Girls Night Out

It's been a rough week. Too much stress from Jakes and work and living life. Plus my friend Lori has been bugging Janet and I to get together for some girl time. So we did it. Lori and I got babysitters, Janet left her hubs at home playing games and we went out for margarities.



Rita

It was GREAT!

The place was packed but Lori got us a table within 15 minutes and she even ordered our rita's for us as Janet and I were pulling into the parking lot. How'd we get along without cell phones and text messaging?!?!

We spent the evening chatting about our kids, love lives or lack there of, beach trips, jobs and just about everything.

The food was yummy as it always is at this place. The rita's fabulous! And the service was prefect! The waiter was there when we needed him, absent when we didn't, kept the rita's flowing and never, ever rushed us. Even if we were taking up a table on a Friday night, the place was packed and he could have rushed us out but didn't. Even when he probably knew we were done, he still didn't rush us out. Of course we left a great tip for him.

After dinner, I hung out at Janet's for a while to sober up a bit so I could drive home from her house. Next time I will drive so Janet can drink if she wants.  Of course this morning, after spicy food and several rita's my insides are not to happy with me. Small price to pay.

And we will be doing this more often. We need this time to bond and relax and share. Ok girls, let's plan it!!!

Expectations, Acceptance and Freedom

I had (still do actually!) a wonderful father. He was there for all the important and not to important things. He participated in my growing up and while I was always closer to Mom, I knew Dad loved me and he could be counted on.

I have complained many times about the waste of fatherhood my ex is. I kinda had a light bulb moment yesterday when he texted me about Son’s email to him. I, from time to time, have tried to hold A/H to my expectations of the kind of father he should be for Son. You know, when I offer A/H more time with Son, when I inform him of changes the Drs are recommending (ADHD medication), when its time for summer camp or how to pay for braces. 

I want that for Jakes. I have shown him that I will be there for everything, big or small. I have shown him that I will fight for everything he might need.

Apparently my expectations of what part A/H should play in Jakes life is very different from what he can give to Jakes. Every time I want more for Jakes and his relationship with his father, there is conflict, heartache, drama and more hate because his father doesn’t live up to my expectations.

All of this conflict is limiting my opportunities for growth and change. I need to accept that A/H is just that, an asshole that doesn’t want to be or just cannot be a father who meets my expectations.

Over the years, he has shown me that he will be an every other weekend babysitter plus dinners on Fridays. He has shown that he will pay the child support as long as it’s taken right from his check.

He has shown me that I will have to fight for any of the unreimbursed medical expenses associated with Jakes health and well being. He has shown me that he will not be a participant in learning and teaching Jakes how to cope with his Asperger’s Syndrome with ADHD Combined. He has shown me that he really doesn’t care about Jakes grades or school functions.

As I remind myself of his choice of the level of participation in raising this wonderful child of mine, I will learn to accept this and find a way to handle everything myself. If I don’t ask for more than he is willing or capable of giving, I won’t have the conflict, heartache, drama and more hate (aka CRAP).

Without all that CRAP, I will feel more at ease with my life as well. Learning to accept that will free me!

The Lawyer

**** There’s a bit of nudity in this story! Cover your eyes!****

Cassie lived right on the river. Most days, Jesse would ride her bike over and the two girls would swim and float the day away. One day while they were playing, one of the neighbors came out with his windsurfer.

I should tell you that Cassie and Jesse knew the neighbors mostly by titles, not they actual names. The Lawyer lived three houses down and was HOT! The People From Pennsylvania lived on the other side of The Lawyer. You get the picture.

It was The Lawyer who came out with his windsurfer and speedo bathing suit. Cassie waved hi to him and he called the girls over.

“Would you like to learn how to windsurf?” he asked. “I’d be happy to teach you both.”

Both girls were excited and of course wanted to learn. Hanging out with the cute lawyer would be so much more fun!

They moved to waist deep water and The Lawyer gave them instructions on getting on the board and pulling up the sail. It wasn’t as easy as he made it look. Once the sail was in the water, it filled with water and was crazy heavy. You have to pull the sail up out of the water while maintaining your balance on the board. Not an easy thing to do.

Finally, The Lawyer got on the board with Cassie and helped her pull the sail up. They sailed a bit, then Cassie lost her balance and into the water they both went. Then it was Jesse’s turn. She and The Lawyer were able to get the sail up but Jesse lost her balance right away and splashed into the water.

