I WON!

Just a quick post to say:

I WON!!!

Court went well!  I will give more details later.  Thank you to all who sent good thoughts and prayer for me!  You're the best!

Today's The Day.

Court.  Its finally here.  For me, its going to be anticlimactic as I am already doing what I am asking the courts permission to do.  Medicating my child.  So I am going to have fun with his father through this.  Going to have fun making him look like the inept parent that he is.  Making him look like the money grubbing, begrudging his child's welfare person he is.

See, I found out that he did counter file against me but he never served me with his request. STUPID!  When I called the courts on Monday to make sure things were on track, they told me he filed something on December 15th!  They were nice enough to share it with me and offer advice on what I could do, which was to ask for a postponement for another month.  After reading (and trying to decipher his typos and wrong word usage), I decided that I would be able to defend myself against his stupid requests today. 

The courts allowed me to draft a response for the judge and turn it in along with my back-ups.  I mailed it to A/H but who knows if he would get it in time.  Oh well.

What he filed was that he doesn't think he should be responsible for Jakes therapy co-pay because they are billing my insurance for family therapy.  So he doesn't think he should be responsible for it.  Asshole!

He wants Jakes evaluated by the autism doctor, who doesn't participate with Jakes insurance and will cost a minimum of $150 but the office thinks it will be closer to $300 because Jakes hasn't been there in over 3 years and a comprehensive evaluation will have to be done.  He also wants Jakes interviewed by the court.

He doesn't think he should be made to pay my cost of filing the motion because I didn't try to solve this on my own.  DUH!  I have tried to solve this on my own and when I involved HIM, all my efforts were shut down.  He left me with no other choice but to file the motion.

Those are his arguments to what I filed.  Then he has to audacity to ask the courts to make ME transport Jakes for half of the transportation necessary for HIS parenting time.  He moved 2 states away over 2 years ago and didn't ask for help in transporting him.  He is claiming that his employer has cut his hours and he can't afford the tolls associated with transporting him.  I say tough cookies!  My employer hasn't cut my hours but they didn't pay me this week.  Can't get cut anymore than that!

He also wants to be able to claim him for tax purposes every third year.  REALLY?  You have him an average of 4 days per month and contribute 45% of his support and you think you should claim him????  Not to mention that he doesn't PARENT or contribute anything to PARENTING other than frustration.

He wants to make some minor changes to the visitation order, which I have no problems with.

So I drafted my response to the judge and included as much back up as I could and worked to gather the rest of it.  Which I have to share in court today.  Jakes therapist wrote an AWESOME progress report that details his behaviors before medication and since.  I cried when I read it.  But then I cry where Jakes is concerned a lot.

I am trying to summon my anger at A/H so that I have the strength to get through this today without crying in court.  I didn't put on mascara in case I cry!  And I have a tissue in my pocket.  I am ready for this!

As I type this, Jakes is singing the alphabet song.  I am patiently waiting for his medication to kick in so he stops.  He is so much quieter when medicated!

Wish me luck!

randomness

Home life is getting better. I am enjoying my son again! This was definitely the right decision!

Today, Jaxon is ONE YEARS old! I can’t believe where the time has gone! Just yesterday he was a little pup. Now he’s an adult doggie! He really is the best dog for us.

We are expecting another huge snowstorm today into tomorrow. They are calling for 5-10 inches of snow. But they also don’t know what the track will be. We could get more or we could get less. I vote for less!

I am a kinda backwards person. I complain about the cold and the snow but then I make plans to plunge into the ocean in FEBRUARY no less! Just a little crazy, I know.

I haven’t mentioned my dad recently. Mainly cause he is doing pretty good. The last Drs visit, they didn’t even change any of his meds. How awesome is that?!! He still needs to accept that he can’t do everything he wants, like running the snow blower or shoveling snow. But he body jumps in and tells him when its had enough. And it gives him no choice but to listen.

I am SO pissed at my brother. He has been MIA for a while but usually turns up for holidays. Dad has called him three or four times to check in but he hasn’t called back. Then over the Christmas holiday, Brother didn’t even call back or show up AT ALL. Done. Disowned as far as I am concerned. I feel bad for Dad though. It hurt him deeply.

Court is on Friday. I called to make sure everything was on track and found out that A/H had filed a cross motion but didn’t see fit to notify ME! I explained to the law clerk that I had no clue that he had cross motioned. She said if I can send a letter to the judge before Friday, he will have a chance to read my position on A/H’s requests. She recommended I try to be ready to have my arguments ready before or on Friday, otherwise the judge will just reschedule us in 28 days. So I spent most of the morning with hateful thoughts bouncing in my head, then I already had an appointment with my therapist where I discussed a strategy. Last night I typed up my rebuttal to all A/H’s points and now I will submit it to the courts today. I shared it with Neicy and she approved. She said I have a way with words. Unlike A/H who submitted his paperwork with TYPOS. Really?

