Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm Nuts and Need Therapy!!

There are several reason why I am thinking that I am nuts and need therapy. The first being that I want to SWIM with THIS:

Uh….. ice bergs, Neicy? Do you really think we should be doing this? Maybe we should have our heads checked. In case you missed my Polar Bear post, go here.....    But this is not the only reason I think I need my head checked. 
I have mentioned on here that I am not feeling myself. When I first started feeling down and easily annoyed, I kinda thought maybe its just the winter blues. After all, November and December have the shortest days, the least sunlight. But the more I sit and think about things, the more I realize that I am feeling depression again, not just the winter blues.

I am showing classic signs of depression. How do I know? Cause I’ve been there and beat that. See, when my ex told me he wanted a divorce, I hit bottom. And it wasn’t pretty. I’m not feeling that bad, yet. I have recognized some of my symptoms and can hopefully pull myself back up. If I can’t, then I will find my therapist. She was the best, without her and some of my closest friends, I would not have survived as well as I did.

Ok. What do you have to be depressed about, you ask? I have NO clue. I have a job, which while not my dream job, is at least an easy one with a good paycheck. I have a wonderful son, who is doing SO FREAKING WELL in school not just grades but his behavior has been THE BEST EVER! I have wonderful friends and family who love me and support me in every way. I love them all! I have a home that is cozy, clean and ALL mine.

Yet, I am still sad. Eating like a horse. Sleeping a lot yet in pieces. Annoyed by the littlest things. Tired of being around myself. I can’t concentrate.

I remember the coping skills Kate taught me. I just don’t have the energy to apply them. I need someone to kick me in the butt. I need to get off my ass and take care of myself, mentally, physically and emotionally.

So. Let’s start by reviewing some of the coping skills from Kate.

1. Exercise – releases good feeling hormones and tires you out to help you sleep. Not to mention the calories you will burn.

2. Stick to a sleeping schedule – just cause you are bored, do NOT go to bed before bedtime. Your body gets into a habit and if you go to bed when you are tired, you will sleep longer.

3. Eat when you are hungry, not when you are tired, bored, stressed, angry. This will help with the excessive weight gain.

4. NO Caffeine. This messes with your mood and sleep patterns.

5. Meditation. It relaxes you. It really does! I used to use it frequently.

6. Sunshine.  You need sunshine. 
Starting tomorrow evening, I will exercise for at least 30 minutes every night. My new bedtime will be 10:30. I will try to pay attention to WHEN I am eating and WHY. And although I haven’t had caffeine for several weeks, I will avoid caffeine. I will start my meditation again.  I wil do my best to find sunshine for at least 15 minutes every day.

If my mood doesn’t improve in a week, I will then make an effort to find my therapist again and get professional help. I think I can live with myself for another week.

By live with myself, I don’t mean that I am considering suicide. I am NO where near THAT. Been there before and I am NO WHERE near that depressed.

I just wish I could live outside my head, somewhere that’s nicer. One week of diligently applying the coping skills to see if there is any improvement.


  1. You forgot #7 and most importantly #8.....#7 is medication. when I was depressed medication helped me so much, so it is just a thought to consider. And #8 is Prayer. Believe me....prayer can get you through when Nothing else can.

    And a nice day with your buddy Denise will help at least a little. And smelling some Scentsy Bubblegum wax. That will cheer you up. How about some pics of Yummy Jacob from Twilight. And Chocolate.
    OK...thats enough suggestions from me. Just know that I love you and am here for you 24-7.

  2. prayers. the good new is that you see it. not everyone does and you seem to have a good plan in place to take care of yourself.

  3. The first thing that I like to remember is that everyone is depressed in some way. No one is truly content. It is how we handle our negatives that is important. I have been there, where you don't want to get out of bed, and you eat a whole pizza, saying "Fuck it, why should I worry about what I look like?".

    It seems to me that people with fame, want obscurity, people with relationships long for the quiet of the single life. The skinny people want to bulk up and the heavy people want to slim down. Life is just a merry go round of wants and should ofs and what might have beens. I get up in the morning and just take in the world and am happy that I am alive to be able to talk with people and work and even blog. We are all in the same boat!

    I have adopted a new attitude. If my relationship fails, I will start over. If I lose my job, I will use my time to try to improve myself. If I can't pay my bills then I will declare bankruptcy. If I am hungry, then I will eat! I don't need to impress anyone! Cheer up! :))

  4. Ames, I am so sorry you are depressed. Like otin said we are all depressed now. It is not like the olden days where you didn't have to think about terrorist blowing up some big building with a bunch of people inside. I agree with Denise #7 and #8 and I wish I could send you a compaanion because that would be nice too. It is sad that you don't know the reason so maybe you should make an appointment with your therapist who helped you before. Maybe she could help you find out why because you really need to know why hon. I know Ray and I are depressed because financially we can't stay here anymore and we will be leaving March 31st kicking and screaming from Arizona. Thankfully we have a place to go so we should just be gratefull and forget about it but we just can't. So make your appointment and find out why you are depressed. I am glad you have a plan and you are going to work on perking yourself up. I too am here 24/7 for you remember that. I am a phone call away. Don't worry about the 2 hour difference. I Love You and I am praying for you daily. Do you think if you got a pet it would help take your mind away from what ever is going on inside? A cat or a puppy maybe. Even a fish... (((Hugs))) Keep me posted even if you have to do it thru Denise.

  5. For two years I was exhausted all the time, had an explosive temper, gaining weight. The doctor kept telling me I was depressed. I kept telling him I wasn't. After two years of testing various things, I finally agreed to try the doctor's plan. Wow! I became a whole new person. My husband started thinking I was taking speed instead of anti-depressants. I still think I wasn't depressed, but the chemicals certainly have helped my body.


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