Monday, June 11, 2012


Ya'll know Jakes has Aspergers Syndrome, ADHD and Epilepsy. He is my only child and I have come to think of him as “normal.” I don't know any other way of raising and dealing with my child.

I have learned to tell Jakes it's time to leave in 5-10 minutes to give him time to transition and adjust to the upcoming change. I have learned to block out his incessant chatter, his repeated phrases (‘cheeseburgers & applesauce, please’ is a favorite of his now). I have accepted that he is ok with hanging around the house with us adults. I know he doesn’t make and keep friends. I wish things could be different for him but it just isn’t to be right now.

Jakes is very immature for his age. This is not necessarily a bad thing or a reflection on my parenting. He has been sheltered by me definitely. He's my baby and always will be.

There are so many things about Jakes that I have come to consider "normal" but are not necessarily "normal". They are normal for Jakes but not necessarily for other kids.

Since JR has come to live with us, I see differences between him and Jakes. It might not be right to compare the kids, as they have had completely different upbringings.

JR is much more mature than his 15 yrs. His life has been very different from Jakes. Where I have bombarded Jakes with attention and therapies, JR has not had strict parenting influences and lots of freedoms. Some of those freedoms landed him in a lot of trouble. But he has done his "time" and seems to have learned from his mistakes.  JR has had to fend for himself in so many ways and that makes a boy grow up into a man quickly.

Hanging with JR has opened my eyes to the differences in Jakes, the definite Asperger's/ADHD symptoms that show themselves. I didn’t really SEE those differences, just accepted them as part of Jakes, and didn’t really label them as Asperger's or ADHD, just The Jakes Way.

Watching JR on his cell phone with friends, coordinating his schedule for visiting his friends and girlfriend, the nights he spends at friends and his friends coming over for the night, shows me that Jakes is definitely lacking in the social aspect.

Jakes was telling me that on his field trip today, he signed up to be with Mrs. B and he hoped no one else signed up to be with her. Jakes prefers to be with adults than peers. JR prefers to be with peers than adults.

Should I be worried about Jakes and his lack of social skills? Should I be worried that he prefers to be with me and AZ or the G-parents?

Probably. But for now, since it’s not causing any issues at school or in his home life, I’m not going to borrow trouble.  I'm not going to worry about MY normal child.


  1. i think that you can work with jakes on it on some level and i think being around jr will help as well...i would look at socialization opportunities that will expose him to age appropriate children...but make it something he would enjoy so it does not seem like you are setting him up...

    sorry got into counselor mode there...smiles.

  2. It seems like it might cause more problems if you tried to force him to fit a mold he's not made to fit. If this is working, it's all good. :)

  3. He's a normal child in the realm of his issues. It's not good nor bad, it just IS.

    You'll see the differences, but you simply can't compare the two kids. It's the same with two kids who were brought up in the same house. Chick is nowhere near a typical 6 yr old (and if I were to compare to our neighbor who is 6, it's unlikely they will ever be friends). She's very much like a 4 yr old in lots of ways. Vanilla is much more mature in speech, but so lacking in the social skills his sister possesses in spades.

    Jakes will find his own way when he's ready.

  4. I relate to this on many levels Amy. Our oldest has many disabilities. WE are used to it...MOST of the time. It is when we are around kids his age that we realize how completely DIFFERENT he is from his peers. I would like to think we "accept" him for WHO he is...that is not always the case. We love him nonetheless!

  5. It's tough to compare kids raised in the same family, much less kids raised in completely different families. Add to that issues that place a child on The Spectrum and you can't compare - though you can say that it could show you some nice goals to try to see if you could modify to fit your child and their life.

    Have I ever mentioned what a great job I think you're doing ???

    Hugs friend


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