Tug of War

The 4-legged boys had a play date.  And BOY did they play!

I don't know if Jaxon enjoyed being pulled across the floor but he kept coming back to play!

Crazi-Plunge aka Polar Bear Plunge

Less than a week until my Crazi-Plunge!  And while the weather today is warmer, the tempatures are supposed to drop for the weekend again.  It might be the coldest weather we've experienced in the 6 years of swimming in the Atlantic Ocean!  And the Ocean temp is just above freezing too!  Its going to be a great time!

Here's the commercial that's running on the local stations:

I didn't see me in the crowds but you never know!

There is still time to donate to my crazi-plunge.  Just go here!

And this time next week, I will post proof of my craziness!

Time to go and find my bathing suit and polar bear jammies!

Giggle Face

You have to love this face.........



Jakes on his 14th Birthday.



Especially when it looks like THIS:

GiggleFace!

He blew out the candles on his cake and showered Gpop with the confetti that was on top.

Lots of Giggles.

But Its COLD Out There Momma - WW

Tuesday Thoughts

Who ordered the snow?  And the Uber Cold Weather?  YUCK to both!  There was probably an inch of snow last night but since it was also SO cold, it stuck.  I had to scrape my car off this morning. I can probably count on one hand how many times I've had to scrape my car this winter. Its predicted to stay in the 20's for the rest of the week!  YIKES!

But it looks like it will warm up in time for me to go swimming on SuperBowl Sunday!  Yes, Neicy and I are doing the Polar Bear Plunge again this year!  We've always had wonderful weather and such a great time!  Our crazi-plunge benefits the Special Olympics of DE and I am taking donations!  I have a website where you can securely donate.  Help make my Craziness Profitable for this wonderful Non-Profit!



Neicy, Jakes and me in 2010.

Jakes turns 14 this coming weekend! He's put in his request for dinner and he wants Mom's Homemade Meatloaf.  YUM!  I guess we will be having a full house again this weekend.  We are going to make cupcakes to take to the horse farm this weekend.  Its going to be a busy weekend!



AZ has been fighting with his BP again.  There is no reason for the meds to not work!  They are the same meds he's been taking for years.  Every once in a while, he gets this break through high BP that is scary!  We've spent some time in the ER this weekend.  He's going to his Dr tomorrow.  Hopefully, they can figure something out to keep this from happening.


With all the waiting time I've had this weekend, I've gotten a BUNCH of reading done!  Since I had four library books come available at the same time, I've had to keep my nose in the iPad.  lol  I am done two of the books and am working my way through the third.



Tonight we go back to SINGING!  I'm so excited!  We are going to be singing Spring-type songs!  I've missed seeing these people each week.




Jakes has joined Google+ and friended me.  I don't use Google+ very much but he refuses to sign up for Facebook.  But I don't know that I would friend him on facebook either.  There might be things on there I post that he doesn't need to see.  So far, I don't have to worry about it.  Maybe someday, he'll want to join the masses.

I'm A Flip-Flop

Things between AZ and I haven't been all roses and honey.  I knew when he moved back here that he had problems with his health and depression.  But the biggest reason for him moving back here was so that he could get his butt in gear, take care of his problems and be nearer to friends and family for support.  When he was in AZ, he was ALL.BY.HIMSELF.  Its scary to be by yourself and sick at the same time.

He's been back here since March and hasn't done much of anything to move forward with certain things.  He's spent a lot of time on the couch, zoned out by the TV and anxiety medications.  That's left me alone for a lot of the time.  I don't want to sit in the living room listening to him snore. So I retreated to my room.

When he came back here, he gained custody of his 16 year old son.  Not something I bargained for when he moved back.  But, I would never expect him or any other man to tell me I had to choose between me or the kids.  Our Kids Come FIRST.  So, AZ came with JR.

JR came with issues of his own.  In trouble with the law (which he cleaned up), trouble with drugs (which he cleaned up) and just generally having to raise himself because his mother wasn't a "mom" and had her own legal and drug problems. Not to mention he's a TEENAGER!  That's difficult in and of its self.

With AZ being out of it, he didn't do much parenting of JR, which bugged me.  I would classify myself as a helicopter mom, very involved in every aspect of Jakes life.  I tried to have patience with AZ and JR as they found their "way" but there are still a lot of things that bug me about AZ's parenting style.

AZ hasn't seemed to make any effort to get a job.  He was working with a friend on construction projects but they haven't had any jobs since October.  We need a steady income.  I can't support all these people on my salary.

Over the months, I would make up my mind that things weren't fixable and that I would be leaving.  Then we would have a couple of good days or a good week and I would decide to try and make things work.  Then things would go back to where they were. 

I flip-flop on everything!  I want things to work between us but I can't make it work on my own.

By Christmas, I was ready to walk out on AZ and everything that we could possibly have together.  I felt justified in leaving because there is no partnership, no sharing of lives.  We've drift so far apart, he was so out of it most of the time, I didn't want to be around that and there just didn't seem to be anything that could be done to change things.