I just found out today that I am not getting paid.  The company doesn't have the funds.  And they don't know when they will be getting the funds to pay us.  But they will be glad to give any employee and letter to show any creditors that they haven't been paid.  Like that will matter to the bank that holds the loan on my car when they come to take it away.  If you have a line on a job, let me know!  I have a child to feed!

I have been chatting and texting with HS recently.  He lives in AZ and has had a hard time lately.  Fingers crossed that he is on the upswing!

If you liked my randomness, you should check out Keely's!  She hosts this party.

Polar Bear Plunge 2011

Its Coming!  Its Almost time!  We're getting excited!  Yes, Jakes and I are going to swim in the Atlantic Ocean in FEBRUARY! On Superbowl Sunday!

This will be my 4th year and Jakes 2nd of raising funds for Delaware Special Olympics.  As part of this fund raiser, we will be going for a plunge in the arctic Atlantic Ocean.  Here are some picture of last years fun!



Neicy, Jakes and me



Me and Neicy after our swim.  Check out her face!



Jakes and Me
It was his 3rd time into the water but I wanted a picture of us!



After the Plunge.


Ok so all this is for the DE Special Olympics which does wonderful things for special kids in Delaware.  Jakes would like to raise enough money to earn a towel. If you want to donate, please let me know and I will direct you to our fund raising pages.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming!

School News

Yesterday was a BUSY day!  I had SO many appointment to keep and spent a lot of time on the road. 

The first appointment was with the ear specialist.  He wasn't happy with what he saw going on in Jakes ear.  The tube is where its supposed to be but is imflamed.  Jakes peditrician gave us drops and the specialist was pleased with those.  We are to continue those for 2 weeks and go back for a check.  If the ear is still imflamed, we'll have to talk about surgery to remove the tube.  Jakes and I had a cute conversation about it last night while I was tucking him in.

"Why are we doing the drops still?" he asked.

"Dr thinks they will help the skin around the tube to get better."

"What if it doesn't get better?  I have to have surgery, right?"

"Right."

"Will it hurt?"

"Probably not."

"Why can't they just blow air in there?"

"Cause then you'd be an airhead!" I answered laughing.  He laughed too.  What a cute moment!

The next meeting I had was with the Child Study Team.  I hate these meetings.  They just are not usually pleasant.  And I usually end up in tears.  And it happened again this time!  But tears of happiness and relief, instead of disappointment and frustration!

Jakes homeroom teacher and the Aid were there this time.  Its the first I have met the aid.  I liked her.  She has persevered with Jakes and his bad attitudes.  They both shared that his behaviors at school have improved so much this week.  They are pleased!  He is more focused, quieter, compliant and doesn't blurt out in class as much.  He goes to the bathroom and returns immediately, instead of having to be fetched.  He is being more polite and considerate of the Aid, when he has be very mean and disrespectful in the past.  He is a different child.  One that is likable.

His teacher must think all I do is cry.  At the parent teacher conference I burst into tears and here I did it again!  I am so proud of him!

This meeting was to review Jakes need of the aid in the classroom.  While we are encouraged by his progress in the past few days, I do not believe that he is ready to be without her yet.  We might still have to adjust his medication and he needs to be taught some orgainzational skills.  This is something that he was supposed to be learning all along but was incapable.  So for the next six weeks, we are going to monitor the medication, his progress with organization and then for one week in February, he will be without the aid even in the classroom.  If he continues to improve and does well without the aid, we will keep her away and change the IEP in the spring for no aid the next school year.  If he has problems without the aid, we'll put her back into the program and see what needs to be done to help Jakes learn to be independent.

We can do this.  HE can do this.  We will do this.  HE will do this.

Snitz My Son Says

Jakes and I were having a good conversation while waiting for our food in Friendly's the other night.  Jakes was setting up the iYatzee game on the iPad.  I was admiring the hot young things in the kitchen.  He asked what I was looking at and I told him.  He told me to stop looking at them.  Then I opened a can of worms!

"What if I got a boyfriend?" I asked

"No, you can't." he answers.

"Why not?" from me

"Cause you and I need to save our money so we can go back to Disney, just you and me!" he says.

"What if I get a rich boyfriend who will take us to Disney and we don't have to save our money?"

