****I used some pretty foul language in this post. I apologize for the use but not the sentiment.****
This has been a week of important Dr's visits for my family. Dad and Renie just got home from his evaluation at University of PA. They were there to talk about a heart transplant or putting in a pump to help the heart.
They got quite an education on so many things. Best thing is that according to the specialist Dad’s Dr here is doing a good job with the meds.
The bottom line is that Dad is not eligible for ANYTHING they might do for his heart until he has been smoke and alcohol free for at least 6 months. He would never qualify for a transplant due to the cancers he has had. The anti-rejection meds they use are basically fertilizer for the cancer cells.
Before they would consider putting the pump in, he would have to be smoke free for at least 6 months. And then, he still might not qualify.
There is a new procedure that is waiting to be approved by the FDA where they would repair the valves intravenously and just put a stent in which would have a new valve and leave the old one there.
He has a lot of rules that he is to follow to help his heart continue to heal and work as easily as possible.
He also thinks that he has a decision to make. I don’t see that there is a decision. The Dr just told you that if you don’t stop smoking and drinking, you are going to die. No decision there as far as I can see.
I just got back from a kick ass bike ride because I am SO pissed off at him. Bike Ride Stats: 5.6 miles in 25 minutes. My legs are jello now! I do feel a little better, a little more in contol.
Anyho... back to why I am pissed at Dad. The Dr told you that you have Congestive Heart Failure, COPD, and a very back ticker. They told you that if you don't stop smoking and other stuff, you WILL die. No doubt about it. (I know, we are all going to die eventually) The Dr told you that you have a way to prolong your life as well as increase the quality of that life. You are telling me that those stinky, smelly, tar sticks are more important that being with your children (ME, your favorite!), your grandson (and all the other g-children), and oh, hell, YOUR WIFE! You are telling me that you might not be willing to do everything you possibly can to make your life better and longer. You love those stinky, smelly, tar sticks more than you love ALL OF US.
I lost my mother WAY to early in my life. She did everything in her power to beat that dreaded disease. She fought until the end. I am not ready to loose my Daddy, too. I am still too young to loose both parents. Son deserves to have as much time with you as possible. We all still need you.
I lost my mother WAY to early in my life. She did everything in her power to beat that dreaded disease. She fought until the end. I am not ready to loose my Daddy, too. I am still too young to loose both parents. Son deserves to have as much time with you as possible. We all still need you.
Well, you know what? If you choose those tar sticks over ALL OF US, you might as well be dead. If you decide that you want those tar sticks over ALL OF US, I just might have to tell you to go fuck yourself just to save myself the pain when you do die a premature, gasping death. I probably won't but I will probably think about it.
I really feel for you and hope your father finds the strength to fight to live. Maybe you can show him your post? Best of luck to you and your family. BTW, I did a county-sponsored program to quit smoking and in it there were two former addicts of everything from cigs and alcohol to heroin. BOTH said quitting cigarrettes was the hardest. I'd imagine your father's afraid because he assumes he can't quit. I'm sure he would agree that he'd pick his family over the damn cigarettes, but maybe your writing will help him see the way his choice feels to you.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a tough time! Hope your dad is around for many, many more years to come! May you have the strength to deal with this tough situation!
ReplyDeleteI stopped smoking about three years ago and I found it really easy with all these nicotine products around.
ReplyDeleteSo, as well as having more energy, no more stinking hair and clothes, I feel a load better.
I had a jar that I would put all the money that I'd saved from buying cigarettes and I called it my "Cash for Ash Jar", then I would treat myself to something I really wanted!
I am about to piss you off I think. But I agree with your dad's belief that he has to make a decision. This isn't a decision about him choosing smoking over you. Honestly it isn't. The man was just told point blank that he is dying. That if he stops everything it may not even matter.
ReplyDeleteI have went through this twice now with relatives.
This isn't about you. This is about him. His choices.
He has the right to choose how he wants to live out his life. If he wants to fight or not. It isn't your choice. You need to step up and support him regardless of what he chooses.
If he does end up choosing to smoke. That is his choice. It isn't him choosing a smoke over you. It is him choosing to live out the rest of his life the way HE wants. He needs your shoulder to lean on not scorn for any decison a grown man makes.
Now before you go all postal on me let me tell you I have lived through the bad choice of continuing to smoke while lung cancer ran rampant and ended up killing them. But they are an adult. They made the decision. It wasn't in me to make them feel like an ass because they chose not to fight.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how frustrating it is to wish someone would quit smoking. But I also work in a field that has done lots of research on smoking and the addiction to nicotine is a truly powerful one. Nicotine effects the same part of the brain as heroin, making it hard to give it up.
ReplyDeleteHe should try a product to quite, like nicotine replacement therapy. A lot of people don't because they think it is "cheating" or "lack of willpower," etc, but it's not - it's a medication that can help you quit.
And others are afraid to use it because they are afraid that the nicotine is dangerous. But the nicotine is not the danger in cigarettes - it's everything else. There are almost 70 carcinogens in cigarettes, but nicotine is not one of them - it doesn't cause cancer, lung disease, stroke, etc.
It CAN increase blood pressure, but if you compare the nicotine in cigs and the nicotine in NRT, one is basically safe with a slight risk and one is a HUGE health problem.
I'm not trying to make this a novel, and please don't think this is an advertisement (I don't have any vested interest in NRT). I just see this kind of thing every day and I know how hard and how frustrating it can be.
What happens is that people give up hope and start feeling like they want to go out doing the things that they enjoy rather than trying to fight it. It is sad, but they have to be convinced to try.
ReplyDelete