Personally, I think JR is begging for some boundaries. 

When I went home from work yesterday, JR arrived with my old phone.  He also paid me for the repairs to the bike.  AND apologized for all of it.  I reminded him that the kids who were there the night the phone was taken are still not welcome in my house and that they really are not friends.  JR agreed.  But only time will tell if  he will actually change his ways and choices of friends.

While I would love to not allow JR in the house when we're not there, its not realistic.  I have to compromise with what AZ wants for rules in the house as well.  I can only hope that AZ has discussed this situation with him and that JR has learned something from this.  I can only hope that the next time we go away and JR doesn't go with us, that he will exercise better judgement in who he invites over.

Because if we go away again and something else happens, I will go ballistic!  And that's a promise!

We're BACK!!!

After spending a week at the Campground with the family and the Dog, it was nice to come home.  AZ spent Tuesday and Wednesday scrubbing the camper from top to bottom and he did a wonderful job! 

AZ checking the Electrical connections before we pull out.

After a quick stop at Wal-mart for grill gas and ice, we were on our way!  Once at the Campground, we set up the camper and unloaded everything from the truck and car.  I felt like I'd packed everything but the kitchen sink.....

All set up and ready to camp!

Jakes set up his room in the camper......

Can't take the Laptop away

At the Campground, 4:30 is Bloody Mary Hour at the Gparents campsite.

Gparents Camper

I had to work on Friday so its good that we were local still.  Jakes worked at the Farm Friday afternoon and Saturday.  Fortunately, the Farm was just around the corner and across the highway from the campground.

Relaxing around the Campfire

I love sitting around the camp fire in the evenings.  While it was hot, the fire kept some of the bugs away.

Friday evening, AZ put the chicken on the rotisserie and boiled water for some corn on the cob.  It was the BEST chicken!  I had put it in marinade Thursday morning before we left and it just sat sucking up the flavors in the cooler.   

On Saturday, we had dinner with the Gparents.  Daddy got the MOST AWESOME steaks and cooked them over the campfire.  OMG when I say melt in your mouth, don't need teeth to chew it, good super yummy steak, it STILL doesn't describe how good the steaks were. Potato salad, tomatoes and cucumbers, mac n' cheese and wine rounded out the menu.  Can you say "STUFFED"?  YUM!

After dinner, we pulled the chairs over to the field to watch the 4th of July fireworks and we weren't disappointed.  I didn't take any pictures but trust me they were lovely and right over our heads!  We almost had to lay down to see them!  Nothing like front row seats......

We decided to stay an extra day so instead of packing up on Sunday, Jakes and I floated around the lake for the afternoon.  He didn't put sunscreen on and boy did he complain about it later!

Lazy Lake

Jaxon loved being at the campground, except that he had to be on a leash.  At home, he sticks close so we don't use a leash unless we're taking him out of the yard.  At the campground, he had to be on a leash.  Poor baby!  But we took him up to the empty field to toss the ball and make sure he got lots of attention.  Jaxon was a super good dog!  He didn't bark at everyone who walked by the camp site, he didn't run off, he was SO well behaved!

Jaxon's play ground and where the fireworks were set up.  LOTS of room!

Jaxon and AZ at the end of the day. Camping is such hard work

Sunday left us with one more chance for a campfire.  We didn't want to bring any wood back with us so we started early, like before dark!

Monday morning found me running Jakes to the Farm then coming home to help AZ pack up the camper.  By noon, we were home and unpacking again .

All done and ready to be towed.

I loved being at the campground but in a way, I was also ready to come home.  I wanted a shower that I didn't have to share with the potato beetles or other black crawly things. I wanted to get the sand out of my shoes and to be able to walk around without shoes.

We are in discussion for the next camping trip....  Hopefully somewhere with a pool!

Date Night

AZ and I don't get to go out for many "dates".  If we have a chance to get out together, its usually in relation to running a kid or two around or visiting our parents.

So when I scored FREE movie tickets to a premire of "The Heat" starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy I immedately told AZ we were GOING!  No kids, no parents, just US.  And its FREE!  And the movie looks FUNNY as all get out!  AZ said yesterday that he's looking forward to going.

