The Truth and Nothing But The Truth - Day 1

For the next 30 days, I am going to write the complete and utter truth about myself.  Here is day 1

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

There are lots of things that I dislike about myself such as my weight, my couch potato practices but all these things are things I can change if I really wanted to. I am working on these things, I am on a diet (and HUNGRY!) and I have been going out more when Son is at his fathers.

What I really hate about myself is that I beat myself up for things, big and small. My marriage failed, I beat myself up. Even though I KNOW that I did everything I possibly could to make it work, I still beat myself up over being a failure.

Jakes and I are having problems, I beat myself up for not being able to be a perfect parent and handle this.

I write what I consider an AWESOME grant and we don’t get the money, I beat myself up, wondering what else I could have done better.

When a friend offers a fun time, I do the “safe” thing instead of the fun thing, I beat myself up.

I have MANY examples of beating myself up but I think you get the point. I have been this way all my adult life. In a way its good because I strive to be the best I can be so I don’t have to kick myself up later. I worked hard to make my marriage work, I am in therapy times 3 with Jakes to try and make that work, and I write some MEAN grants and organize them to the best of my ability.