This was when The Lawyer suggested that maybe the girls had had enough for today and he sailed off on his own. The girls swam back to shore and giggled over their wonderful afternoon.

Several days later, Cassie was walking down the bulkhead to Debbie’s house. When she passed The Lawyers house, he was standing in his living room buck naked! And all the windows were open! Cassie did a double take, not believing that he would be standing there NAKED for all to see! Then she hurried on to Debbie’s house where both girls giggled over it and called Jesse.

Every time the rest of that summer, the girls would crane their necks to look into The Lawyers house to see what they could see! And when he would come into the river to give them windsurfing lessons, at least Cassie knew what was hidden in the speedo.

Life

I Have been living it and having fun. Not doing anything special. Just living.

Of course living has not been without its hiccups.



The deal with a/h fell through of course. This will probably get it's own post later. Briefly, jakes came home upset. I reacted but not too badly. A/h took offense because I protected jakes and he canceled the deal. After talking more with jakes and the therapist, I came as close to apologizing as I ever will to a/h. He has since said he doesn't want Jakes for the summer. Which he sent to me in a text message and wants ME to tell jakes. NOT happening. He can take responsibility for it. Like I said I will give more details in another post.




Dad has at least one cracked rib. We're waiting for he results of the X-ray. I don't have all the details but he fell last night and banged himself and his ribs up pretty good. can you say percocet is his new best friend?

See what I mean about hiccups?!? Sigh




My brother actually stopped out the other night. He hasn't been in touch with dad since JULY. And the only reason he came out this time is because dad saw him in town and ordered brother to come out and get his mail. Brother was only there for maybe 5 minutes. And that really hurt dads feelings. Needless to say I'm PISSED at brother and I no longer have a brother. Not a big deal cause we have never been close and he usually gets on my nerves.




I moved into my new space at work today. Yay! It was getting tiresome moving from office to office depending on what was open. I haven't settled in and still have lots of boxes to unpack but I have a home again.




Joining my choir has been wonderful for me. I love going and can't wait for the spring concert. Did I tell you that we are singing the national anthem at a Phillies game ON MY BIRTHDAY?!?? OMGoodness! I can't WAIT and neither can jakes cause he gets to go and we can stay to watch the game! Woot!!


And my evening had a wonderful ending with a long phone call with a great friend!




Was that random enough for you? Well if not go see The UN Mom to see the craziness around there.

DOTS

Jesse and Cassie were planning a surprise party for Cassie's brothers birthday. They invited all Steve's friends plus their boyfriends.

In the weeks preceding the party, Jesse and Cassie went around to all their teachers hole punches to collect the DOTS. They ended up with a huge bag full.

The day of the party Jesse and Cassie passed the bag of DOTS around to share. As Steve came home they all hid and waited to bombard him with the dots.

Everyone let loose at the same time and yelled surprise. Steve was surprised! And blinded by DOTS! There was laughter all around and the requisite dot fight.

There were DOTS everywhere! In hair, down shirts, in the furniture, in the food. Just everywhere.

When the party was over Jesse and Cassie worked together to clean up the DOTS but years later when Cassie moved out they found more DOTS.

As the years went on, occasionally one of the girls would gather up some dots and mail a care package. And laughter would ensue at the memory of so long ago.

You'd Better Sit Down For This One!

When I checked my email this morning I got a shock!  A/H has finally agreed to everything we have been discussing!  AND he also agreed for us to go to the courthouse, have them type up the order, figure the child support and save us attorney fees!  We are both giving a little to get a little.  I can't believe it!

Jakes spent the weekend there and came home miserable.  He is STILL miserable and growly at me.  But only me.  He speaks mean to me, with an attitude and when I call him on it, he denies it and huffs and puffs at me.  Then he speaks to G-pop or G-mom and he nice as pie.  Little brat.  Makes me glad he's going to spend the summer at his dads!

I had the best Valentine's Day.  When I left the house for work, a card fell out of the doorframe.  When I came home for lunch, I tripped over a card in the doorway.  It was a singing card!  With a Jack Russell puppy dancing!  I love my parents!