 I don't want to place all the blame on AZ.  A lot of it, yes.  But I have to take responsibility for my part in this failure as well.  I didn't TALK to AZ about my feelings.  I didn't tell him how his parenting style bugs me.  I didn't give him a chance to tell me why he was taking such a hands-off approach to JR.  I didn't tell him how frustrated and lonely I have been while he's been on the couch.

My therapist wants me to figure out WHY I haven't talked to him about things.  Why have I let things get so far gone.  That is something I can't answer yet.  I'm still pondering.  I'm not going to let it go, I need to figure out why I retreated so easily, especially after I fought so hard to save my marriage (which had already failed without my knowledge).

Things did come to a head between AZ and I.  BUT we are talking more, expressing our fears and frustrations.  He is stepping up to be more of a participant in the household and our relationship.  I am stepping up a little more to guide him in parenting.  We have to find a happy medium between my parenting and his.  JR doesn't need all the parenting that I've given to Jakes over the years.  But he needs more than he's gotten from his father up to this point.

I've been saying that AZ seems to have put his Big Girl Panties on and is stepping up to try and take control of his life again.  I'm very proud of him for this.  I know it would be much easier for him to sit in stupor and let me walk out than it is for him to step up and live.  I told him I will be there to help him along the path as much as he'll allow me to.

Only time will tell if we can make this work.  I know life sends screwballs at you all the time, we just have to be ready to catch them and hit a home run.  Together.  As a Family.

Homework

Therapy involves homework sometimes.  At least if you want to get something out of therapy.  Or at least that's how its been for me.  I have had two wonderful therapists and they both have always given me homework.

When I go to them, I usually already have a goal of what I want out of therapy.  Not to be depressed, help with knowing when its time to end the marriage, help with managing my child and still having a good relationship with him.  Not everyone who goes into therapy goes there with goals in mind.  But that's where the therapist comes into the picture, to figure out why the person is there and what their goal should be for the visits.

One of my friends was surprised that I have homework from therapy.  But then this person has never been in therapy, just evaluated and then they blow off the therapy portion.  But that is also part of their mental health problem.

I haven't been to see her in over a year, not since I needed guidance on switching custody of Jakes.  When I told her about the situation I was there to discuss, she yelled at ME.  giggle    

She knows I have the skills to take care of this problem on my own.  She taught them to me!

So that is part of my homework, why I felt the need to come to her instead of handling it on my own.  Figure out why I didn't want to confront things on my own.

So, Therapy comes with homework.  And since I go back to see her next week, I probably should get started on it.  Right after I finish reading about mental health licensure in the State.

Tid-bits

Busy.  At work and at home.

We've had the flu in the house.  AZ and JR have both had it.  So far, I haven't.  I didn't get my flu shot either.  Fingers crossed that I am super woman!

AZ is in hospital right now. His BP skyrocketed again.  We really wish they could figure out what's causing it.  AZ is making friends with lots of Docs who all want him to follow up with them once he gets home.  Lots to do.

AZ yelled at me today for not using the hand sanitizer things in the rooms.  He said after being exposed to the germs at home and there in the hospital, I was going to get sick.  HA!  I laugh in the face of the germs!

And next week, I'll be flat on my back with those same germs having a party in me.  :)

The school scheduled an IEP meeting for Jakes. His father promised me he would be there, I participated by phone.  As usual, his father didn't follow through on things.  At least I was on the phone so that decisions could be made. 

They are doing testing to see if Jakes qualifies for dismissal from the Special Education Program. Currently, he is not using any of the support that are in the IEP, which is good!  Part of me thinks he will be just fine without any supports, another part of me is scared Crap-less about not having the supports there just in case.  We've had them for SO long, it could be hard to get used to them not being there.

I am having major issues typing today. Usually, I can fly across the keyboard without looking at it and not making too many mistakes.  Today, lots of looking and lots of mistakes.  Maybe its the caffeine I'm running on today. 

I have missed you guys!  I want to get back into blogging, I have ideas, I just don't have time......  sigh.....  I'll be back.....

OH Chuck It!

Nope.  I'm not throwing in the towel just yet.  I wanted to show Jaxon's favorite toys.  A Ball and A Chuck-it.

You've heard the expression "A tired pup is a good pup".  Well for Jaxon that's true!  If we don't have time to take him for a walk or out to run off his energy, he will slip out the door and run off.  Or he will bug the crap out of us to throw the ball in the house.

So on sunny or even semi-sunny days, AZ or I take Jaxon and his Chuck-it and a ball out for about 15 minutes.  That's all it takes.

Jaxon knows when its time to run, he sees me putting on shoes and starts dancing.  Tell him to get a ball and he's off!  I grab the Chuck-it from the top of the fridge and head outside.  Jaxon is SO excited he just has to run circles around me.

This is the Chuck-it all loaded for throwing

When he FINALLY settles down enough to give me the ball, I load the Chuck-it and send the ball flying.  Jaxon takes off like a shot as I line up the throw. 

Let's Go Momma!  I'm waiting.....

And he's just as quick on the run back to me!

What it all boils down to is a tired pup who doesn't run off when he's let outside for potty's at 10 pm, in the dark, in the rain or snow!

Let's rest a minute, Momma.

What a SWEET face!