When I was full-time parenting Jakes, my goal was to get him as independent as possible. I wanted him to be able to function without me. I wanted him to know how to clean up after himself, help to keep the house clean and to respect his stuff as well as others. I still do that with Jakes on the weekends. He has chores, mostly dealing with his stuff in the bedroom but he also has to help around the house a little bit.
Since having AZ and JR move in with me, I haven't said much about the level of responsibility that is expected of JR. He's been allowed to roam free most of the summer, mostly because AZ didn't want to fight with JR about anything. I think AZ has some guilt for having moved to Arizona when JR needed him. JR was also away for many months and lost freedoms for those months. He played that guilt card on AZ about it and being allowed loose for the summer. AZ gave in. It seems that AZ is afraid to put any limits on JR. And we all know that kids, teenagers especially, need limits. These limits teach them about life and what to expect in the future.
All summer, JR had NO limits. He could come and go as he pleased. He usually popped in to shower and grab a change of clothes once or twice a week.
Now school is in session and AZ has decided that JR would be at the house more during the week. He created a curfew and he and I discussed what JR's responsibilities around the house would be. We seemed to be on the same page. But AZ hasn't talked to JR about any of it and JR was allowed to run free all weekend again. AZ also didn't hold JR to curfew Sunday night. JR is the only one in the house who drinks coffee and I said that he would be responsible for making sure the coffee maker was cleaned and ready for his use. AZ agreed, then went right out and cleaned it since JR was running late this morning.
I have seen AZ doing things for JR that I feel should be JR's responsibility; things that AZ and I discussed and said would be JR's responsibility. All AZ has to do is tell JR to do it and let him know that he won't be allowed out until those things are done. I don't think AZ is helping JR to grow into a responsible adult by doing JR's chores or allowing him to disregard curfew.
I don't know how far to go to make my unhappiness with AZ's handling of JR known. I don't know how much "parenting" AZ will allow me to do with JR. He already has a mother and I am not looking to fill that role in any shape or form. I just want what's best for my household and the members in it.
These are all things that will have to be worked out as we go along and communicate about them.