Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Parent Teacher Conference

I actually remembered that I had the Parent teacher conference today.  I know, I have an iPhone that should be reminding me of everything in my life but first I have to remember to put my life INTO the thing.

Anyway, I show up in homeroom and while we are waiting for the other 2 teachers, Mrs L tells me that Son has Internal Suspension tomorrow.  Really, Jakes didn't mention that on the phone at lunchtime, nice.  The story goes that he was in gym class, didn't like a call that was made in the game, got mad and threw the ball in a girls face.  OMG!  The girl is fine, thankfully.  This is not his first outburst, just the first violent one.  So far.

That's when I started crying.  Is that all I do lately?  Seems like it.  All I could think about was the email from A/H telling me that he thinks I am desperate and trying to take the easy way out.  Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.  But that email came in minutes before I went to the parent teacher conference.

So I fought for control so I could bring the teachers up to speed about the testing and the recommendation for medication and the court date.  They said that they see a lot of distractedness, impulsively, and just plain rudeness from him in the classroom.  They asked questions about our home life and how much involvement A/H has with Jakes.  The one teacher, the one who taught me, was disgusted at how A/H is using his child in this way.  He asked how many therapy sessions A/H had been to, if he attended parent teacher conferences in the past, which of course he hasn't.

There are so many ways that Jakes is being affected by his behaviors that I didn't even realize until today.  Who wants to play or be friends with someone who may react violently if something doesn't go his way?  Some of the kids have found a way to egg Jakes on, to get him to act or talk in a way that will get him in trouble, just for laughs.

What kid wants to be in trouble all the time?  Especially for things that he just cannot control.  He does something wrong at school, gets yelled at there, comes home and does or says stuff wrong and gets yelled at here.  Who wants to live like that?  But his father doesn't see any of this because he doesn't interact with his son, even on the weekends they are together.  Because he doesn't have any trouble with him, no one else should either.
Jakes is very rude and disrespectful to his classroom aid.  He doesn't want her but its been explained that he needs her in order to do well.  I chatted with him briefly tonight about why he has her still, reminded him what her role is in the classroom.  We played a couple games of Tic-Tac-Toe during break at choir practice.  He seemed to be on the same page with me, answering my questions about what he thought should be acceptable behaviors with her.  Tomorrow after dinner, we'll work on his science project and work out some ways that he can try to change his behavior toward her.

The good thing about the conference is that the teachers know about the diagnosis and the proposed treatment, as well as the pending court date and they are all going to write up their observations of Jakes in the classroom.  I will be able to submit this information to the courts along with the Drs reports and recommendations.  Once again, A/H will look like the ass that he is in the eyes of the court.

I just have to remain sane until January.  And stop crying.


  1. Screw that - you cry as often as you need to.

    I have a left field suggestion for you. Would you consider getting a hanging heavy punching bag and gloves for you both? There is nothing - I mean nothing - that feels quite as good as cranking up the music and pounding that bag. It does absolute wonders for healthy expression of aggression.

    Have a great day tomorrow, enjoy dining out and spending some down time with your son.

    You have my email - feel free to contact me anytime. stressed moms gotta stick together.

  2. Hey! Just thought you might be interested in checking out my latest book giveaway at!

  3. better to let it out...stay strong

  4. Cry! Hell if you don't you will stress yourself out more. No one is going to judge you for some tears.

    I see your puppy graduated puppy school. I thought I would share what happened with mine on graduation day. You know how they make you get up and show the entire class that your puppy can follow all the rules and tricks? Well Lady was doing fine on everything until we got to the part where she had to heel. She heeled all right then stopped directly in the middle of the class and went crap. UGH

  5. Amy! I feel for you sister! CRY ALOT and STAY STRONG!

    Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

  6. So sorry you have to experience these awful emotions! ((Hugs))

  7. you don't need to stop crying until you are ready to stop. Sending positive thoughts and prayers.


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