I have been struggling a lot with ugliness in my life lately. I have talked a lot about Jakes and my struggles with parenting him. Any kid in puberty can be challenging, but add in Aspergers and ADHD into the mix and the struggles can increase. Which they have between Jakes and myself.
My personal life (yes, I consider it different from my parenting life) had taken a turn for the better. I connected with a friend and spent the past several months getting to know him again. Letting myself care for him again, even knowing the complications that could come from caring. I had high hopes for happiness for myself with him.
Over the past weekend, things changed completely. A miracle happened for him, a literal miracle. And you can’t and shouldn’t fight a miracle. And I won’t fight it no matter the heart break for me. He deserves it and has been waiting for this for many months.
A friend on facebook posted this quote from a young lady who endured illness her entire, short life but never lost faith that her life would be good.
“Life is not always fair....It’s full of lessons. Life can get ugly, but even when it’s ugly, there’s good in it.” ~Megan Daddario
While I have spent the past week being miserable about how things in my life have been going, being disappointed and heartbroken, and being ready to just runaway and start over, this young lady never gave up. She endured pain and suffering but never let it get her down. She was always looking for ways to make things better for herself, her family, and the community. No matter how sick she was, she continued her schooling to become a nurse; she worked with local EMS services to help people who needed her.
I need to start thinking as she did and look for the lessons in the ugly of my life.
I have been very fortunate to get tons of services to help with parenting Jakes. In-home therapy services, counseling for myself, medication for me, support groups, and lots of support from everyone. The in-home services are about to end and I will have to work with the therapists to decide where to go from here. Its obvious that we will need further services to continue bringing peace into my home.
I am dedicated to bringing that peace into my home. I am dedicated to making sure that my son gets all the help he needs to be all he can be in life. I am dedicated to giving my son the best in life as possible.
So the lesson for this ugly in my life is that I am and will continue to be the best mom possible for Jakes. There is a reason Jakes was given to me to raise, because with my stubbornness, God knew I’d make sure Jakes gets what he needs.
I am still struggling with the ugly of my personal life a little, its still raw. By caring and sharing with him, I realized what I am missing by being alone for so long. I don’t have someone special to share life’s moments with, to snuggle up and watch TV with, to share my bed. And by coming to care for him, I realized that I really am missing that. And I want that. Very much.
My lesson from my heartbreak is a reminder that I am a lovable person; that I am ready to move on and find someone special to love. My heartbreak gives me hope that I am growing, that I am deserving of love, and that I will find someone to share my love and my life.
Anyone know a single guy age 35-45 who might be interested in a loving, wonderful woman to share life with?
call it a preminition....
ReplyDeletebut i feel like you'll meet a guy, a dad, in one of these support type settings.
i think you need someone in your life who will understand that the norm in your home is not what it is in most. you can give that same kind of support to a father whos heart breaks for his child the way yours does.
not saying you should cruise the groups, just saying keep your heart open to the possibility.
(ask Creative Kerfuffle, im good at these things)
I have told you before that you are a amazing mother, and I admire all you have been through and are going through. Jake will look back when he is older and be so happy he had a mother who cared as much as you do and how you did everything in your power to help! I wish I had that! I truly admire you and am here if there is ever anything you need! Like Megan said keep going no matter what! Keep your heart open for that right person! I was very very very down and out after heart break and out of the blue came my husband. I didn't trust him for awhile, "waiting" for the heart break, thinking he would leave me, but he never did. He stood by me and still does even when I am down and out with all I am going through now. Keep your head up and a smile on your face, you never know who is falling in love with your smile!! <3
ReplyDeleteWishing I knew that great guy to introduce you to!
ReplyDeleteThings happen for a reason. The past year was brutal in my life but now, I'm starting to see what that was all about. And even better, things are good and potentially could get even better.
So stay positive and just let life in every day. It'll get better.
Oh Amy...this is a wonderful post. Such raw words of wisdom here. I am sorry for the heartbreak though.
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