Fighting

I’m tired of fighting.

Fighting for my paycheck (thankfully that seems to be resolved for now)

Fighting Jakes and his behaviors. (since he’s almost a teen, that’s not going to end soon)

Fighting his tool of a father over EVERYTHING. (that’s never going to change)

On one hand, I want to fight this latest set back and on the other, I just want to give up. The court ordered that since I benefit from Jakes therapy, that his father doesn’t have to pay his full portion. According to the formula, he pays about half of all Jakes medical bills. With this new court order, he has to pay half of that half for the therapy. So I am stuck paying 75% of the therapy bills. It doesn’t matter that A/H could come to ALL the therapy sessions and benefit as well. But because he chooses to be a piece of crap father, I get stuck with the bill.

Hardly seems fair, does it? Not only do I get stuck with the higher bill but I get to transport Jakes, re-arrange my work schedule to take him while A/H gets to kick back and enjoy his life. And think up ways to screw with me.

In a way, my anger is not about the money. Ok, its somewhat about the money. I could use that money, especially when I don’t get paid. But mostly its about HIM getting OVER and not having to take FULL responsibility as a parent ONCE AGAIN.

So not only did the court rule in his favor, A/H is threatening to take me back to court to have me provide transportation for HIS parenting time weekends. REALLY? How much am I supposed to give to this man that left our family for another woman and her children? To this man that would walk behind me and moo like a cow cause I gained weight? To this narcissistic, controlling piece of crap that FOUGHT me on giving our child medication that was recommended by not one but TWO respected doctors.

I was trying to work with him to resolve the braces and transportation issues but now I am so pissed off, I don’t want to. But would that be what is best for Jakes? For me? I don’t know yet. Still pondering what my next move is going to be.

In chatting with my BFF Kimber, she has suggested that if I stop fighting him and trying to “win”  and "make him pay for leaving me" in every situation, I might find happier-ness (is too a word!) with my life. She is not suggesting that I cave in for everything, especially not the important ones like Jakes and his medication. Kimber was suggesting that maybe some of the issues that I choose to fight tooth and nail for are minor ones. When I shared with her about the transportation stuff, she felt it was a minor one and that I should consider giving in. I didn’t give in just because she said so; I was considering it anyway, just because I am tired of fighting.

So we’re back to that. I’m tired of fighting. I can’t wait for vacation in May.