Differences

Ya'll know Jakes has Aspergers Syndrome, ADHD and Epilepsy. He is my only child and I have come to think of him as “normal.” I don't know any other way of raising and dealing with my child.

I have learned to tell Jakes it's time to leave in 5-10 minutes to give him time to transition and adjust to the upcoming change. I have learned to block out his incessant chatter, his repeated phrases (‘cheeseburgers & applesauce, please’ is a favorite of his now). I have accepted that he is ok with hanging around the house with us adults. I know he doesn’t make and keep friends. I wish things could be different for him but it just isn’t to be right now.

Jakes is very immature for his age. This is not necessarily a bad thing or a reflection on my parenting. He has been sheltered by me definitely. He's my baby and always will be.

There are so many things about Jakes that I have come to consider "normal" but are not necessarily "normal". They are normal for Jakes but not necessarily for other kids.

Since JR has come to live with us, I see differences between him and Jakes. It might not be right to compare the kids, as they have had completely different upbringings.

JR is much more mature than his 15 yrs. His life has been very different from Jakes. Where I have bombarded Jakes with attention and therapies, JR has not had strict parenting influences and lots of freedoms. Some of those freedoms landed him in a lot of trouble. But he has done his "time" and seems to have learned from his mistakes.  JR has had to fend for himself in so many ways and that makes a boy grow up into a man quickly.

Hanging with JR has opened my eyes to the differences in Jakes, the definite Asperger's/ADHD symptoms that show themselves. I didn’t really SEE those differences, just accepted them as part of Jakes, and didn’t really label them as Asperger's or ADHD, just The Jakes Way.

Watching JR on his cell phone with friends, coordinating his schedule for visiting his friends and girlfriend, the nights he spends at friends and his friends coming over for the night, shows me that Jakes is definitely lacking in the social aspect.

Jakes was telling me that on his field trip today, he signed up to be with Mrs. B and he hoped no one else signed up to be with her. Jakes prefers to be with adults than peers. JR prefers to be with peers than adults.

Should I be worried about Jakes and his lack of social skills? Should I be worried that he prefers to be with me and AZ or the G-parents?

Probably. But for now, since it’s not causing any issues at school or in his home life, I’m not going to borrow trouble.  I'm not going to worry about MY normal child.

They're BAAACCKKKK!

Before Memorial Day, my parents and Kathy left in the Beast for a trip to Florida.  One of Kathy's daughters lives in Miami and had been bugging her to come and visit. So off they went!

They took their time driving south, stopping in South Carolina and Jacksonville, FL.  They landed there just in time to set up camp and take shelter from Tropical Storm Bertha.  Everything was fine during the storm, just a lot of rain and some wind, nothing too scary.  They didn't have electric but they did have the generator.




Kathy getting her seat

 After weathering the storm (literally!) they continued south to Miami.  Once there, Dad and ESM dropped Kathy at her daughters and then set up camp for the rest of the week.  They didn't really enjoy the park they were in.  The Wifi didn't work all the time, the pool wasn't open much and the general upkeep of the park paths and such just wasn't kept nicely.

Kathy enjoyed her visit with her daughter and they eventually had to pack up and head for home.  The trip back was much better, no tropical storms or other major issues.




Start Your Engines!

 They backed down the road about 8 pm last night and the dogs (Jaxon and Kathy's babies) went NUTS!  Lots of wiggly butts all around.  I was happy they are home because I don't have to take care of Kathy's zoo anymore.  But I did miss them and am glad they are home.  The Compound feels complete again.

Tonight I'll have to help unload the camper.  But they are HOME!

First Love Comes Full Circle

In high school there were lots of couples who were "in love" and it was thought that they would stay together through college and end up together for happily ever after.  AZ and I were such a couple.  We were together in high school through most of my freshmen year and broke up in my junior year.

We were almost joined at the hip, always together, always in the same activities. The only times we weren't together is when one of us had to work or my parents said Nope, time for family.

I would sit in science class and watch the back room for a glimpse of him working for another teacher.  We both got in trouble for kissing in front of a teacher. I remember going back to the auditorium where we held the plays and thought about the times we hid in the catacombs to make out.  Boy was the teacher upset when we both walked out together.

