Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Its Been A Rough One

I am so tired of the fighting, the disobedience, the refusal, everything. I don’t know what else to do. I have tried everything that I can think of to try to make things better in my house with my child. Nothing seems to work. And they even seem to be getting worse.

Yesterday in the midst of trying to get Jakes ready for school, he had a meltdown. His meltdowns are no longer just him sitting on the floor crying and kicking. Now they consist of violence directed at whom ever is around, the dog, the cat, ME. His meltdowns are scary, not that they were fun before, but now they are scary.

But his father still will not allow me to medicate him. Court is January 14th and I can’t wait. I have made an appointment with the pediatrician for December 29th to discuss all the reports and recommendations in preparation for the court date. January 15th, Jakes will be medicated and I hope to see an improvement. I also am trying to keep my hopes down; I don’t want to think of this as a miracle; I don’t want to be disappointed if it doesn’t work for all the things I want it to work for.

**** Please don’t judge me for wanting to medicate my child.****

****I have tried everything I know of to avoid medication****

****If you have suggestions for Aspergers Syndrome with ADHD Combined, Send ‘em!****

Jakes’ meltdown led to one of my own. I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t try to stop it. I am so frustrated with everything in my home that I have no control over; that I am trying so hard to improve; that refuses to improve.

While I was sitting on the floor crying I just wanted to have someone there with me, holding me, telling me that it was ok, that it would be ok. But I got no one, at least not at 6:30 in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, if I called Neicy or my parents or any of my friends, they would have been there in a heartbeat, I know that.

But I am tired of doing this alone. I want someone who can help me to co-parent this child, someone I can lean on in times of struggle. I am just plan tired of dealing with this and not getting anywhere.

My facebook status for a while yesterday was "I quit".  Neicy told me I can't.  "Watch me" I responded.
I called off work yesterday because of this. When I talked with the Clinical Director, I could barely talk and she immediately knew something was wrong. She talked with me a bit to calm me down and even called me back around lunchtime to see how I was doing. She said, “if I knew where you lived, I would have come to see you.” She’s a wonderful woman!

I went to the Resource Library yesterday in the hopes of educating myself on Aspergers combined with ADHD, disciplining, just anything that might help, even a little bit.  Whenever I am faced with adversity, I research, read and educate myself.  I now have 3 books and one video to work through.  To give myself Hope.

Today's Facebook Status is "There will be no temper tantrums or crying this morning.  Not from me at least."  And there wasn't.  I have Hope, just a little, but that's all you need in order for it to grow.

In the meantime, I am looking for a punching bag, tissues and Advil. Not necessarily in that order!


  1. Oh how I feel for you. I know what's it's like to be doing it all, all of the time. I don't know how hard it must be when your child has issues like jakes.

    I am so frustrated, on your behalf, with his father. Once you had mentioned letting him have custody for a while; I and others urged you to hang in there, but now I wonder. Would an equal amount of time with your son finally drill it home for him? I wish I knew what it would take to get the support you need.

    Have you considered recording these outbursts? Documenting your life for a week ? Good and bad times so he could see when the switch is flipped?
    Anything to help him see reality?

  2. Sounds tough. I also can't believe his father is fighting the medication - if a child needs it, he needs it - it's nothing to be ashamed about, or be judged for. I'm sorry I can't give any advice, never having dealt with either, nevermind both aspergers and ADHD - but I do hope court is successful, your son becomes more manageable, and that your Christmas and New Year are enjoyable despite everything you're going through at the moment.

  3. You have to have his father's permission to medicate? That's insane! You would not withhold antibiotics if he had an ear infection...why on earth would you withhold this medication which he clearly needs?

    Is there an actual court order forbidding you to medicate? If not, I'd do it anyway.

  4. i hear you...i actually put a punching bag int eh room of one of my clients...it helped...hoping court will clear this up...ugh. know what you are goign through...and good job breathing through it today...

  5. I have seen meds work wonders for some kids! I hope you will be able to at least try it to see if it works!

  6. I've often wondered how this stuff works in the event of divorce...in no small part because I feel that I will be there myself someday. How maddening that he can stand in the way. No judgement here...I hope things are looking up. Jan 15 can't come fast enough.


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