I love Sunday night dinners.  I usually cook dinner for my parents, Jakes and Ms. Kathy and we gather in Ms. Kathy's house.  Its a great time spent with the family catching up on the week past and events for the week coming.  After we make the changes to the court order, I will be picking Jakes up from his fathers and we'll have to come up with another plan for having Sunday Dinners.

Ms. Kathy has been sick this past week.  She had the flu this past week.  And we worry about Ms. Kathy when she gets sick.  We want to make sure she gets better quickly! She said she's sick of chicken soup. But she's feeling better.  She went out to lunch AND dinner yesterday.

When I go to AZ in May, I'm going with Ms. Kathy cause her granddaughter is graduating from high school and she wants some company on the plane.  I'm using her as an excuse to see a good friend and to have some relaxing time off from work and Jakes.  I think Ms. Kathy and her family in AZ are more excited to have me head out West for a visit than I am!  Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to the trip but Ms. Kathy is giddy with anticipation of the trip.  Too funny!

I want to do some sight seeing while I am there.  Any sugestions for things to see in the Phoenix area?

ESM is a great evil step mom.  Ever since she joined our family, she has been there as a mother presence but hasn't pushed being a mom on me. I can't express how much I appreciate that.  At the Sunday Dinner, she asked if she could give me some "motherly advise".  I said "go for it!"  While, I'm not ready to share that advise yet, I will say its some good stuff and has worked very well for her!  Thanks, ESM!

I am getting new office space at work. I am going from an office space all to myself to a little cubicle in the middle of a walk-through room.  Nice, huh?  But since my job doesn't involve the confidentiality of clients, just privacy, I had to give up my office space.  Bummer.  While they are creating my cubicle, I have been moved out of my office and have no "Home".  Thankfully, I work on a laptop and there is wireless in the building so I can work just about anywhere that there is a plug.  But I want MY space.  I'm tired of traveling each day to a new space and adapting.  Hey Construction Guys!  Get moving!

Maybe if they were cute workers, I might not mind too much.  The leader looks like Weird Al Yankovich dressed up and Michael Jackson.  Pretty scary!  And his helpers are all too young.

I guess that's all that's running around in my head for today.  Tune in for more Randomness over at Keely's!

Happy Valentine's Day

Wishing Each of You a

Happy Valentine's Day

I hope you are able to spend it with the ones you love!

Certain Very Hot Places Are Going to Be Getting VERY Cold.....

Ok. So first I want to apologize for any freak weather occurrences next week. And I want to put out there that it's not ALL my fault. I can't possibly have the kind of power to influence the entire worlds weather patterns.

I can however influence SOME areas. I have been in talks with A/H through email about making changes that will benefit Jakes and us. Scary huh?  And we seem to have a deal.  Of course, I got snippy with him in the last email cause he was asking stupid questions that were answered in previous emails.

We started out talking about how to pay for the braces that Jakes needs and we have progressed to making serious changes to the visitation schedule.

By the end of the month everything should be set. The child support will be adjusted to reflect his portion of payment for the braces and Jakes will be set to spend every other summer with his dad and visit me on the weekends.   There are other little things in there but I still feel that I have to upper hand in the negotiations.

I am looking forward to some down time this summer. This last year has been difficult mentally and emotionally for me and Jakes. We are certainly on a good path now and I have confidence that we will continue that way.   Especially if I get the summer off.  It is Summer yet?

Courage

“Come to the edge,” he said. “No, we will fall” they replied. They came to the edge. He pushed them… and they flew.

With Valentines Day approaching, love is everywhere; TV commercials and movies, in the stores and on the radio. Everyone is talking about love and finding love. I think all the Matching services are having free weekends from now to Valentines Day. I’m even seeing the love theme in my Thoughts of the Day emails.

The expression of real love is so easy between grandparents and children – and between good friends it passes effortlessly. I have no problem letting Neicy and Kimber know how much I love them. I have no problem letting my parents and Jakes know how much I love them. It effortless to love these people who share my life.

But why is it so hard for me to share that love with someone other than my family? Why have I been so reluctant to put myself out there to find someone to love?

Kimber went through a messy divorce shortly after me and she is getting married in 72 days. She has found the perfect man to share her love. What does she have that I don’t?

COURAGE. She has Courage. You need courage to face your fears, to go against conventional wisdom and be oneself.

