I've written before how much I love to sing. I would sing in the car, in the house and finally I joined a choir and sang with them.
I have loved to sing with them. They are a wonderful, support group of people who gather together to share their love of music with each other and the community.
I was looking forward to going back to singing in September. But in September, Dad was getting worse and finally died. For the first couple of weeks, I looked forward to going to sing. We were getting ready for our holiday concert and I love Christmas music.
By the third week, I was dreading going out of the house for anything other than work or to see Daddy and Jakes. Going to singing practice was a chore, a hassle and not something I wanted to do anymore.
After Dad died, I tried to go back to singing. I've tried to get life back to "normal". Or the new "normal".
But I still dreaded going to choir practice. I still dreaded going out of the house other than for work and necessary things. So I scheduled visits with my therapist and she only had time on the same nights as choir practice.
I miss singing but I still don't feel like singing. Not in the car, the shower or with the choir. I will put music on in the car with the intention of singing. I start singing and then stop. I just don't feel like singing.
I want to WANT to sing. But I don't right now. This is a goal of mine. I am working toward it. Some days it feels like I am getting some where. Other days, it feels like I am 15,000 steps behind where I started.
I will sing again, eventually. One step at a time.