All my life, I've been a good daughter. Ok, I had a rebellious period where I thought I was grown and didn't need my parents dictating to me what I was supposed to do and be. But my parents and I worked through it and things settled down.
I have always followed the rules. I graduated High School, went to college, graduated college, went to work. I dated and partied, but I've never experimented with drugs and I didn't drink alcohol when I was underage. I bought a house near my family, got married and eventually had Jakes.
I have always been close to my family. When Mom was sick, I did everything I was able to help and support her in her fight for her life. After she passed, I was there to help Dad through the hard times of finding his way alone in the world.
I did all this because it was expected of me. I was supposed to do the college thing, get married and pop out a kid or two. I don't think it was expected for me to divorce but it also wasn't expected that I would stay in a miserable marriage.
Now as we start this journey in the fight against cancer once again, I am doing what is expected. I'm offering my services to be there for Dad and ESM and Oscar. I will go with Dad to infusion appointments, I will walk Oscar on the days that ESM goes with him. I will make dinners and other fattening foods that appeal to Dad.
But there is a part of me that just wants to run away to someplace warm and without the responsibilities of fighting cancer for someone else. I said to Huny the other day that someday I'm just going to do something that is not expected of me. He said he doesn't think I have it in me. How disappointing for me. It might be time to shake things up and surprise people.