UPDATE:  AZ is sick and won't be going with me.  BUMMER! Tryng to talk BFF into going with me.  If not, I'll go by myself!

Check out the trailer:

What's Going On

We are living life.  And while not all roses and sunshine, its been pretty good.  Money seems to be the biggest problem, which goes for a lot of people, of course.

AZ and I are communicating better about things and sharing more of our lives together.  He has been sober and really making an effort to change how things are.  I'm very proud of the steps he's taken recently and I can't wait to see where his plans take us.

We have plans to go camping over the fourth of July weekend.  Jakes is coming with us.  The Gparents will be in a spot around the corner too.  And of course, our dogs.  The Campground is where we went last year and we really enjoyed it.  They have fireworks on Saturday and they seem to be some of the best in the county!

For Jakes graduation present, he wants to go to Washington DC and see the sights.  They went there for his class trip but didn't get to spend a lot of time around there.  Jakes has ideas of some of the stuff that he wants to see.  AZ hasn't been to Washington since high school and is excited to go as well.  I'm excited that I will get to spend some time with my Guys.

This is life.  And its really not bad and definitely improving.

Are you ready for a Picnic?



Picnics are romantic and fun, right?  Once you have the right equipment, like a basket to carry everything thing in, a bottle of wine and the right person to share it with.

Thanks to Daddy and ESM, I'm all set for a lovely picnic!

The beautiful basket





Everything you need, expect the
wine and the guy!





Now to round up the bottle and the guy!










I might share pictures of the picnic too.  :)

Tuesday Tidbits

I missed all last week.  Where did it go?  So much happening!

AZ has finally made appointments with pain drs, dentist and the eye dr.  He says he's tired of being sick, feeling sick and sitting on the couch.  FINALLY!  He's been awake and participating in life around the house.  I'm happy but afraid to trust that it will stay this way.  Only time will tell.  In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy it.

Choir is done until the fall.  We had a wonderful spring concert and then sang for the local college graduation.  The place was PACKED and the ceremony was so boring.  I was able to read while they were calling the names.  Even our conductor was checking out a magazine.

Work is boring, as usual.  This is the slow time of the year for grant writing and contract making.  I'm working on researching foundations.  Boring work.  I want something challenging. 

Jakes is getting ready for 8th grade graduation.  He's excited for the end of the school year, but then what student or teacher isn't?  Now comes the fighting over the tickets for the ceremony with his father.  I hope he doesn't act like an ass for Jakes sake.

I'm getting a new camera.  A friend is letting me borrow it. I think he hopes that I will want to buy it from him.  He's probably right!  But its a VERY nice one with changeable lenses and filters and all that good stuff.  I hope he's going to include lessons with it.  But you will get to benefit from awesome pictures!  Stay tuned!

Tidbits

Just a few quick thoughts to share......

From the news:

Do we really care that the Gov. of NJ had weight loss surgery?  I don't.  Now that I know, I'm glad he's doing what is necessary to make himself the healthiest person he can be.  I wish him luck.

Did you know that Jim Thorpe's kids and grandkids are fighting over where he's buried?  The kids want him moved from the town of Jim Thorpe where he has rested for over 60 years.  If I was Jim, I'd come back and haunt my son's for moving me.

So happy those women who have been missing for so long have been found!  I'll be following the story for more details.  They certainly are blessed.

From ME:

I am sick and tired of writing mental health policies at work.  This means I have to read the boring regulations necessary to be able to write the policies to fit into my agencies business.  I'm so bored!  And need a mental health vacation.......

Things with AZ and I are going well.  I've started making some decisions about this portion of my life but I need some input from my therapist so I can finish.  There is time for finishing.

I went for a bike ride yesterday.  I wasn't going to but AZ reminded me I should.  It was a great ride!  The gears worked wonderfully and it felt great to stretch my legs and just breathe......  Thanks for the push, AZ!

Jakes called me yesterday!  I hadn't heard from him in about a week.  He made me happy just by calling. Guess I'll be seeing him this Mother's Day Weekend.

I still have a couple of the songs from the concert bouncing around my head.  I'm so sick of being in my head right now.  The songs are fun, but not after three days.......

