Checking in........

Just wanted to check in. Had a great holiday and Will post about it soon. Spent today digging out from all the snow. Hope ya'll are safe and warm!

Desperation? Maybe

Yes, I am desperate to make my life with my son work better and be happier.  I have tried everything I can think of to make it work.  I have asked his father for help.  I have a diagnosis that recommends medication for Jakes but have to fight to be able to administer the meds.  I pull my hair out, I cry, I scream, I fight, and I quit.  And then I come back for more.  Can you say Masochistic?  Or is it just being a mom?

I have been asking everyone I know for advise in helping me get through this.  Family, Friends, Drs, Therapists, co-workers, everyone.  I finally talked to my mom about it.  She may not be here but she is still looking out for us from heaven.  I know she is.

I was not the easiest child to raise.  I was a lot like Jacob, smart mouthed, argumentative and just plain aggravating.  Then Mom saw a TV show that changed both of us for the better.  Not the best, I was still a bit difficult but was more manageable.  Mom watched Phil Donahue regularly and this particular episode had Dr. Doris Rapp, who was an allergist.  She worked with kids and their parents and believed that behavior problems could be caused by an allergy.  Dr. Rapp brought several families to the show with her and shared their stories and even showed how the kids allergic reactions could cause unruly behaviors in the kids.

Now, I was growing up in the age of Kool-Aid and pre-sweetened cereals.  LOTS of artificial colors and flavors.  There was ALWAYS Kool Aid in the fridge for us to drink.  And breakfast was cereal. 

After seeing the show, Mom decided that there would be NO more kool aid in the house.  I was not allowed to have pre-sweetened cereals or dark colored sodas.  She sat me down and talked with me about trying it for a while and seeing what happened.

What happened is that I turned into a different child.  A much better behaved child, a much more pleasant child.  So we stuck with the special diet and life was better.

In raising Jacob, I have always tried to avoid the artificial colors and flavors with him as well, just because natural is better.  Recently, he has gotten into liking Pepsi (ewe! Coke is better!) as well as V-8 Splash.  I know that the Soda has carmel color and caffeine in it.  I recently read the label on the V-8.  I had read the label for the sugar content and it was WAY less than the other juice that I had been giving him but I didn't go so far as reading the ingredient list.  There are SO MANY artificial colors and flavors in that juice!  I was shocked!

So today, I talked with Jakes about my food allergy and what Grandmom Kathy did for me. I also suggested that we would try to eliminate those foods from his diet for a week and see what happens.  Then we would add ONE back in and see what happens then.  We are also going to remove milk products from his diet for a week.  In Dr. Rapps book "Is This Your Child?", she said that milk and artificial colors and flavors are some of the biggest allergy offenders.  I am going to finish reading the book to see what else we can do.  While reading the book, it was like I was reading about my child.  There were completely accurate descriptions of him in there!  Scary!

I am looking at this experiment as something that is easy to do, should produce almost immediate results, and is safe to do for a week or two.  If we find out that milk and milk products are a problem for Jakes, I will consult with a nutritionist for advice on getting him what he needs to be healthy without milk.

On December 29th at Jakes Drs' appointment, I also intend to talk with his Dr about getting a referral to A I DuPont Children's Hospital for allergy testing.

In order to keep fighting for what is best for my child, I will keep getting back up after being knocked down.  Its what a mother has to do.

The WaterPark

Jakes and I went to a water park last week. Yes, in December! It was an indoor was park and it was so much FUN!

Thank you Goggle Images

I learned about the event through the autism center. The water park was having a special needs night where kids and adults with special needs could come and enjoy the park. They reduced the price of the tickets and had special accommodations for us.

Jakes LOVES the water, always has. He doesn't like the slides as much but I was able to talk him onto one. It was great! For me at least. He was scared. The tubes went outside and were dark so you couldn't see what was coming at you and he didn't like that. The marks on my leg can testify to that as well. I didn't try to talk him into going on the other one.  I learned my lesson!

Thank you Goggle Images

We played in the playground with Jakes having a blast shooting water at people.  We floated around the lazy river, with Jakes giggling madly while he pushed me under the water falls.  He played basketball with the other kids and then we went back to the lazy river for a few more trips around.  This time I got to push him under the water falls!  "giggle"

All in all it was a great night, my biggest disappointment was that the water camera I used didn't work and I didn't know it until I went to WalGreens to pick up the film.  I am SO bummed!

But they are having another night in February, so made we'll go back.  And I'll have a new water camera! 

Its Been A Rough One

I am so tired of the fighting, the disobedience, the refusal, everything. I don’t know what else to do. I have tried everything that I can think of to try to make things better in my house with my child. Nothing seems to work. And they even seem to be getting worse.

Yesterday in the midst of trying to get Jakes ready for school, he had a meltdown. His meltdowns are no longer just him sitting on the floor crying and kicking. Now they consist of violence directed at whom ever is around, the dog, the cat, ME. His meltdowns are scary, not that they were fun before, but now they are scary.

