Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Defining Paradise

There is a paradise out there for me.  It might even be here in my little hometown.  I most certainly will not be making hasty decisions to move and loose the wonderful connections to parents, friends, family and other supports I have in place for Jakes and myself.  My paradise series here will be an exploration of my resentments, finding my happiness and hopefully deciding what is missing in my life.

I realize that I am harboring resentments, many resentments toward things in my life that I cannot change.  I just need to figure a way around or through those resentments, figure out what is keeping me from what I consider "my true happiness" and how I can make that happiness happen for me. 

I seem to think better in words.  They are concrete and changeable.  I can put my disjointed thoughts down here and come back later to organize them.  If I leave them in my head, they continue to be jumbled and disjointed.  I just don't seem to be able to organize them in there.  Its a mess in my head!

I know that I have a good life in my little hometown.  I have my own place on the river. Its usually a peaceful place, when you don't count Jakes outbursts and meltdowns.  I have parents and friends who help and support me with the trials and tribulations of being a single mom to my wonderful child.  There is an Autism Center in my little hometown, something that is very unusual for bigger cities, let alone my little place by the river.

My friends are there for me in the bad times, but we also are there for the good times.  I have friends that I can exercise with, go to dinner with, travel with, spa days with, or just hang out at their pools!  And even my friends who I don't "hang" with regularly are there with words of support and encouragement for me when I need it.  And I hope that I am able to be there for them in all the same ways.

I have a job.  Its not a job that is exciting or thrilling, in fact I am rather bored by it.  But in this economy, its a job with a paycheck and health benefits.  And that is very important.  I can provide everything Jakes and I need and even lots of extras, like a trip to Disney.

Spelled out like this, it sounds like a fabulous life, right?  Who can ask for more?  Family, friends, built in babysitters, fun, laughter, and so much more.  I have all this right HERE, RIGHT NOW.  It seems a little ungrateful of me to want more for myself.  But I do.

But this is where I will talk about my resentments and hopefully find solice from them.

The other thing I am looking for in my "paradise" could possibly be different climate.  That's why I would consider moving.  I am sick and tired of the winters here.  I don't like the humidityor the heat.  I would love to find a place to live that is low humidity and ranges from about 40-50 in the winter and up to 80 or 90 in the summers.  Someplace that doesn't get an abondance of rain and if there is any snow, it would melt the same day.

So while I am exploring my resentments, I will also be searching for a place with my criteria for weather conditions.  If you know of such a place on earth, let me know!


  1. i can understand this...i would like to say i never resented my children but that is not the case...having children changes your life...and while it brings lot of joy it eliminated some things you can do...it was hard for me to give up some of those desires...

  2. Is there a place with the perfect weather? People always say NC is terrific for weather, but I actually miss the midwest now that I'm here.

    The only thing that will figure this out for you is time...

  3. I like this idea very very much.

    I too am letting my resentments block my path to happiness. I don't know how I wasn't seeing that until I read your words.

    Hey Forest, you mind if I run along behind you for a while?

  4. I'd love to go to Florida. It might get extra hot but no crazy winters. I could do without crazy winters.


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