Sunday Check In

Just a quickie to say I'm doing ok.  After the turmoil of last week, I'm okay.  I am not regretting my decision to send Jakes to live with his father because I do think it whats best for Jakes.  I am regretting that I'll have to pay child support and the impact that's going to have on my way of life.  Selfish, I know.

Jakes is spending the weekend with his father, even though its my weekend.  Jakes and I needed to be separated.  I ran away to a friends house for yesterday.  It was nice to leave everything behind and relax.  Judy is Mom's best friend and she has become a mom to me.  I unloaded everything to her and she helped to reassure me that its probably for the best.

My Dad understands that I feel I need a break from Jakes and supports that I think this is for the best.  But he doesn't think that JF will take Jakes.  Yes, he's said that he would but JF has failed me and Jakes many times before.  So, Dad has a point.  I need to keep my feet on the ground and accept that there is the possibility that Jakes might not leave me.

I need to come up with an alternative plan.  I have dug out the paperwork from the in-home therapists and am prepared to call them back into the picture if necessary.  I have looked up a residential school where two of my cousins graduated.  They had great experiences there.  That's an option, possibly.

I have contacted my therapist to give her a heads up on the situation and that I might need to come back to her.  I don't think I need her right now but I will be paying attention to how I feel.  When I want to hide under my desk, then I know I need her and maybe to increase my meds.

So for now, I am fine.