Monday, June 4, 2012

But You Don't Live Here

Jakes moved in with his dad in November but I still kept his room here. I moved some stuff in there for storage, such as the vacuum cleaner, etc. Since AZ and JR have moved in, there have been more and more changes. Jakes room has been taken over by JR. But JR is here more than just weekends like Jakes.

We are going to move bunk beds in the room and Jakes has called the bottom bunk, which also happens to be a full size bed. I don't think this is fair to JR who will be sleeping in the bed more than Jakes will be. But how do I say this to Jakes without coming out and saying, But you don't live here.

Jakes has lost so much in this round of changes. He doesn’t have a room of his own here, he lost his shelf in the shower, there aren't the same snacks that he likes all the time and he has to share me with AZ.

How do I tell him he doesn’t get first choice on the bed because he doesn't live here? How do I make my child understand that I am not choosing others over him? or am I?


  1. ok a bit of a tough one here...because he does still live there...just not all the time...and he needs a space that he can call his own, even if it is just a def dont want to alienate him and make him feel like it is not 'a' home for him...

  2. This is hard. Does JR care about which bed he gets? Honestly I might let Jakes keep the bottom even though he's only there weekends. So much has changed, first with moving to his dads then AZ moved in and now his son moved in. He could very well be trying to establish "I was here first and I'm your kid" kind of thing. I'd probably let him win at least something to make sure he doesn't feel replaced. Even though he's older, I think kids always carry that feeling of being replaced, just as if you were a 'nuclear family' and have another child and he is suddenly being displaced.

  3. It's just common sense that you'd make the room right for the person who spends the most time there. It just doesn't happen to be Jakes.


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