I am so tired of the fighting, the disobedience, the refusal, everything. I don’t know what else to do. I have tried everything that I can think of to try to make things better in my house with my child. Nothing seems to work. And they even seem to be getting worse.
Yesterday in the midst of trying to get Jakes ready for school, he had a meltdown. His meltdowns are no longer just him sitting on the floor crying and kicking. Now they consist of violence directed at whom ever is around, the dog, the cat, ME. His meltdowns are scary, not that they were fun before, but now they are scary.
But his father still will not allow me to medicate him. Court is January 14th and I can’t wait. I have made an appointment with the pediatrician for December 29th to discuss all the reports and recommendations in preparation for the court date. January 15th, Jakes will be medicated and I hope to see an improvement. I also am trying to keep my hopes down; I don’t want to think of this as a miracle; I don’t want to be disappointed if it doesn’t work for all the things I want it to work for.
**** Please don’t judge me for wanting to medicate my child.****
****I have tried everything I know of to avoid medication****
****If you have suggestions for Aspergers Syndrome with ADHD Combined, Send ‘em!****
Jakes’ meltdown led to one of my own. I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t try to stop it. I am so frustrated with everything in my home that I have no control over; that I am trying so hard to improve; that refuses to improve.
While I was sitting on the floor crying I just wanted to have someone there with me, holding me, telling me that it was ok, that it would be ok. But I got no one, at least not at 6:30 in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, if I called Neicy or my parents or any of my friends, they would have been there in a heartbeat, I know that.
But I am tired of doing this alone. I want someone who can help me to co-parent this child, someone I can lean on in times of struggle. I am just plan tired of dealing with this and not getting anywhere.
My facebook status for a while yesterday was "I quit". Neicy told me I can't. "Watch me" I responded.
I called off work yesterday because of this. When I talked with the Clinical Director, I could barely talk and she immediately knew something was wrong. She talked with me a bit to calm me down and even called me back around lunchtime to see how I was doing. She said, “if I knew where you lived, I would have come to see you.” She’s a wonderful woman!
I went to the Resource Library yesterday in the hopes of educating myself on Aspergers combined with ADHD, disciplining, just anything that might help, even a little bit. Whenever I am faced with adversity, I research, read and educate myself. I now have 3 books and one video to work through. To give myself Hope.
Today's Facebook Status is "There will be no temper tantrums or crying this morning. Not from me at least." And there wasn't. I have Hope, just a little, but that's all you need in order for it to grow.
In the meantime, I am looking for a punching bag, tissues and Advil. Not necessarily in that order!