Here I am flip flopping again. I'm so confused. And worried that I'm getting played.
After not talking to each other for most of last week and me deciding that I was leaving, AZ and I have been talking again. Not just about us and the reasons we are struggling (yes, there have been those conversations) but about life in general. And enjoying each other again. I spent a wonderful weekend with him and our families.
He was awake and participating in things at the house (he helped me move furniture so I could mop and dust). He chatted with my family when they were over for my birthday dinner. We played with the dog together. We communicated, we hugged and kissed and we slow danced to 'our song' while making dinner together. Until the kids called. Damn kids! Lol
After everyone left, he invited me to come out of my bedroom and watch zombies get their heads blown off with him and JR. I declined due to the grossness and I was in the middle of a good part on the library book that expired on Monday.
After the Zombies were dead, he came to bed and held me most of the night. There was a level of intimacy to us that hasn't been there in SO long.
Sunday was more of the same. After spending the morning snuggling, I went to lunch with my sister and cousin. Then AZ, JR and I went grocery shopping. More PDA and silliness throughout the store. Shopping was actually fun!
He has not asked me to stay. He has not told me to go. He did say things would work better for him if I could stay through May at least. He hasn't said that he would miss me. He has said that the dog was going to miss him and the yard. He doesn't want visitation of Jaxon.
He said he doesn't think he's ready to deal with the things that are keeping him down. He admitted that he is over medicating himself to avoid feeling.....anything. He doesn't feel like a man.
When I left for work Monday morning, I kissed him and thanked him for the wonderful weekend. We spent most of Monday texting back and forth over things.
We have plans to spend some time together alone and I have plans of talking to him more about things then.
Until then, I'm SO CONFUSED!