When is it time to go to the beach??  I am so looking forward to a day of sitting in the sand with a book in my hand.  Soon!

To my friends on the East Coast: stay dry and check with your local emergency services for the nearest Ark!  There's a massive storm dropping lots of rain up and down the coast.   Be Safe!

Tidbit Tuesday

Saying lots of prayers for everyone in and around Boston who has been affected by the horrific bombings there.  I"m also praying that the law enforcement agencies there are able to find the sicko(s) who did this.

Last week we found out that our Autism Center is closed. There was a simple email asking us for patience while they analyzed things to see where they could go with the new lack of funding.  Then Jill at the Farm heard that the Center wouldn't be paying for any services going forward.  This is not a good thing for the kids who need help with transitions!  To have their services (there were many in addition to the Equine Therapy) yanked from them with no notice.  I know there are many parents who have been doing a mad scramble to get things in place to keep their kids moving forward.

Jill and her group of wonderful parents are working together to find funding to continue the Equine Therapy for the Autism Kids.  They are planning a Chinese Auction and I am keeping my eyes pealed for grants that would work for the Farm.

Jakes and I had another blow out this weekend.  He's not speaking to me and has said that he won't be coming to see me EVER.  giggle.  And until he apologizes for his mouth and his other behaviors from this past weekend, I don't want to hear from him either.

For now, Jakes and I are not talking and he says he won't be coming back to my house ever.  We'll see how long that lasts, probably until his dad annoys him and he needs to get away from his father.  But he'd better be ready to apologize to me before he's allowed in my house again.

Things between AZ and I are going really well.  He has been awake and sober and we are both participating in the relationship.  I have hope again!  We are planning a camping trip for Mothers Day weekend.  We're going to stay local, its cheaper!  Dad and ESM are going to meet us at the campground where they will have their own site just down the road.

JR and his friends have made the camper their "man cave" over the winter and AZ has already told them they will be cleaning it before we leave.  I said I'm not touching it, its all their responsibility.

AZ and I are planning to put in a garden.  I can't wait to get the ground tilled and get some plants in there!  Fresh veggies over the summer!  Oh YUM!

My Spring Concert is coming up soon.  The choir is working hard to get the right notes and words in place.  I love working with my voice!  I'll miss this over the summer.

Well, that's about all that's going on my little corner of the world.  How's things where you are?

Therapy Tuesday

Here I am flip flopping again.  I'm so confused.  And worried that I'm getting played.

After not talking to each other for most of last week and me deciding that I was leaving, AZ and I have been talking again.  Not just about us and the reasons we are struggling (yes, there have been those conversations) but about life in general. And enjoying each other again.  I spent a wonderful weekend with him and our families.

He was awake and participating in things at the house (he helped me move furniture so I could mop and dust).  He chatted with my family when they were over for my birthday dinner.  We played with the dog together.  We communicated, we hugged and kissed and we slow danced to 'our song' while making dinner together. Until the kids called.  Damn kids!  Lol

After everyone left, he invited me to come out of my bedroom and watch zombies get their heads blown off with him and JR.  I declined due to the grossness and I was in the middle of a good part on the library book that expired on Monday.

After the Zombies were dead, he came to bed and held me most of the night.  There was a level of intimacy to us that hasn't been there in SO long.

Sunday was more of the same.  After spending the morning snuggling, I went to lunch with my sister and cousin.  Then AZ, JR and I went grocery shopping.  More PDA and silliness throughout the store.  Shopping was actually fun!

He has not asked me to stay.  He has not told me to go.  He did say things would work better for him if I could stay through May at least.  He hasn't said that he would miss me.  He has said that the dog was going to miss him and the yard.  He doesn't want visitation of Jaxon.

He said he doesn't think he's ready to deal with the things that are keeping him down.  He admitted that he is over medicating himself to avoid feeling.....anything.  He doesn't feel like a man.

When I left for work Monday morning, I kissed him and thanked him for the wonderful weekend.  We spent most of Monday texting back and forth over things. 

We have plans to spend some time together alone and I have plans of talking to him more about things then.

Until then, I'm SO CONFUSED!