Monday, March 11, 2013

Oh SO Wrong!

Apparently, I was WRONG.  AZ wasn't telling me to get out, he wants me to stay actually.  I took his words in the wrong context, or so he says.

More talking was going on in my house on Sunday.  AZ told me that he doesn't want me to leave and he wants to make this work.  I was very blunt with him in my dissatisfaction with the relationship.

When I told him he has a problem with the pills, he didn't agree nor did he deny it.  I told him I cannot live life for the two weeks when he's low on medications.  He did admit to dropping the ball on making appropriate appointments for the other things that keep him on the couch.  I complained that he doesn't even look for a job anymore and I don't bother pointing opportunities to him because I don't want to be disappointed when he doesn't make an effort to apply.

I don't want him to "be" in the relationship only when I have a tempertantrum.  I don't want to be this b*tch of a person in order to get him to realize how his actions are affecting our lives.  I shouldn't have to be a b*tch in order for him to want to be in this life. All of this shouldn't be THIS HARD.

I said all this to him.  What we didn't touch on was his relationship with his ex-wife and sex.  These are very touchy subjects and need to be addressed but the ones that we did address seemed to be more important. 

I drew a line in the sand and he crossed it.  I said to myself, the next time he spends time face planted on the couch, I was done.

When we were done talking, I went into my room and cried some more.  I don't know what I want to do about leaving or staying.  I deserve more, deserve better and that is out there waiting for me.  But there is still a part of me that thinks it might also be right here still.  Hope sucks.


  1. smiles...the only time limits are the ones you set for yourself....maybe set a time to reevaluate...and clearly define what it is you want as well...

  2. Sending thoughts and prayers your way that you will figure out what is best for you.

  3. I get it. 100%.

    I will only say this:

    When we make declarations of the consequences should they f@uck up, be warned that how we execute those consequences teaches them what is actually acceptable.

    But you know that.

    Follow your heart. Hugs.


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