I hate Teenagers. Especially mine right now. I thought that when I gave him to his father full time that I would get the be the Disney Mom. You know, the parent who gets to do the fun stuff and get all the credit for being the cool parent. That's apparently not how it works when you have a teenager.
I didn't go get him for a Friday dinner visit. I gave him notice that I was sick and couldn't drive. Being dizzy and driving is not safe for me or the people on the road around me. AZ offered to drive me over to see Jakes but by then Jakes was having a temper tantrum and told us not to come. So I listened. I couldn't have my head off the pillow without puking anyway.
Now, Jakes won't come and see me because I blew him off that one day. Its only for a couple of hours. I drive 45 minutes each way to take him out to dinner. We usually spend dinner arguing over things and me feeling like he is trying to dominate me.
Today I tried to make amends with him. He has no empathy for the fact that I was sick. He has empathy for his Gpop for being sick, but not for mom. Never for Mom.
Some of the things he is saying to me are definitely coming from his father and his hatred of me. This should not be happening. I tried (sometimes successfully) not to bash JF in front of Jakes. I always encouraged Jakes to get over his anger at his father and things that happened at his house. I know that Jakes having a good relationship with both his parents is what is best for Jakes.
At this point, Jakes is mad at me and refusing to come and see me. He's not even swayed with working at the horse farm. Yes, I see that he is cutting his nose off despite his face but I don't know what else I can do. I was ready to go and get him that Friday but he said no. I've apologized for being sick. I've tried to just ignore his attitude toward me and joke and talk with him but all I get is snide remarks back. I'm sick and tired of being abused by my teenager. I'm ready to give up.
And then my heart breaks. And I go back for more. I miss my little boy who would snuggle in my lap watching Thomas the Tank Engine.