Being in love and sharing love with a spouse or lover is hard. Allowing that person into your heart takes great courage and trust. After being hurt terribly, I have a huge fear of being in love with someone, of loosing ME, and of being hurt again. I have lacked the courage to put myself out there to find someone to love and be loved by.

Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the willingness to move forward in spite of that fear. I have not had the courage to feel and face my fear and so it has grown to a point where I don’t know that I can ever find enough courage to surpass it.

I suppose, as with addiction, the first step is to acknowledge that I have this fear. Done!

The next step is to stand up to my fear and remind myself that I am not willing to live the rest of my life without someone to love and share my life with. I will embrace my dream of someone to snuggle up with, watching TV, making dinner together, and yes, even having to share my bed again.

Paint

Jesse loved her room.  She loved to rearrange her room regularly.  Almost every time Cassie would come over to spend the night, they would work together to rearrange things.  One weekend, they painted the room as well as rearranged it.

They painted it from a pretty girlie pink.

To Smurf Blue

What a change it was!  Jesse and Cassie had a great time working together to get everything put away, the walls prepped and painted.  Jesse's mom was going to make frilly white  lace curtains for the windows.  The room was going to be lovely when they were done.

After spending the day painting and chatting about boys, high school and the next dance, it was time to clean up.  They gathered everything to take outside and use the hose.  Jesse dabbed paint on Cassie's face with the paint brush and took off running.  Cassie had the hose and squirted Jesse as she ran away.  Both girls were laughing and giggling.  Jesse kept trying to get closer to Cassie to paint her some more but Cassie had a good aim with the hose.  Jesse was flinging the paint brush and roller full of paint at Cassie.

Finally, when they were exausted from laughing and chasing each other, they surveyed the damage to each other.  Jesse was soaked from head to toe.  Cassie looked like a smurf.  She was covered from head to toe in paint.  And what fun they had that afternoon.

To this day, they still joke about the smurf blue room and the paint fight.  Love you, Cassie!


This story is a part of Theme Thursday.  Head over there to check out the other Paint Stories.

This years Plunge

Well, we did it!  Jakes, Neicy and I took the Plunge into the COLD Atlantic Ocean again.  As usual, it was great fun and Neicy and I went in 3 times each.  We always have to go in for the intial plunge but since there are SO many people running in and out of the ocean at the same time, its impossible for our friends to get pictures of us in the water.  So we go back and pose for the pictures.

It was actually VERY warm on the beach, 49 degrees and SUNNY! We hung out on the beach for quite a while waiting for the official call to swim.

The we went in.  HOLY CRAP Was it COLD!  I went in about to my waist and before I got past my ankles my feet were numb.  This was my second time going in.  I made Neicy go with me so we could get pictures.

Jakes was probably the smartest one of us all, he only got his feet wet and decided that was enough.  :)  Gotta love the smart ones.

Me and Neicy after the Plunge.

They estimate that there were over 20,000 people in Rebohoth this weekend for the events.  I am sure they raised major money to support the Special Olympics of Delaware.  And Neicy, Jakes and I will go back next year for another dip in the freezing Atlantic!

Fighting

I’m tired of fighting.

Fighting for my paycheck (thankfully that seems to be resolved for now)

Fighting Jakes and his behaviors. (since he’s almost a teen, that’s not going to end soon)

Fighting his tool of a father over EVERYTHING. (that’s never going to change)

On one hand, I want to fight this latest set back and on the other, I just want to give up. The court ordered that since I benefit from Jakes therapy, that his father doesn’t have to pay his full portion. According to the formula, he pays about half of all Jakes medical bills. With this new court order, he has to pay half of that half for the therapy. So I am stuck paying 75% of the therapy bills. It doesn’t matter that A/H could come to ALL the therapy sessions and benefit as well. But because he chooses to be a piece of crap father, I get stuck with the bill.

Hardly seems fair, does it? Not only do I get stuck with the higher bill but I get to transport Jakes, re-arrange my work schedule to take him while A/H gets to kick back and enjoy his life. And think up ways to screw with me.

In a way, my anger is not about the money. Ok, its somewhat about the money. I could use that money, especially when I don’t get paid. But mostly its about HIM getting OVER and not having to take FULL responsibility as a parent ONCE AGAIN.

