Faith

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.     
                                                            - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I saw this quote on Martin Luther King day and its been haunting me since.  I have been a planner, if I am doing something, I like to have a plan.  I guess you could say, I like to see the whole staircase.

Over the years, I have proven to myself that I can have faith in myself.  I have been able to pick up after a messy divorce.  I have been able to provide a good life for me and my son with minimal financial help from his father.  I have been able to fight for everything Jakes needs to succeed in life.

I have come to rely mainly on myself for everything.  Yes, I use my parents for babysitting at times but those times are few and far between.  And I am grateful that they are here to help.

When Jakes was diagnosed with Aspergers, one of the things recommended to us was to maintain a schedule and to try to plan things and give him notice on those plans.  I got very good at planning.

My life has revolved around planning.  Most of the time that is good but there have been other times when it is boring.  There are times when I look at something I want to do and I chicken out because I don't have a plan in place.  And I don't even work on making a plan.  Because I don't have faith in the other people that it would involve.

Where do you get that faith in others?  I mean, I am sure there are people in the world who have been hurt as I was in the past.  Why am I so afraid to put my faith in others?  And how do I learn to put my faith in others again?