Monday, October 18, 2010

The Truth and Nothing But The Truth - Day 1

For the next 30 days, I am going to write the complete and utter truth about myself.  Here is day 1

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

There are lots of things that I dislike about myself such as my weight, my couch potato practices but all these things are things I can change if I really wanted to. I am working on these things, I am on a diet (and HUNGRY!) and I have been going out more when Son is at his fathers.

What I really hate about myself is that I beat myself up for things, big and small. My marriage failed, I beat myself up. Even though I KNOW that I did everything I possibly could to make it work, I still beat myself up over being a failure.

Jakes and I are having problems, I beat myself up for not being able to be a perfect parent and handle this.

I write what I consider an AWESOME grant and we don’t get the money, I beat myself up, wondering what else I could have done better.

When a friend offers a fun time, I do the “safe” thing instead of the fun thing, I beat myself up.

I have MANY examples of beating myself up but I think you get the point. I have been this way all my adult life. In a way its good because I strive to be the best I can be so I don’t have to kick myself up later. I worked hard to make my marriage work, I am in therapy times 3 with Jakes to try and make that work, and I write some MEAN grants and organize them to the best of my ability.

10 comments:

  1. yeah, stop doing that. you do much well.

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  2. Sometimes you do everything right and it doesn't work because it just wasn't meant to be. Stop beating yourself up.

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  3. There's not a one of us who doesn't do this from time to time, and all of us including you should cut it out!

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  4. I have a clinical problem with self blame, self hate, etc. I always Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda myself...

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  5. Just be you and stop beating your self up!! You are doing a great job of being a good mom!!

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  6. What a great idea -- 30 days of truth. And this one I relate to BIG time, although I'm getting better the older I get. Maybe you will too.

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  7. You're awesome.
    All of us do this. But all of us should stop doing this...after all.

    Big hugs!

    B xoxo

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  8. I'm a single moms of 2 and I find your site very interesting. I hope I have much time each day to drop by and check your site for recent post.

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  9. I kick the crap out of myself too. We shouldn't do that. We're ok. Really we are.

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