Tuesday, May 8, 2012

When I Feel Like a Failure

I had a lovely weekend.  Jakes was camping with my parents and they had a wonderful time.  They reported that Jakes was very well behaved, helpful and without a smart mouth.  I'm so proud that he was such a help and had a wonderful time with them.  He can't wait to go camping with them again.  Since Jakes has moved, he hasn't had much alone time with them.

ESM reported that she can see a difference in Jakes without his ADHD medication.  He's not unbearable but he had, I guess "ticks" is the best way to describe it.  He would make noises and couldn't seem to control them.  She said they weren't bad, or even too annoying but she also noticed that he didn't do them when he was on the medication.  She was very proud of how Jakes behaved and helped g-pop with setting up and taking down.  I'm very proud of Jakes too.

OH.  His father took him off the meds but didn't tell me.  Jakes told me that he wasn't on them anymore.  And yet, I have a new receipt for a refill of the medication from his father and no explanation from him as to whether Jakes is on or off the medication.  Wonderful parenting.  But that's another story.

Before my concert on Saturday evening, Kathy and I met friends from Maryland for dinner and they attended the concert.   They loved it! and I loved having them there to share my fun.

On the ride to dinner, I chatted with Kathy about needing space and wanting to live my life without having to be saddled with babysitting duties when my parents go out.  I was not THIS blunt with her and she understood. Or so I think.  She asked me to take care of her animals while she goes to FL with my parents at the end of the month.  sigh.  I think I need to move.

In the space of an hour and half, Jakes and I managed to have 4 major blow ups about various things.  Mostly me getting upset with him for his disrespectful way of treating me and other adults.  By the time I had to leave for concert #2, I was feeling so low and like such a failure, it wasn't fun to sing at all.  I just couldn't pull myself up enough to enjoy the concert.  Oh, I was on stage and sang, but there was no enthusiasm from me. booooooo

That lasted for the rest of the evening.  AZ wasn't having a very good day either.  He wasn't feeling well and there were outside forces that annoyed him.  He said he did have a good visit with his son while they were taking JR back home.  I'm glad JR cared enough to talk with his dad and get his mind off his troubles, even for a little while.  JR seems to be a good kid.  I'm looking forward to getting to know him better.

Later Sunday night, Jakes father is making threats to take me to court again.  That's all they are, threats.  And if he actually DOES take me to court, I'm not worried.  I just wish he would respect the restraints and not make those threats.  I will definitely bring that up in court if we go. SO, things in my house on Sunday night were not very pleasant.  I went to bed early.

What was a wonderful start to a weekend, ended an a pretty sour note.  Next weekend will be better.


  1. i think i would have gone to bed early as well...ugh....rough weekend outside of the singing....

  2. Well, SUCKTASTIC to that. Can we go back to calling him asshat? Purty please?

    While I was reading I was thinking, hmm, I thought he just went on the medication and you went to court over it...

    I'm sorry it was such an awful weekend.

  3. I'm not sure why YOU feel like a failure here. So much of this is outside your control, but I certainly see why you are more than frustrated!

  4. You are not a failure. his father is failing him by taking him off medication that helps him. What on earth is he thinking?


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