So not only did the court rule in his favor, A/H is threatening to take me back to court to have me provide transportation for HIS parenting time weekends. REALLY? How much am I supposed to give to this man that left our family for another woman and her children? To this man that would walk behind me and moo like a cow cause I gained weight? To this narcissistic, controlling piece of crap that FOUGHT me on giving our child medication that was recommended by not one but TWO respected doctors.

I was trying to work with him to resolve the braces and transportation issues but now I am so pissed off, I don’t want to. But would that be what is best for Jakes? For me? I don’t know yet. Still pondering what my next move is going to be.

In chatting with my BFF Kimber, she has suggested that if I stop fighting him and trying to “win”  and "make him pay for leaving me" in every situation, I might find happier-ness (is too a word!) with my life. She is not suggesting that I cave in for everything, especially not the important ones like Jakes and his medication. Kimber was suggesting that maybe some of the issues that I choose to fight tooth and nail for are minor ones. When I shared with her about the transportation stuff, she felt it was a minor one and that I should consider giving in. I didn’t give in just because she said so; I was considering it anyway, just because I am tired of fighting.

So we’re back to that. I’m tired of fighting. I can’t wait for vacation in May.

Vacation Plans! And other random thoughts thrown in for fun.......

In all this cold winter weather, I am planning vacations to WARM places!  And I can't wait. I am so sick of winter weather.

My first vacation is going to be in May to Arizona!  My neighbor Kathy's granddaughter is graduating from high school and Kathy wants some company on the plane ride.  And since I have a friend that lives near Kathy's family, I'll be tagging along and visiting him!  And it will be WARM!  Woo ho!

The next vacation will be to Hawaii in November.  HEAVEN! I was there in 2006 and I have wanted to go back ever since.  If I could afford to move there (and stop being chicken about moving) I'd be there in a minute! 

Because the international AA convention is held in Hawaii every year, there are fabulously cheap vacation deals for that week.  When I went in 2006, it cost me $995 for 7 days and 8 nights and included airfare AND hotel.  All I had to come up with was food and souvenir money.  I have a call into the same travel agent to get the flyer for this years conference.  Hopefully it will still be around the same price.

Oh and you don't have to attend the AA conference at all.  Just benefit from the cheap travel package.  If you are interested, let me know and I'll share the flyer when I get it!

Of course, all this will happen only if I am still employed.  I did finally get paid and they are telling us that we will be ok for future payrolls but I have trouble trusting them.  Wonder why?

I have SO many weeks of vacation time that I will probably be taking a week or two off with Jakes in the summer, which will reduce the cost of summer camp.  Woo ho!

Speaking of Jakes.  He managed to get himself suspended from the bus last week.  His side of the story is completely different from the principals.  sigh.  His behaviors have changed since the medication.  In some ways, he is SO much better behaved and in others he seems more combative and hostile.  He is especially hostile in the mornings before his medication has had a chance to kick in.  Make me wonder if this medication is doing it. I hope not but if it is, there are plenty of others out there that we can try.

Recently we increased the dosage amount a little bit.  It seems to be working as far as his concentration and focus.  He is doing much better in school and is so much better at complying with instructions.  But if the increased dosage is making him hostile and combative, that is worse than before.

I am looking for other employment but am not having much success.  I want to find a company that is financially stable.  This one is not anymore.  Of course, my job is to write grants and beg for money which would help make it more financially stable.  And I have been!  It's hard to get money in the door when all the companies are saying they don't have any money either.  Oh well, I'll just keep begging!

Jakes needs braces.  Not a surprise as he has been wearing a retainer for over a year now.  Of course, with the braces comes expense.  With expense related to Jakes, comes having to deal with his Tool of a father.  He is threatening to take me to court for the things he lost in the last court date.  He even maintains that he has consulted a "layer" which I believe is a lawyer to the rest of the planet.  His spelling and grammar are horrible.  So far, he's proposed something and I've proposed something.  I am still waiting for him to get back to me if everything is ok.

I'm about to take on the Judge from our last court date.  I just received a court order where A/H doesn't have to pay for medical bills.  This modifies what was said and ordered in court two weeks ago.  I have a HUGE problem that this was done without my having a chance to argue for it.

So, Anyway, I have work to do and you have to jump over to Keely's for more Random Thought Tuesdays!