We went to his junior prom together.  There was something called a Candy Stripers Ball that was our first date ever.  I don't think we came up for air on the ride home, the kisses were SO good.

I don't remember why I broke up with AZ but I really broke his heart.  He was still friends with my brother and they hung out some what.  Whenever I was around him, I was uncomfortable so eventually, I moved away into my own group of friends.

AZ graduated and moved away for college.  He also fell in love and got married.  I fell in love and got married.  I didn't see him again until I was 9 months pregnant and mom was dying.  AZ and his wife stopped by on Christmas Eve to see the parents and Brother.  I had butterflies in my belly that evening and it wasn't from the baby!  A month later, he was at Mom's funeral but I don't remember seeing him.  It would be another 9-10 years before we saw each other again.

We ran into each other in the local diner.  We hugged and it felt "right" to me.  He was moving to AZ.  Unfortunately, things didn't go well with him out there.  That is his story to tell.  When things went south for him, we reconnected and grew close again.

AZ has since moved back here with me.  We have come full circle and are taking things day-by-day to make it work.


This was written as part of Theme Thursday. 

Even Horses Need Baths....... WW

Jakes gave Quest a bath last week

Randomness

Its Tuesday.  Did you know its Webinar Tuesday?  Yup!  I have to sit through THREE webinars at work today.  One 10-11:30, one 12 to 1:15 and another from 3-4:30.  I think my head will explode! Or at least will be numb.............  Bring on the M&M's..........

We're having a little bickerment over money in the boys room.  Two weekends ago, Jakes left $4 on top the dresser.  When he came over this weekend, he mentioned that JR had found his money and left it for him.  When Jakes left on Sunday, he took the money with him.  Last night JR comes home asking where his $5 went.  So, who's money was it and how do we prevent this from happening in the future?  JR maintains it was his money and he left it on the desk over the weekend while he was not home.  Jakes maintains that he found it on the dresser and its his.  I'm tempted to just give JR $5 to save on an arguement.  But then what happens the next weekend where Jakes leaves his money.  So much to figure out........

The G-parents are still in Florida.  they should be making their way back north starting tomorrow.  I hope so, Kathy's Animals are missing her!  and I'm a little tired of taking care of her zoo........

Its only Tuesday and Jakes is putting in a request for a place to go for dinner on Friday already.  He wants to go to Friendlys.  They have ice cream so its probably do-able!  Then Jakes wants me to bring AZ with me.  Good that he likes AZ enough to include him in our visits.  AZ likes to give me and Jakes time with just us, which I appreciate too.

Well, time for the first webinar!  Wish me luck on staying awake today!

But You Don't Live Here

Jakes moved in with his dad in November but I still kept his room here. I moved some stuff in there for storage, such as the vacuum cleaner, etc. Since AZ and JR have moved in, there have been more and more changes. Jakes room has been taken over by JR. But JR is here more than just weekends like Jakes.

We are going to move bunk beds in the room and Jakes has called the bottom bunk, which also happens to be a full size bed. I don't think this is fair to JR who will be sleeping in the bed more than Jakes will be. But how do I say this to Jakes without coming out and saying, But you don't live here.

Jakes has lost so much in this round of changes. He doesn’t have a room of his own here, he lost his shelf in the shower, there aren't the same snacks that he likes all the time and he has to share me with AZ.

How do I tell him he doesn’t get first choice on the bed because he doesn't live here? How do I make my child understand that I am not choosing others over him? or am I?

Saving the Pot

All winter long, I've been keeping an eye on this tree at the end of the sand bar.  It showed up one day after a particularly high tide.  Its snagged pretty good and won't be going anywhere until we get another super high tide with a storm.  Tangled in the tree is rope and bouys.  I wanted to find out what was wrapped around the tree.

The tree at the end of the sand bar

We couldn't get out to the tree on Sunday because the tide was coming in.  On Monday, we timed it better and were able to wade out.  I untangled the rope and bouys to find a crab pot attached to the rope!  I have two crab pots that we put out in the summer.

Rescued Crab Pot

I claim salvage rights!  Now we have three pots to collect yummy crabs this summer.