Selfish

I am selfish.  I am tired of all the work my father involves.  Driving him places, mainly Drs appts.  Helping him up out of the chair. Lifting his legs in the car. Being afraid I am going to hurt him.  I am just tired of him being tired and sick.  I want my strong, healthy Daddy back.

How can I be so selfish?  Do I honestly think HE wants to be so dependent on me and everyone around him?  He's the one suffering.  Not me.  He's the one fighting and probably loosing the fight for his life.  And I am tired of doing for him.

What a horrible, selfish Daughter I am!  But I am there.  I drop everything and run when he or ESM needs me.  When they called the Ambulance to take him to ER, I drove like a hellion to get there for them.  I stayed there until 3 am and he was settled in his room.  I was the one to run to Dunkin' Donuts to bring him a doughnut and a Pepsi.

I am tired.  I am selfish.  I want my strong, healthy Daddy back.  I think this is one time I might not be getting my way.

I am selfish.  I am tired.