Thursday, July 26, 2012

Special Kids and a Rant

My Jakes is a special kid. I know this.  I also know how to work with him, usually.  With his Asperger's, he may need extra attention and prepping to accept a situation. 

Such as when AZ and I decided we were moving.  I didn't say anything to Jakes about it cause I didn't want his father hearing about it.  But that also meant, Jakes didn't get the prep time he would need to make the changes in his mind to make the transition.  I basically picked him up for the weekend and said "we're moving, deal with it."  Had Jakes been living with me full time still, I would have told him about moving and the reasons behind it, I would have explained why we were considering moving where we did, etc.  Since I didn't do this with him, he wasn't happy about moving at all.  He's coming around and even liked being at the house last weekend and is already telling me of the things he wants to help with this weekend while he's visiting. 

Another sign of Asperger's is lack of empathy for others around him.  Jakes is learning this over time.  He worries over his Grandpop when GPop doesn't feel well and Jakes is always ready to help carry things up and down the steps.  Jakes also worried about Mam, his paternal grandmother and does what he can to help her out.  I love this about him.  It shows me how much he has grown and how much he can care about others.  It makes me proud. 

Another thing that makes me proud is the reports from his riding teacher.  She loves having him around and tells me how wonderful Jakes is with the horses and the other teachers.  This week she asked if he could come over on Thursday to help out with a group of Special Needs kids who are coming.  She said he is wonderful with any child who is different.  He is patient and tender with them and she knows she can trust him to protect them and the horse they are on.  She knows she is blessed to have Jakes around to help out.

How is it that a child who has a diagnosis and is special in his own ways, can be so loving and compassionate with others similar to him yet there are people who are not diagnosis as special are so cruel to my child and others like him? 

When Jakes and JR met the first time, things didn't go well.  Ok, I can understand that.  Jakes is different.  But now JR avoids being around Jakes as much as possible.  He won't even come home when Jakes is around.  This bothers me.  A lot.

I am not expecting them to be the best of friends, nor do I expect them to hang out together.  I would like to know that JR is comfortable coming home when Jakes is there.  Jr lives there after all and they will have to share a bedroom. 

AZ supports his son leaving and spending time with his mother while Jakes is visiting.  I have a problem with JR visiting his mother.  There is a reason AZ has custody and its been proven time and again why its not good for JR to be at his mothers so much. 

I don't think its right that JR be allowed to avoid Jakes, to avoid getting to know him and to learn about his differences.  One of the things that Jakes has to deal with in school is the narrow-minded kids who pick on him because he's different.  JR should learn to deal with people and kids who are different than he is.  And Jakes could learn from JR about more normal interaction and activities.

AZ and I have discussed this some but he seems as though he doesn't want to force the issue for JR and Jakes to be in the same place at the same time.  Well, we're going to have to figure it out because we have lots of camping trip ideas and if its a weekend when I am scheduled to have Jakes, I don't want anyone to miss out on the fun.

My motto for the past 6 months or so has been "we'll figure it out" and that's true in this instance as well.  We'll figure it out and time will tell how the chips will fall.


  1. Just like you're protective about Jakes, so is he about JR and if allowing JR to ease into things in his own time with Jakes is what his father feels is best, then you have to trust that he's doing the right thing. I'm sure he trusts that you make the right decisions about Jakes as well.

    Try not to take it personally. He's just being sensitive to his child's needs and on some level, I'm sure you can respect that.

  2. it may take some time to figure out...esp considering Jakes aspergers it will be tough...i know with the kid i work with i need to give them well advance notice to warm up to things....

  3. You can probably guess what I'll say but...

    AZ needs to make JR be there at the house at the same time. He needs to face you guys are a family now - after all, the definition of live in partner is family, right? I can understand that with the rough time JR has had recently, he's hesitant to force it, but by not doing so it will just make things ten times worse in the long run.

    Awesome for Jakes to be so great with other kids! I WISH Vanilla would go riding. He's completely against horses - while his sister and I love them!

    Good luck :)

  4. Good luck! Tommy is a fan of riding horses too and he's good with other kids--but he keeps talking about the same subject and doesn't get that kids want to move on and talk about other things.


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