Here We Go A-Wallowing

Do you know the song about wassailing at Christmas time? Imagine that tune In your head when you read the title of this post. It fits.

A while back I posted about being a flip flop in my relationship with AZ. When I posted, things seemed to be improving. Then AZ went to the drs for a refill. Back to the couch and the stupor.

When I talked to him about it, he got angry with me and blamed other things in his life. I'm not accepting the excuses because he's had a long time to start the process for taking care of these things and he hasn't. Always an excuse and then back to the couch.

During this discussion he told me to feel free to pack and leave. No problem. I'm done anyway. While I love this house, neither of us can afford to keep it without the other, although he seems to think he will do it. Have to see what the landlord thinks of THAT idea and also if I can leave before the end of the lease.

There has been so much in this relationship that didn't make me happy. AZ didn't like to go out, not that we have a lot of money for it but when I'd get an invite to a friends house (mind you this friend went to high school with us) he wouldn't go.

He wasn't involved in the relationship; wouldn't even ask about my day; would sleep most nights on the couch (which should tell you about the level of intimacy in our lives). He considered the fact that he would put dishes away, pull something out for ME to cook for dinner and do laundry once a week to be something fabulous. I'm the one who cleaned the bathroom, swept the floors, dusted and did poop-patrol in the yard. And that's after working all week. If he was working, I don't think it would bother me as much.

I'm done with AZ.

I can't think of anything I've done wrong or should have done differently. (maybe called a halt to the relationship sooner) I think I have been very supportive and encouraging. Maybe too much.

For a couple of days, (until Monday), I am going to wallow in the failure of this relationship. Everything that ends deserves a period of grieving.

On Monday (unless the landlord won't allow it) I will start the search to find a place to move to, probably a one bedroom to save on money for now. I'll have to see what's out there.

I haven't thought about how life is going to be if I have to stay there until June. Fortunately, my parents have a second bedroom and have offered it to me for as much as I want and they accept doggies!

I'm not worried about being single. Been there, done that and am looking forward to the adventure! Want to come along?