Thursday, February 10, 2011


“Come to the edge,” he said. “No, we will fall” they replied. They came to the edge. He pushed them… and they flew.

With Valentines Day approaching, love is everywhere; TV commercials and movies, in the stores and on the radio. Everyone is talking about love and finding love. I think all the Matching services are having free weekends from now to Valentines Day. I’m even seeing the love theme in my Thoughts of the Day emails.

The expression of real love is so easy between grandparents and children – and between good friends it passes effortlessly. I have no problem letting Neicy and Kimber know how much I love them. I have no problem letting my parents and Jakes know how much I love them. It effortless to love these people who share my life.

But why is it so hard for me to share that love with someone other than my family? Why have I been so reluctant to put myself out there to find someone to love?

Kimber went through a messy divorce shortly after me and she is getting married in 72 days. She has found the perfect man to share her love. What does she have that I don’t?

COURAGE. She has Courage. You need courage to face your fears, to go against conventional wisdom and be oneself.

Being in love and sharing love with a spouse or lover is hard. Allowing that person into your heart takes great courage and trust. After being hurt terribly, I have a huge fear of being in love with someone, of loosing ME, and of being hurt again. I have lacked the courage to put myself out there to find someone to love and be loved by.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the willingness to move forward in spite of that fear. I have not had the courage to feel and face my fear and so it has grown to a point where I don’t know that I can ever find enough courage to surpass it.

I suppose, as with addiction, the first step is to acknowledge that I have this fear. Done!

The next step is to stand up to my fear and remind myself that I am not willing to live the rest of my life without someone to love and share my life with. I will embrace my dream of someone to snuggle up with, watching TV, making dinner together, and yes, even having to share my bed again.


  1. Oh honey...dig deep for that courage. Don't let that ass faced ex husband deprive you of the ability to love.

    You couldn't be the amazing mom you are if you didn't have a magnanimous capacity for loving.

    Don't go looking for love though. Just be open to it, while looking for fun and connection.

  2. It does take courage to put yourself out there. I couldn't imagine doing it at my advanced age, so I'm probably not a great one to give a pep talk! But it sounds like something you really want, so you need to go for it! Take advantage of those free weekends :)

  3. You can do anything!! You can love and will find love! You are awesome.

  4. I'm a little short on that myself, after Hawaii. I'm not accepting any more dates until I have a job. We gotta find that self-confidence so we can stop attracting the bottom-feeders...


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