"No.  Just you and me in Disney.  We can save our money and go on our own."

And then our food came so I let it drop.  But if I even DO find a boyfriend, I don't think Jakes is going to like sharing me.

I have been keeping a daily journal of Jakes behaviors. I started it before the medication and have been keeping it up since starting his medication.  He is like a different kid!  He is calm and quiet, accepting and compliant.  He hasn't even fought me too much on the ear drops we have to do for now!

Our session with Valerie was wonderful.  I was weepy while I told her about the changes we have made and how they have positively affected him.  And she could see that he was calm and patient.  He didn't interrupt the conversation until there was an appropriate break and what he contributed was appropriate as well!  Once we finished briefing Valerie on Jakes progress, she went over several social skills lessons with him and was surprised and thrilled at how well he did and how many they covered!

Mornings are a little more trying than I would like.  Don't get me wrong, they are a HUGE improvement over BM (before meds) but I still find myself getting annoyed with him and having to nag  more than I think I should for an 11 almost 12 yr old.  We will work on that.   I cannot expect miracles in the first week.  Well, I can but I have to accept if it doesn't happen!

Last night, he made dinner for us.  Pigs in a Blanket.  While not my fave, at least I didn't have to cook!

Tomorrow we have a visit at the local Children's Hospital to see an ENT specialist.  Jakes had an ear infection over the Christmas holiday and while the infection was clearing up, the Dr couldn't see the tube but saw a lump in the ear canal that he thinks is the tube with tissue growing over it.  I am expecting to be told that he needs to have surgery to have it removed and another set of tubes put in place.  I will be surprised if they don't recommend surgery.  But, after having gone through 3 tubes placements and one tube removal, I am not worried.  The Drs at the hospital are top notch and the one we are seeing is the head of the department.  I have confidence that they will take the best care of my baby!

I Did TWO Amazing Things

I have talked about making changes to our life to make things better. I am reading “Is This Your Child?” by Dr. Doris Rapp. This book suggests things, foods mainly, that can cause your child to exhibit horrid behaviors. She describes many families who have changed the diets of their children and have seen wondrous results in the behaviors of their children. My mom did it to me when I was a pain in the ass. It works!

I bought REAL juice for Jakes, we worked together to avoid most dairy and took juice with us when we went to OCMD for the night. Jakes has been very cooperative with the whole process. So much so, he even continued the diet changes at his dads this weekend. Go Jakes! I didn’t bother to tell his father about the changes we made, thinking he wouldn’t and couldn’t be bothered to follow the diet. Jakes said his dad only had Kool-Aid and dark sodas so he drank water. What a good kid!

Tonight when he came home, he was in a pretty good mood but he didn’t have dark circles under his eyes as he usually does. This can be a sign of an allergic reaction. Tonight at dinner, he was happy and talkative but not overly loud as he usually is. He also contributed productively to the conversation instead of directing it toward things only he wants to talk about. He accepted corrections easily and didn’t argue over the little things. I’m not saying he was an angel but he was HUGELY improved. I actually ENJOYED having him home! And that is something I have not felt in a long time.

The next step for the diet is to add one thing back into his diet at a time and see if he reacts to anything. But since he is at his dads next weekend, we will probably have to wait another week. I want to add the stuff back in when he is with me and not when he’s in school. We’ll get it done!

I have also started him on ADHD medication. Yes, against his fathers wishes and No, we haven’t been to court yet. I don’t care what his father says because I need to do what is best for my child. His behaviors were getting worse and more dangerous. I HAD to do something.

Jakes pediatrician prescribed the medication and I gave it to him for 2 days. I could see SUCH a DIFFERENCE! He was calmer, quieter and more compliant. He seemed more focused on tasks and pleasant. Of course, we didn’t have any deadlines or school work to complete and he was still coming off the diary and artificial colors and flavors. As soon as the medication was wearing off, I could see the old Jakes coming back. He was loud and obnoxious. He was argumentative and mean. I KNOW he needs the medication. I KNOW the medication was working. I can’t WAIT to see how he does in school with it!

When Jakes was medicated, I felt more centered. I didn’t have to nag him, remind him, or yell at him. I didn’t get frustrated with him and our life. I felt PEACE! and HOPE! that I can DO THIS!

I know that we still have a long road in front of us but I know we will be able to succeed. With the help of the medication, cognitive behavior therapy and time, we will be a successfully functioning family. And I won’t have to hate myself for not liking my child.

Oh! By the way, I did NOT send the medication to his fathers because he doesn’t have problems with him so he doesn’t need the medication when he’s with his father!