Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Stepmother - A History Lesson

My stepmother came into my life about 10 years ago - really, was it really 10 years? - I guess it was.  I will be the first to say that I wasn't the happiest person about it either but then what child is happy about a step parent.......

Anyway, my father was smitten and wanted all of us to get along.  GREAT.  She has 4 children, who have kids of their own, to blend with my brother and I.  You could just see that they wanted all us kids to get along and be one big happy Brady Bunch.   The first year of their life together, we had "family" get togethers for all the holidays and cookouts in the summer for all the kids who lived around here.  GREAT.  The first December that they were dating, I went to Ocean City alone but Daddy and Stepmom showed up and stayed in their own hotel but still joined us girls for shopping and meals.

Actually, I think I did a pretty good job of hiding my discomfort from Daddy and Stepmother.  I was nice to her and her kids, I allowed her to hug and love Son like he was her grandchild, I taught Son to call her Grandmom (eventually), I let him run up to her screaming her name so that she could pick him up and swing him around before hugging him.

Son, Stepmom and me (smiling!)

I had lots of issues with her invading my family.  She wasn't my mom, I didn't want her to come in here and think that she could replace my mom.  Son was going to know about Grandmom Kathy, who WAS his grandmom in heaven.  Yet at the same time, I knew that Daddy deserved to be happy again and that Mom would want him to be happy.  Because of that thought, I bit my tongue ALOT and let Stepmom into our lives.

As I did, I came to know her, to know that she loved my father with all her heart, that she didn't WANT to replace my mom, that she loved ALL us kids (and grandkids) equally.  And since she knew my mom, she was able to share some stories with Son about Grandmom Kathy.

                       Although, I think she loves my little guy the best!

Just cause I got to know her, doesn't mean that everything is peachy keen.  There is still the usual jealousies that happen between some families but we manage to work them out and love each other again.

I haven't told her how grateful I am that she is part of our family, how much I love having her around, but I hope my actions speak louder than any words I could say.  With the addition (and acceptance) of Stepmom, we have added another chapter to our family History Book.

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  1. Well that is so good to read and so rare too. I have had more step-mothers than I care to recall and I was never asked to cal them "mum" and certainly only one wanted to be called "grandma" which seemed so odd since she had her tubes tied as she didn't want kid sand wold quite prouldy proclaim that she had never liked kids! I REFUSED to let my kids call her grandma, needless to say.

    My current step mother is very nice though and realises she will never be my mother but she is a good lady and i;m glad she is in out life--she's good for my father adn truly makes him happy too.

  2. Seeing your profile I encourage you to go to Betsy's blog: Quite inspiring I tell you. She is not single but she has been raising triplets with autism.

  3. Very nice post. I cant imagine having to accept someone new into the family like that. But I like her, and think you got a pretty good step mom.

  4. I have had step parents who ended up being a very important part of my life. The adjustments in the beginning are tough. My step parents came by way of divorce.

  5. What a wonderful tribute to your Mom!

  6. wow. I like your stepmom better than my real one.

  7. have not got to see all my TT peeps in a couple weeks. a quick note to say i hope you have had a great holiday and warm wishes for a happy new year!


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