As I've posted in the past, I've moved. When I moved, I also severed all ties to AZ. His lifestyle and morals are so far from mine that there was no middle ground to meet on. There was no respect for each other, and there certainly wasn't love in the relationship.
But I am still MAD as HELL at him for putting me through all that he did while we were sharing the house and for making me have to move and change my life. I am so mad that I want Karma to come down and give him what I consider "Just Desserts".
I want his life to crash and hit bottom like mine did. Its only fair, right?
There are so many things that he is doing that are illegal and immoral and all it would take is a couple of phone calls on my part to cause trouble for him. But is he worth it? Nope.
If I cause trouble, that opens me up to Karma b*tch-slapp me in the future. I am trying to remind myself that what comes around, goes around and he will get his come-up-ance in time. I just am having a hard time leaving it up to the universe.
But its just so hard to let go of that anger that I have at him. Its not keeping me from living my life, but whenever I have down-time, my mind wanders to revenge and being pissed at him (and myself) for the way I was living my life for so long.
Things take time and even if the relationship sucked BIG time, its still the death of a relationship and I am allowed to grieve for it. I am grieving for what I thought I was going to get when he moved back here from AZ and wanted to be a couple. I am grieving for the man who is wasting his life in a stupor because he is afraid to face life sober.
I am grieving for all the time I spent trying to make "it work".
I am trying to tell myself to move on, to let it go and live the life I am meant to live. I am unpacking, hanging pictures, enjoying time with my son and friends and parents. I am finding and loving ME again.
I am trying to move one. One Day At A Time.