But his father still will not allow me to medicate him. Court is January 14th and I can’t wait. I have made an appointment with the pediatrician for December 29th to discuss all the reports and recommendations in preparation for the court date. January 15th, Jakes will be medicated and I hope to see an improvement. I also am trying to keep my hopes down; I don’t want to think of this as a miracle; I don’t want to be disappointed if it doesn’t work for all the things I want it to work for.

**** Please don’t judge me for wanting to medicate my child.****

****I have tried everything I know of to avoid medication****

****If you have suggestions for Aspergers Syndrome with ADHD Combined, Send ‘em!****

Jakes’ meltdown led to one of my own. I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t stop it and I didn’t try to stop it. I am so frustrated with everything in my home that I have no control over; that I am trying so hard to improve; that refuses to improve.

While I was sitting on the floor crying I just wanted to have someone there with me, holding me, telling me that it was ok, that it would be ok. But I got no one, at least not at 6:30 in the morning. Don’t get me wrong, if I called Neicy or my parents or any of my friends, they would have been there in a heartbeat, I know that.

But I am tired of doing this alone. I want someone who can help me to co-parent this child, someone I can lean on in times of struggle. I am just plan tired of dealing with this and not getting anywhere.

My facebook status for a while yesterday was "I quit".  Neicy told me I can't.  "Watch me" I responded.

I called off work yesterday because of this. When I talked with the Clinical Director, I could barely talk and she immediately knew something was wrong. She talked with me a bit to calm me down and even called me back around lunchtime to see how I was doing. She said, “if I knew where you lived, I would have come to see you.” She’s a wonderful woman!

I went to the Resource Library yesterday in the hopes of educating myself on Aspergers combined with ADHD, disciplining, just anything that might help, even a little bit.  Whenever I am faced with adversity, I research, read and educate myself.  I now have 3 books and one video to work through.  To give myself Hope.

Today's Facebook Status is "There will be no temper tantrums or crying this morning.  Not from me at least."  And there wasn't.  I have Hope, just a little, but that's all you need in order for it to grow.

In the meantime, I am looking for a punching bag, tissues and Advil. Not necessarily in that order!

It's a Wonderful Weekend, Part 3

I left Ocean City, MD early to come home and sing with my choir.  I have had SO MUCH fun rehearsing and performing.  This weekend we gave 2 concerts and while far from perfect, I certainly had fun!  On Sunday, my entire family and some great friends were there to cheer me on.

All of Us



Me in the Middle



My ShouldaBeenMy Sisters, Neicy and Kimber

We are off until after the new year, when we will start practicing for the spring concert.  I am going to miss the weekly rehearsals but I know with the holiday season, I will be busy enough......

It's a Wonderful Weekend, Part 2

Ocean City has a beautiful beach in the summer. And this is one way that they keep it so nice:



The Spoils of Dredging





Dredging ALL Night Long......



Into the Water We Go...

  By the next morning, they had moved in front of the next hotel.  I imagine they were going to work their way all the way up the beach.  I'll have to remember this next summer when I am there!

It's a Wonderful Weekend, Part 1

I had such a WONDERFUL weekend that the word WONDERFUL just doesn't do it justice!  It was such a busy, full weekend that I didn't want it to end.  I am feeling kinda hung over today, without having the alcohol.  hmmmmm  maybe I wouldn't feel so bad if I had the alcohol...  NAH!!!

There was one little hiccup in the weekend but in the end, I got to laugh about it.   Serves him right!



On Friday, I left for Ocean City, MD (OCMD) to have my girls weekend with my wonderful girlfriends. There are a couple that I only see on this weekend so I HAD to go even if only for one night.  I stopped and picked up Judy and we stopped in Rehoboth for lots of shopping.  At lunchtime, we met up with Bonnie and Sherry, then went out for more shopping.  We eventually made our way to OCMD to check into the hotel where Santa greeted us.



Judy and Santa

Judy and I were roomies and our room was the gathering place.  Such fun!!  Since I was only going to be there for one night, I wanted to go see the lights on Friday, instead of Saturday like we usually do so we opted for dinner in the hotel.  And it was the perfect choice!  We had yummy drinks and food.

The DunesBerry.  YUMMY!







The Surf and Turf Burger.  Also YUMMY!

After dinner, some of us went to the lights.  Usually, its SO packed with lines every where.  And they cram you into the tram car for the ride around the park.  Not this year.  We didn't have to wait in any line and we had lots of room to stretch out....

Renie aka Evil StepMoM aka ESM





And now for a bunch of pictures of the lights.  They were fabulous as usual!

Sorry for the blurry ones.  The Tram Car was moving.

After the lights, we headed back to the room to exchange presents and catch up on all the news.  We watched a movie, which I fell asleep on and then it was morning.

After breakfast, shopping and lunch, I had to say goodbye.  I was drving back to Jersey for my Christmas Concert.  Next year, we are moving it back to the first weekend in December and I will be able to stay for the entire weekend.  I love being with these ladies and wish we could make more time for each other.  But distance and responsibilities keep us apart.  I am grateful for the time I had with them this year.